um, are we twins or what!?

We had to go out and about yesterday, just for a bag of ice, some birthday candles and balloons, and to get some glasses from Emily's former catering business to use for tonight's party.

I'm not sure how common this is, but we always have stay-at-home clothes, then you "go get ready" and change into "bye-bye clothes" when you're going out the door. Sonja and I got out to the deck, looked at each other, and doubled over laughing...we were twins! It wasn't as bad as the time my sister came to pick me up to go to a funeral service in a big church in the city for the mother-in-law of a relative, and dang it if we didn't have the same exact shirt on. Not a blend-into-the-crowd shirt either, a very lovely and stand-out black shirt. She said, "Go back in and change!" I said, "I do not have anything to change into, you go home and change." This set a precedent for a very bad day, as we were as silly as the day is long, from the start. We barely made it through that service, we each brought a daughter along, and they were giving us death stares and dagger looks as we silently laughed, doubling over to hide it, as if we were sobbing with grief. It was awful, it was not funny, and we almost had to leave, but it was a huge echoing church, and getting up and walking out, even if we were small and graceful, would have caused all heads to turn towards us. Sometimes sadness and silliness get their wires crossed, right? We weren't being jerks, it just happened.

Then our brother introduced us to his friends and family as his sisters who always dress alike. Oh dear.

Anyway, today is a special day! Evelyn Joy is 21 years old! We are celebrating by going out on one of the Finger Lakes in a boat! Yes, we are going boating! Cayuga Lake, and maybe a stop at a winery! The problem is that I cannot jump out to swim, or I won't be able to get back into the boat. So I'm thinking of wearing a sundress...or shorts and a tank top. Normal people can just wear a bikini then throw a dress over it, but I wear a swim dress, so...

Anyway, it'll be lovely, it's warm and sunny today!!!

And tonight, there's a party here on the deck, pulled pork nachos and mojitos, and those cupcakes: They're all made and we are so excited for them! Camille has turned into the buttercream frosting expert. There are lemon cupcakes, made from scratch with freshly squeezed lemon juice and lemon zest, topped with a lemon juice/sugar glaze, for tartness to balance the lavender buttercream frosting. Then homemade chocolate cupcakes, made with coffee, with cookie butter buttercream frosting, and crushed Oreos sprinkled on top, with a coffee/milk chocolate ball on top of each one. Then, since we had leftover batter, a small two layer chocolate cake, with two layers of the cookie butter icing, crushed Oreos, and melted milk chocolate chips between the layers. mmm hmmm.

The pork in in the crockpot, with salt and pepper, vinegar and brown sugar. The girls cut up tomatoes, peppers, and onions yesterday afternoon. We have tomatoes from the garden, I want to cut up more this afternoon and make a salsa.

And don't worry, we're not having a huge, pandemic defying party. It's just our family and a few friends of Evelyn.

emotional morning...

This quote just did me in. It's from "One True Thing", Anna Quindlen.

Condensed outline: woman returns to her childhood home to take care of her cancer stricken mother. I'm not quite finished with the book, but I had to put it down. It made me cry too much.

I was with my mother every day of that week she was in the hospital in hospice care. Her poor heart couldn't handle the rigors of dialysis anymore, after enduring it 3 days a week, for NINE YEARS. She didn't have much of a choice, so she checked in to the palliative care unit, and that was it. The doctors told us she would lose consciousness after a few days, because her kidneys didn't function much anymore. But she didn't, she was awake until the end. She had gone from dialysis to the hospital in an ambulance, on a Friday afternoon in July, when Miss Charlotte Claire, our 15th child, was a little baby. She died the following Thursday, during the night, with my brother there. My brothers were taking turns staying with her during the night, and she waited until Bob dozed off, then let herself go be with Jesus.

The day before she died, she tried to get out of bed to go be with Jesus, but we told her she could just stay there and He would come get her.

