well, that ain't happenin'.....

No vacation for us. Wah. Paul has something going on at work, the only week that would work for us. Wah. January, February...March...those months are much more difficult because Joseph will probably not be here to get the kids on the bus, Mirielle will be back in college after Christmas break...AND, Paul has vacation to use before the end of the year. Ironic.

Anyway, I was very disapointed about not being able to go. For a mere two days, I was all of the sudden so hopeful that we were going away to sunshine, it is hard to believe the let down is so painful!

I know, I am a big baby. I was telling myself that this morning after I got the last of the kids out the door and on that school bus. We have SO much to be thankful for...(but the BEACH, THE SUNSHINE, SLEEPING IN, relaxing...), we are so blessed, (but the ocean, the moonlit walks on the beach holding hands....)...rrr.

Anyway, I am getting over it. Wish he had never uttered those words, "Punta Cana".

Yesterday was a Shopping Day. And man, was it fun! Samuel, 17, didn't go to school...Margaret 15, didn't go to school...so I did what ever nice mom does when her kids skip, I took them to the mall! We got three secret Santa gifts taken care of, and a few more gifts bought. We had coffee from Starbucks, which those two really like. Sam actually had a Caramel Brulee Latte, I had a medium roast with a sugar-free mocha flavor shot, as did Margaret. We went to Target and took care of a few more gifts, then to the grocery store for milk and detergent beef and chicken and some coupon items.

Home, and dang, there was no time for the spaghetti meal Evelyn was starting to make...the kids had to get to choir practice, the older ones to band and chorus. I had to get Mali to court for that ticket. So...they had cereal for dinner. Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Golden Grahams, oh how I wanted some. I just waited, and my poor tummy growled rather loudly as we waited our turn at court.

Court was sad. The only other people there to stand before the judge were from the county jail, all dressed in orange with their hands and feet shackled. One young kid, no more than 18 or 19, had been incarcerated since February, but was going home next month, to appear back in court in January...he was crying, and his mama was posting bail. She wanted to hug him so badly, wipe away his tears...he couldn't with his hands shackled like that. I don't know what he did, but his mom still loves him. Then there was the lady who said she shot her boyfriend last month, just a few roads down from here...same road Mali totalled Abigail's car on, actually. She called 911 and admitted what she had just done. I wondered at the time what he did to deserve it, but since then I have re-thunk it, and yes I do know that, "re-thunk" is not a word. But I wonder now...if she just had problems, that poor lady. And now she is no longer part of the regular world. Her roots were coming in, no make-up, in chains and those ugly orange slip-on sneakers she wouldn't have been caught dead in, in her old life.

Anyway, after the cops (sorry Samuel - Criminal Justice Boy, I meant Police Officers, of course) escorted their prisoners out, Mali got to stand before His Honor. She chose to plead guilty, since the District Attorney had agreed to lower the charges to a non-moving violation, which means no penalty on the license. She got a fifty dollar fine and a $55 court surcharge. I paid. She has no money. I said, "Merry Christmas, Mali."

But I will still get her something. She is a good girl.

Sonja K. is home from school today. She says her tummy hurts.

Can't blame her, she heard about all the fun we had yesterday...

I never did fit in any exercise yesterday, but I ate sort of good. Okay, I had popcorn for dinner. When I got home it was late, too late for real food. blah.

But, today is another day. And even though we aren't going on a tropical vacation, I will be serious about my New Lifestyle.

And, what is the MOST important thing today? That I am good. Romans 2, verse 4, "......the goodness of God leads you to repentance.." So what does it mean to be good? To judge myself and be merciful. To hear what God is saying to me about ME. It is quite amazing how much easier it is to be gentle and forgiving when I know exactly how I myself fall short of all things virtuous.

When I am seeking these things that are really important, then I am a blessing to my family.

So that's good for me. Because this is something I can do, something I can work on.

I am thankful that Being A Good Mom isn't all about being organized, or remembering everything. I don't have to be clever, and figure out just what each one needs. I can just ask of God, He gives wisdom to those who ask. And seriously, what each one mostly needs is a Mom who isn't harsh or short with them. Who labors to be patient. Who gives without demanding thankfulness.

So I have my work cut out for me, because by nature, I am not a patient person!!! And, since I know it is my job, I will clean this place up, match the socks, plan a decent dinner. I know God doesn't make mistakes, but sometimes I am tempted to wonder why He thought I would be all right with sixteen kids. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly. But. I feel like I deserve a prize when I clean out the refrigerator. I will organize a cupboard, swear it will stay that way, then show all the kids how clean it is. We will ooh and aw over it, and they will say, "Mom, it won't stay that way."

I am excited for Christmas this year. I have to clean out my closet and see what I have for everyone. Benjamin will be home and that is very exciting for us.