my six youngest daughters....

Suzanne 14, Sonja K. 13, Kathryn 17, me 50 ha, Evelyn Joy 16, then Miss Charlotte Claire 9, and Miss Camille Anaya 8...the other 10 are scattered here and there and at work...


We went out and about yesterday to pick up Kathryn's new glasses, and Evelyn's new glasses. Kap needs hers for reading, Ev for distance. We were good girls, and decided not to walk the mall while we were there. Camille, the girl on crutches, was the only one who really wanted to...Cam likes clothes, and loves getting new ones, so she was really wanting to look. But the older girls were feeling spoiled and satiated from Christmas still, and agreed that if we looked we would want to buy, and we don't need anything.

We did stop at the grocery store...we decided to have pasta and meatballs for dinner, with fresh Italian bread and rolls, in case they wanted meatball subs. (I had green beans with meatballs).

They were planning a get-together last night, but we ended up with just five friends over. The older girls borrowed Char and Cam's new karaoke machine, and were loud and silly. The little girls played in their room, Jon played video games, and the rest of us watched a stupid scary movie, but it was fun.

This morning as I cleaned up candy wrappers and emptied soda cups and tea mugs, and swept up stray potato chips and cookie crumbs, I thought, "I am done with Christmas." Don't get me wrong. I love company. But as the Mom, I see what needs to be done, and either I do it myself, or I enlist help, and that is a lose/lose situation. Balk, balk, balk, why don't you ask HER, she hasn't done ANYTHING. Okay, they aren't always that bad, sometimes I exaggerate. It isn't just the cleaning up...I can't explain it...but sometimes I get to where I would like to go crawl into bed and pull the covers over myself, and get away from all the noise and banter. Just saying this makes me feel like a bad person, but it's there. It's not as strong as the desire to be with my kids though, and if one of the older ones who no longer lives at home were to call me right now and say they were coming over, I would put on a pot of coffee and get ready for a visit. The grass is always greener. I remember years ago, complaining about the perpetual motion of our household to my mother...she gave me no sympathy. She simply said, "I'll trade you. It's so lonely here..."

This morning, Paul and some of the older ones left for the basketball game...Joseph, his friend Caleb, Suzanne, Sonja...are all here, but in their rooms...so just Jonathan 11, Char 9, and Cam 8 were here in the living room with me. I said, "What if we just had three kids, just you three...whatever would we do?" They agreed it would be strange. The girls skipped down to their room to play with their new dolls, Jon is on his computer, and it is quiet in here. The tree is lit up, the coffee pot is on, the dogs are snoring.

And...we are out of milk, coconut oil, and the Redbox movie has to be returned. It is dismal and rainy out, and I don't want to get dressed and leave. I took a piece of beef from the freezer and am planning a stew...or just maybe a roast...it is frozen solid, I am such a good planner, I astound even my self.

I don't mind keeping busy though. And I like making good food, making people happy. The meatballs last night were so good, and so appreciated. Sam either eats at the mess hall (I don't think that's what it's called anymore, in the Army, but whatever), or he eats what he prepares himself...which is not homecooked food. He wants me to make him some beef stroganoff this week.

Ben and Ashley sent us some coffee from out there in Seattle Washington, the unofficial coffee capitol of the country. It's nice and dark and so so good. Mali's boyfriend Zac bought me Starbuck's Cinnamon Dolce, which Sam also bought me, along with a bag of caramel coffee. Oooh, I like Christmas coffee! The chocolates though, dang, I want to eat them. I am thinking of being a good clean eater all week, then having chocolate on New Year's Eve.

We still have cookies here, then Sonja's friend arrived last night with a big pan filled with...more cookies, plus rice krispie Christmas trees. I didn't touch them, but the kids did. We also have chocolate...one pound Hershey bars were marked down to $2.75. Um, yes? I'll take three. They will keep in the closet for a while, until the kids need a snack for something or other. I love Hershey's chocolate, mmm. Maybe I'll bring a few to Norway for my girls when I visit.

The struggle is real. Getting back on track is harder than staying on track in the first place, but it was nice to have some treats over Christmas.

Aaron is moving to California, next week...
He loves his little niece Lydia:)

I am going to miss him like crazy. He's taking a temporary travel nurse position, but is giving up his apartment in the city...so I suspect he's never coming back, except to visit. He's always loved the warm weather, and the finer things in life...he will make a good salary out there, and is continuing with his education too. I'm making myself cry now. I don't want him to be a stranger. Life's too short to only see your children once a year or so. Having Ben on the west coast is hard enough. I was never one of those moms who jumped up and down when the child left for kindergarten, nor do I make big plans for their bedrooms when they finally move out, although their younger siblings put dibs on them...there are more bedrooms with less kids in them these days. They have to grow up and function on their own, and so far they have done quite well at this, which is a good thing. But to me, they are always my kids. My soul aches when they don't get promoted or if they get a traffic ticket. I feel bad or them when they're tired or if they have a big tax bill to pay, or even if they drop their phone and shatter the screen.

It's clear I am starting to ramble...it's just that it's so quiet and comfy here in my chair...but off to the store I go...first, I have to extend an invite to the little girls...they like getting out of the house...