My mother almost reveled in that week, can you believe that? She had all of her kids and grandkids visiting, her room festooned with crayon pics, her dear grandchildren professing their love, with flowers and hearts and scribbles. My brother Tom brought up some sweet potato fries on Tuesday, and she took one bite and declared it delicious, so he went back down to the cafeteria and bought several servings of them, as if he found the key to keeping her alive. She was barely eating anything at that point, I'm pretty sure that little taste was the last thing she ever ate.

My father had leukemia at that time, and was afraid of germs, with all the kids who were visiting my mom that weeks, so he would come up in the mornings when no one was there. He could NOT deal with it, he would call me, begging me to talk to her, to talk some sense into her, to talk her out of her decision. He couldn't comprehend life without her, and couldn't understand that it wasn't actually her choice to die. Her body just couldn't tolerate the dialysis anymore, and she didn't want to stroke out in the chair, she said.

After she passed, my dad gave me a little bag from the funeral director, which held my mother's wedding band. He said that since my sister Cheryl had gotten her engagement ring, many years ago, I should have the wedding band. I was truly touched, and wear it on my right hand. I look at my hand sometimes, my aging hand, looking so liker hers, with that ring on my finger, and I see how time flies. I'm only 14 years younger than she was when she died.

But that quote! "...learn to love what you have..." This goes for people in your life, but also your house or apartment, your circumstances in life.

I didn't start out to write a sad story. I was going to write how my father braved on for seven months after my mom passed, and how one Saturday morning in January, I woke up and my first thought was, "I don't feel like visiting my dad today." It was lonely and empty at that house without my mom. My dad was afraid of catching colds and flus, so if the kids went with me, they had to stay on the other side of the room, he wasn't giving out any hugs. They didn't like that house, with my dad so sad, and my mom not there. He gave them dollars and had candy jars, but still. So that Saturday morning turned to afternoon, and I resigned myself to a drive down the Thruway for a visit, when my brother called...my dad had gotten up from his chair, fallen down, and my brother thought it was a stroke...I asked Paul if I should head to the hospital, he said of course I should, but still, I did not want to. I was still raw from losing my mom, and did not want to face this.

We all gathered into a special little family waiting room, my siblings and I. No word on my dad, no word, no word, for so long that my younger brother finally went to the nursing station and told the nurse that if she didn't tell him where his dad was, he was going to walk down the E.R. hall and start pulling curtains open, and find him himself. She promptly pointed him to where my dad was...we surrounded his bed, told him we loved him, held his hand and patted his arm, things my gruff father would have pretended to hate, if he were conscious.

I resented that he passed from consciousness without hearing our declarations of love, lying there alone after his brain scans. They were busy that day in the E.R., and to them, well, he was a 70 year old man who had a stroke. They didn't know he was our dad. The doctor told us that evening that the brain bleed was severe, and even if by some chance our dad woke up, he would basically be...well, he really wasn't there anymore. So we could choose to leave him on the ventilator or we could have him unplugged and let him pass. We chose the latter. He was unhooked at midnight, and we stayed with him for an agonizing 8 hours before he took his last breath. I choose to believe that he did hear us, and that he felt the rubbing of his arms and the patting of his shoulders, as we thanked him for caring for us...

Back to reality, Char is asking me if we have gelatin...she wants to make tapioca bubbles...we have things to do, cupcakes to bake, and and and...because tomorrow, a party!!!!!

just a Wednesday...winding down our summer...

Today was like an autumn day, crisp and lovely, too chilly to go to the lake, much too cold to swim in the pool, the now COLD pool. If this were a day in May, we'd be filled with hope for summer, but now that we're on the downside of summer, well...

So we brought back returnable cans and bottles, and wowza, got thirty bucks! Yay, girls, lets go out to lunch!

We had buy one get one free coupons for a local Mexican place, so we got some take-out, and went to the park. This lovely park was one of my late mother's favorites, from when she was a little girl. I used to bring her there with my kids through the years too...it is a really beautiful place.

We stopped at Walmart for red onions, lime tortilla chips, and a green pepper. We have peppers growing in the garden, but not enough will be ripe for Friday's nacho party, for Evelyn's 21st.

