the answer is: there is no answer...

Okay, here I am, sitting in my comfy chair for just a few more minutes until 2 year old Anne arrives, with her Little Einstein book and her pink backpack. I am thinking of something, mulling it over...it was a question someone recently asked one of my daughters. It was, "How did your mom do it? How did she handle things with all the kids?"

My honest answer is that I didn't ever feel like I could "handle" anything. I felt a day late and a dollar short. My house was never clean enough, and ha, that's an understatement. The clothes monster lived on our couch for years. If you cleaned him up and put him away, ha, he would reappear as soon as you focused on taking care of kids or making dinner. It would start with one older kid or spouse who had to do laundry, and didn't know what to do with a load of toddler clothes, or some clean towels, or was in too much of a hurry...and on to the couch that load of clean clothes would go. I hated it, but I was SO busy, and it always turned into a mini project to put it all away...now, this was only around-the-house clothes, the nicer clothes somehow always made it right onto hangers in the laundry room, because that was the most important to me, to have the kids clean and wrinkle free, dressed neatly when they left the house.

And I guess that's the thing...some parents can manage to do it all, but I couldn't. I had my priorities, and one of them was going on adventures, ha. But each day, though I might have had some semblance of a plan for what needed to get done, when you add in all the as-needed factors, like nursing and changing and rocking the baby, bathing the baby, changing the toddler, feeding the small children brekky, getting 10 kids out the door WITH their lunches and backpacks preferably, etc. In between actually feeding, dressing, washing, taking care of these kids, there was the monstrosity of the house to keep clean...I swept the floors every single day, I couldn't/can't stand small children/dirty floors. I kept them as clean as I could manage. The inside of my cupboards: mayhem. I simply didn't take the time to put things in smart places, just wherever I could shove it in when I was in a hurry. I'd sometimes organize a cupboard, feel like a queen for like a week, then slowly, it would return to chaos.

I had to hurry, whatever I did, HURRY was the name of the game. Because a baby is like a teeny adorable ticking time bomb. Whether that baby is in the swing, or in the bassinet, or kicking her feet happily in the cute little seat on the counter, that baby only had so much sleep time/contentment time, then...wah. That baby would need mama. So hurry and get those dishes washed up, hurry and throw that load in the dryer, sneak in and go pee, and get that small toddler's diaper changed, but hurry! You want to get as much done as you can, before you sink back into your comfy chair and nurse that baby.

Even cuddling and rocking the babies was a luxury. I did it no matter what needed to be done, generally. But the mind didn't always just relax and enjoy the baby, no, there was this little background rant playing continuously, mapping out the ever changing game plan...changing priorities as the circumstances changed....I mean, you can't plan for having to sweep up the entire box of Cheerios, or spit ups, or marker on the wall. But they have to be taken care of. Potty training 2 year olds can't just wait 'til mommy finishes making peanut butter sandwiches, they need to go NOW.

So my life basically consisted of continuously changing priorities to survive the day. There was no down time. If there was a nap to make up for lost night time sleep, you can be certain it was NOT long and luxurious.

I am not complaining, nor am I trying to make my life seem like it was unbearable. The point I am making is that a mama has to be flexible, let go of big ambitions, and tend to all the little brush fires that break out all day long. For me, a big thing was to let go of how I WANTED the house to be, and how it actually was. You can't let go completely, because that drive to make things better, cleaner, nicer, is really a gift, what if you didn't have it at all?

But it had to be balanced with contentment, if that makes any sense.

And no one ever stopped in when they house was semi clean, no sir. Only when it was at it's worse. I remember one of our friends stopping in on a particularly crazy day, there were building blocks all over the kitchen floor, a small child driving in a Little Tikes car, dollhouse stuff out, coloring stuff on the table, me up to my elbows making dinner, and this friend was just speechless....he just looked around and his face said it all. His own wife made each and every bed every morning and their house was pristine. (six kids, but still.).

Anyway.

I have no advice on how to manage things, because I never actually managed anything. I kept my head out of the water, and the kids survived, ha. No, I can say a few things actually...

Love those kids. Be gentle with them. If I could go back in time, and see more clearly that those kids were much more important than getting a dish rinsed...oh my heart. I knew it, but didn't know it as much as I do now, looking back.

If there's anything I gleaned from the crazy years, here it is:

1. Keep discipline short and gentle, least said soonest mended, is what Ma Ingalls once said.

2. Focus more on the positive, with kids. Praise and goodness lead to repentance. (Romans 2:4...."the goodness of the Lord leads to repentance..."). Speak right to their hearts, with the assumption that they WANT to be good.

3. Simply disapproving of bad behavior, and changing direction instead of backing kids into a corner...no one wants to be backed into a corner. Put yourself in their shoes, and show a child the same respect you would want. One thing I learned through the years was not to call a child out on their behavior in front of anyone, including siblings, if you can possibly manage that. And embarrassed child will act out even more. I've seen parents yell at kids in public, and when a kid is 10 or 12, you can see their humiliation, they are just dying. Ouch.

4. Be 100% clear and open about your own state of mind when you deal with your children. God wants to help, ask Him! Be open and pure before Him, confess your impatience, your irritation, ask for wisdom! Take a breath, acknowledge your own weakness, then proceed with caution, children are more precious than gold, and are gifts right from heaven. Yes, you're tired, yes, you're in a hurry, yes, that kids is being a jerk, ha, but to deal justly with kids, small and big, you have to take heed to yourself first.

5. Work to be free from what anyone else thinks of you, your house, your family, your way of doing things. Yes, that mom can keep her house spotless, but we can just have these ideas of how things SHOULD be, and guess what? This is your life. This day, this moment, don't waste it wishing things were cleaner or more organized, do what you can but then work on being content.

Anyway...Anne is here, Lydia is coming soon, Jonathan is making breakfast, and I have tons to do. :)