life certainly has changed....

A few years ago, let's say five, I was busy. I was busy starting this blog, 7 months pregnant for Camille. Charlotte Claire was sixteen months old, and Jonathan was three. Sonja was starting kindergarten. Suze was 6, Evelyn 8, Kathryn 9, Margaret 10, Sam 12, Mali 13, Aaron 14, Joseph 16, Mirielle 17, Benjamin 18, Abigail 20, and Emily was 22. Phew. There were times even busier than that, times when I had five kids not yet in school. Times when, between nursing the baby and keeping the one year old out of the sugar bowl and the two and three year olds out of the Desitin, washing clothes and changing diapers and feeding them all...ha, no wonder I just ate bagels and cereal all day. How could I have cut up veggies for a salad? Anyway, I have lived through some busy days. Days when even a sit on the toilet was interupted by small children with important things to say. And yes, I often did bring the baby right in there with me because then at least I was positive that a well-meaning three year old wouldn't pick him up and rock him for me.

Going "bye-bye" with them was the hardest. And I did it, all the time. Perhaps that's how I dealt with the messy house, I walked out. Perhaps I liked going out and about and liked bringing the kids places...but getting out the door, oh I don't miss that. The inevitable stinky diaper right as I got everyone into their shoes and coats...the two or three trips up and down those deck steps, carrying the car seat and the toddler...climbing in back and buckling them all up...remembering all the bottles and sippy cups and wipes in my purse. Crackers in my purse. Cheerios in my purse. Getting to my destination, like the dr. office, for example, and unloading them all, wishing I had three hands for the parking lot...because those car seats are heavy, and toddlers don't listen.

So why am I sitting here hating the silence?

Oh, there is plenty to do. Dishes that multiply secretly in the night, never ending laundry...we still have a few bed wetters. The floors can always use some sweeping, and there are a multitude of projects waiting for me, like photo albums and drawers that need sorting.

But. I hate the silence.

There is a watch beeping, someone set the alarm for ten a.m. many months ago, it goes off every day. But I only seem to notice it when I am here all by my lonesome.

Suri is sleeping, the kittens are off with their Mama.

I am alone.

I made waffles for them this morning. The little kids had whipped cream and strawberries on them. I made some lunches, and gave showers. I found Camille's physical exam/immunization records and put them in her homework folder. Their homework got done, folders were in backpacks, hair was done nicely. I waited in the driveway with them, with Suri, and watched that bus swallow them up. wah.

I didn't go on my big walk yet, I slept just a few minutes too long...and would have missed out on time with the older school kids...and the college kids, who are very amusing in the morning. There is never any food! What should they make for lunch? Never mind that we have pears and plums and bananas and yogurt and grapes and turkey and bologna and bagels and bread cheese and cheese crackers and pretzels. We also have fruit snacks, individual packs of peanutbutter/crackers, and Poptarts. What else can they possibly want?

I had my oatmeal with sliced almonds, unsweetened coconut, blueberries, milk, and um...brown sugar. Without the sugar, it tastes like a punishment. I have tried Stevia, and blah. I AM trying to go really easy on the brown sugar....

Wow, 56 degrees feels so cold after the hot summer we enjoyed this year. Makes me want to bake pumpkin muffins, but I won't because I can't resist them. Also because this morning I was a pound heavier than I was yesterday morning. blah. I want the numbers to go down...and stay down, and go even lower. Today I will work hard. I will exercise, I will walk, I will eat healthy stuff, lots of veggies. And, shh, perhaps I will find a little time to sneak under a blanket with a good book....