We went to Marshall's for a birthday gift for her, and I found some fun things: a cupcake stand, metal and wood, and so cute. I'm too lazy to get up and go take a pic right now, but I'll take one when Camille fills it with her decadent cupcakes. I found an under the counter organizer, and an iron frying pan, which I didn't buy because I found too many things today, ha.

Dunkin' for coffee, because: the pumpkin spice came out today! I long for it, but order mine with no sugar, just cream, no flavor swirls, it's full of sugar. :(

Home...a trip to the dump, we cleared some things from under the deck...I stayed behind and grilled on charcoal. It's a small grill, and I am no expert, so I did over cook the steak, but it was delicious anyway. Three dollar a pound London Broil, marinated 24 hours in lime juice, salt and pepper, not bad, in fact, super yummy.



So tomorrow, it's prep day. Chopping and slicing and baking and frosting, decorating and getting ready for the party!!! Friday during the day, we'll go on an adventure...to be determined...

Jonathan will be home from Montana tonight! It looks like he has been having fun!


And...goodnight!

...back to normal, please!

My son is in Montana, he sent me a few pics:

Beautiful, right?

Two of my daughters are in Maine, they sent a pic:

Pretty gorgeous, right?

We need to get this country moving again, traveling, revive the airlines and hotels and restaurants! All these travel restrictions are ridiculous. If you do some research about five year death averages in different places, this "pandemic' didn't cause the harm you are being led to believe it did. What we have now is what some are calling "caseology", where yeah, you are still seeing people test positive, and it still spreads here and there, but are people still dying? Okay, everyone has the elderly uncle's friend who died, and the sister-in-law who got so sick she thought she was done for. And I don't doubt there were hospitals over run, and nursing homes which suffered and sorrowed...but it's time to get back to normal. I read that one reason so many haven't been stricken with this is because there are other corona viruses, and some have immunity to them already.

Today, I am going back to Normal...to the dentist! I can't tell you what joy this brings me, joy that our dentist's little practice didn't just go under...I mean, there are still bills to pay, and when you have no patients for months on end...? I personally despise sitting in the chair, whether it's for a cleaning or...the fixing of whatever latest disaster they find, I would rather have a baby with no pain meds, and believe me, I have done that, SEVERAL TIMES. I had to fill out an online health assessment form, and we'll see how different it is in the office. Sonja has an appointment too, I imagine we'll have to wait in the car for each other.

Yesterday, we drove up to the little city where Evelyn works, and went shopping with her a bit after work.

They got a bit silly.

Grandchildren galore, yesterday!

Anya, Lydia, Elise...grandma made them Jiffy Pop, and it didn't pop so well, but they were impressed anyway, with the magic popcorn.



We still have a lot of toys for our youngest being 12 years old! We're thinking of moving them all, storing them and getting them out just when the grandkids come over...there are so many toys behind the couch, it's silly. We also have this little foozeball table (table soccer?) behind the couch, and I sadly discovered yesterday that SOMEONE shoved the couch back and the handles of the table stuck right into the sheetrock, making two huge holes in the wall back there. I didn't realize how upset I was until Sonja encouraged me not to cry. We don't have any more of this color paint, I told her! We decided to at least move the toys out and put the couch against the wall...ugh. It CAN be fixed, just another thing on the list, right?

And believe me, I decided pretty quickly that it's fruitless to try to figure out who the SOMEONE is...ha.

So this Friday, my eleventh child, Miss Evelyn Joy, is turning 21! Can you believe that? We are planning to do something fun for her birthday, during the day, then a party here in the evening. For the party we are having pulled pork nachos, with all the fixings. Camille is in charge of dessert, she's making lemon cupcakes with lavender buttercream frosting.

On Saturday, the girls are all going on a white-water rafting/ziplining excursion, not sure what Jon will be doing, as he'll be back from Montana. I'm hoping to go out to dinner with Paul, as that's my birthday gift from him, and that was like six weeks ago. :). We were thinking to just get something to go and head to a park somewhere. I've never been too big on sitting in a restaurant. Once we went out to dinner, when we had like ten or 12 kids, so many of them little, it was a rare treat to be alone and be able to talk to each other without interruptions. I was pregnant and we had to decide on a name, so there we were at a nice restaurant with our name book, and a waitress who wanted to be a part of the process. Every chance she got, she came over to chat and give suggestions. In any other circumstance, I would totally be her best friend, but that night, I just felt like she was stealing our alone time, we can stay HOME and be interrupted, for free!

Anyway. Charlotte Claire and Camille are coming along with us this morning when we go to our appointments because we will then get the ingredients for the cupcakes, and some party supplies. We've been watching a dessert baking competition show, and they have too many ideas!

early pumpkins, welcome fall...?

um, no. Fall is NOT welcome yet. Autumn comes soon enough, and I begrudge it, with it's flower killing, pool chilling nights, and ground cooling days, forcing the Birkenstocks back on to the bare feet.

No, it is not welcome here. It's beauty and spice are lovely enough, but not yet.

The pool water is too chilly for August. It's like July was August, and now it's September already.

Why are we rushing things? Halloween candy galore, in August? Is it just because we're fat, and we like candy, or are we really in such a rush to get summer over with?

March and April, even May of this year, here in central NY state were gloomy affairs. The cold and the rain and the clouds and the chill, spring was never ever going to arrive. Summer finally came, and here we are, trying to boot her out, usher her into history, when she still has crickets singing and warm beach days to offer!

Today was supposed to be a rainy day, but Ms. Sunshine is bright! Four grandchildren are coming over today, Miss Lydia and her little baby sister Ophelia, and Miss Anya and her little sister Elise, are all coming for to be babysat for a bit. When it rains, it pours! I had planned a bit of indoor fun, maybe making a fort, and having JiffyPop, but if it's nice out, that's where they'll want to be, one or two steps ahead of grammy. I love spending time with the grandkids, but I always ask myself: How in the world did I possibly manage to raise SIXTEEN KIDS?

Now, here's a sad thing: when there are "...no comments pending moderation..." Yes, when I check for comments on the blog, and it's a ghost town! I don't always answer them, but I do love them. When I write this, I just write, not taking into account who reads it, and it surprises and delights me when I realize that people actually read it!

Anyone here sick and tired of the virus? Stop watching the news, seriously. If you're a CNN person, watch some FOX too. If you're watching it all day long, don't blame me if you're depressed and anxious, turn it off. It's good to have a general idea what's going on, but the news makes it all seem so doom and gloom and dire. More and more cases, yet the death rates are about the same as they normally are in the same months in previous years. It's not entirely a hoax, but...yeah, it's getting there. LIVE YOUR LIFE! Constant fear is debilitating.

This past weekend, camping, was heavenly, because it was like the virus doesn't even exist. On the beach, you don't get close to anyone anyways, outside of your own group or family, but the playground was swarming with happy, carefree kids. It was just such a nice getaway. I realized that here at home, the only places I usually go are to store, where you mask up, social distance, and sanitize your hands after...but going camping and being out in the world, seeing other people living normally, it's refreshing.

Well, the girls will be arriving soon, so I think I'll get some things ready for them, plus I'm doing some laundry. I made a huge coffee grounds mess this morning, then proceeded to do some deep kitchen cleaning while cleaning up the mess, so I haven't been a total bum this morning, but let's just say I'm well rested now, ha.

....home from a seriously nice weekend...

That sunset though! The first night, there were only six of us there, not including the two little girls (Anya and Elise). So these three NY strips, roasted over the coals, were plenty for our evening snack.

Oh, the best laid plans...! We started off on Thursday, after putting oil in the van, air in the tires, packing it up, yay, finally on the road, and at a good time! We would get to the campground nice and early. It was extra adventurous, because it was just Sonja and I, and Miss Char and Miss Cam. Ben and Ashley and their two little girls would be up a bit later, in the site next to us.

Well. We got a half hour into our trip, and WHOA, was there a really really loud motorcycle behind us? nope, that was our red minivan, oh my dear goodness, shaking and quaking and clacking and roaring, uh-oh. We pulled over, and all jumped out, just in case it started on fire, because well, it seemed likely, and because Sonja really thought it was going to happen. You could smell gasoline, and the engine light went on. I called Paul to let him hear the sound it was making and he wondered if I should try to just drive it back home...then a guy in a truck slowed down and asked if we needed help. Well, yes, I said, I'm not sure if I should drive this thing or not. Well, he pulled over, got out, and he looked a little...sketchy. He had a bandana on his head, and an earring, and I'm not judging, I'm just sayin'. So he looks under the hood, and declares that a sparkplug blew clear out of the engine. But, he offers to follow us home, says he lives a few blocks from us, and we take him up on it. We drove with the flashers on, and it was like we were on a roller coaster, the noise it made going up the hills...it was crazy, a white knuckle ride. This nice guardian angel stopped and talked to Paul, explained what he thought was wrong, and wished us well.

So, we unpacked the broken van, and thankful that we made it home safely, piled everything into the new Mitsubishi. Some of it didn't fit, so we left it behind in the truck for Paul to bring up the next night.

And off we started, again.

One of the casualties of the smaller vehicle was my big comfy mattress. No way, no how, it had to stay behind. Miss Char so nicely let me use her little, thin air mattress, and she snuggled in with her sisters. (Can I just say it got an F- from me? I was thankful for it, but ow, my hip hit the ground). Paul brought the big one up the next night, and since we didn't have the electrical outlet in the van, Benjamin brought it over to the bathhouse with the extension cord, inflated it, and carried it to my tent. Talk about the Princess and the Pea, it was hilarious, and embarrassing, but ahh, it was nice to have my comfy mattress for the next two nights!


The trials weren't over for the day yet though...our tent situation was, in retrospect, hilarious. It's always funny afterwards, but during it, well...one tent smelled funky, and the girls declared they were sleeping in mine with me, then...the elastic that held the 13 pieces of tent pole together snapped, and we threaded it back through like five times before we got it sorted, had to tie it off, and thread the other piece through the other pieces, couldn't re-connect them, etc., then we got it set up, and it was all wonky. There were only 12 pieces, uh oh! We found the other piece later, and got it put in, and it stayed up.

The stinky tent aired out, and with the help of a fabric softener sheet from Ashley when they arrived, was fine.

It was kind of fun though, to start out with trials, then finally get it all sorted out and set up.

The beach up there is gorgeous. You can bring dogs, there are no lifeguards, and you can have floats and boats.



The dogs love going in to chase the stick in the water.


Grand baby Ophelia visited for the day, and grammy rocked her to sleep.


Auntie Evelyn holding Ophelia, and little Elise.


Sonja, Cam, Char.


Evelyn, Char, Sonja, Cam, taking the two Labs and Ben and Ashley's two pups for a walk.


In the first pic, that's Ben in the front with his Baxter and Lila.


Sunny and Suri, all excited to go bye-bye, not realizing they were leaving such a nice place.

Refreshed and relaxed, we are home, time to mow the lawn and clean things up...

what I should be doing...

Why is it that whenever I'm sitting in my comfy (okay, we all know this chair is NOT my REAL comfy chair...)chair, doing what I love to do, which is to ramble on...I SHOULD be doing something else? Why do I procrastinate so?

Packing, that's what today's schedule includes. But wait, there's more: we're making a pasta salad, and cutting up fruit! Watermelon, strawberries, and grapes, and no, we don't cut the grapes. I have loose ends galore, my bedding and sneakers and bathing suit, vitamins (last time we went, I forgot to take them before bed, no magnesium=leg cramps!).

The table pile grows, and we vacuumed out the van and started putting tents and chair in it last evening. We are taking the old minivan because it's roomier than my spiffy new car.

Something else exciting is happening today: we are donating our old blue minivan to a charity that Paul found, something for kids. I personally thought we should just sell it for like $500 and donate the money, if that's what he wanted to do, cut out the middle man, because I am always so...hmmm...suspicious? Whose pockets are getting lined, where is the money going? If you research some of the charities out there, the CEOs are making six figures. Only a small percent of your donation is actually going to help someone. There is so much corruption in our nature, and if one isn't taking up the battle against it, well, there is going to be some greed.

But he was excited about the idea, and every once in a while, I actually shut my trap and let someone else get their way.

So today, someone is coming to tow the old blue van away. I remember how exciting it was to get that van! We had been a Big Van family for so long, remember, there was a time we didn't even fit in our 15 passenger van, with sixteen kids and the two of us. We had to take the van AND the truck, if we were all going. Then the older ones grew up and go their own cars, ect, and we found ourselves in the market for a minivan. I felt so spiffy and up-to-date, driving that thing around, and let me tell you, parking and backing up were suddenly a piece of cake! And filling the gas tank, well, wow!

The years passed, and our 2008 Chevy Uplander...well, it died a slow death. It still actually runs, but needs work, and we don't feel it's worth the work it needs. The red van is the same year, and has it's issues, but is still okay. We're going to keep it, because it's paid off, and the kids can use it instead of my new car, right?

Who cares, I think as I write these boring details. Who in the heck cares? But it's my blog, so if I want to rant and blah, I can...but I'm sorry if it's boring.

There is a method to my madness, I think...as long as I'm sitting here busy writing, I can prolong the agony of starting to pack, and why I like to do this is way beyond me.

I love and dread camping. Sleeping in a tent is a surefire way to have to pee during the night, and all the rigamarole of getting up and unzipping the tent, which sounds earth shatteringly loud, then it's so dark! And this place isn't the kind of woodsy place you can just hop into the woods and squat down, no, you have to go to the bathhouse, and it's so spooky at night. If one of the Labs wakes up and notices you leaving, you are kind of screwed, because they will start wagging, and if you have ever heard a Lab wagging, that tail is loud when it smacks everything in its way, and they might bark when you return, forgetting it was you who left, and thinking the tent being unzipped is...a stranger.

The dogs love going camping though. They have a beach here that dogs are allowed on. Technically, they aren't, but no one enforces it, and everyone brings their dogs, so hopefully no one Karens it up on us. Sunny and Suri are stick chasers in the water, and they do this until they are exhausted, and they just lie there panting and smiling. They are just happy.

Paul isn't coming up until tomorrow night, as he has to work, so we have to fit so much stuff ourselves, and put up the tents ourselves too. I have already packed the most important thing: my bed. It's one of those electrically inflating beds, plug it in, turn it on, and voila, it is a thigh high bed. I won't say it's comfy, but I feel like a real jerk complaining about it, because obviously it't the hands-down comfiest bed off everyone's. But shh, since I AM the princess and the pea, it's not that great. I have the extension cord packed too, it plugs into the van, you start the van, and it's magic.

It takes up most of the tent, too.

I am super excited to camp, besides the physical discomforts. Lake Ontario feel like home to me, like childhood. We camped at this place when I was a kid, and it was heavenly. Ben and Ashley are camping next to us, so I get a few days of seeing those grandkids, and there is nothing like the morning snuggles.

All right...so much to do, but hey, it's worth it!

Oh, we went out and about yesterday when the girls got home...to get Evelyn a birthday present, she's turning 21 next week!

Sonja and me, and Miss Camille and Miss Charlotte Claire in the back...my arms! Goodness, you lose some weight, and the wrinkles! Oh well.

We came home and had pulled pork nachos for dinner, with garden tomatoes and peppers, oh so good. We sprinkled lime juice on the chips before putting them in the oven. mmmm. When you only eat one meal a day, it's nice when it's so delicious. Cherries for dessert...mmm.

Okay, off I go. I'll be home on Sunday...have a really good weekend, and pray that Jonathan and his friends have a safe trip too, traveling to a state on the dreaded governor's dreaded list....Jon has some poison ivy, and sometimes gets reactions to it, so he has pics of the insurance cards, hopefully he'll be okay and won't need a prescription...ugh, he's sixteen and so grown up and mature, but it's hard to let them go....he'll be fine!