in denial....

I must stop Christmas from coming, but how?  (The Grinch).  I do love Christmas, but I hate it too.  It's very stressful and expensive, but at the same time, I truly love giving gifts.  I want everyone to be happy, and everyone to know I love them, and I want to bless them so much.  But it's a lot of work.

When the kids were little, I Christmas shopped year round.  If Target clearanced their toys in July, I stocked up.  I had a Present Closet, and when they were invited to a birthday party, or for their own birthdays, I always had something.  Now, they're big and picky.  The things that delight them are pricier.  I still stock up for the grandkids, but just their birthdays alone clean out my Present Closet.  I can't get ahead.  

My Christmas list has 40 names on it.  Forty.  That's just kids and their spouses, and the grandkids, and Paul.  Shh, I added up what I spent last year, and ugh.  I'm planning on simpler this year.   Problem is, I have barely started.  I bought Paul a chargeable salt and pepper grinder set, with his own money, ha. I also have like two grandchildren gifts.  I'm thinking to get the grandkids one thing each, not even the babies, because I buy them cute baby clothes all the time.  And the grandkids have SO many toys, their parents don't want more.  Then the older kids and spouses one thoughtful thing each, then the kids that live here, maybe a certificate that says they can eat dinner here all year for free ha.  just kidding.  

I missed Friday at the pool, and it'll feel nice to go today and get into that water.  It WON'T feel nice to get out of my comfy chair and pack my backpack, and go out into the cold.  There is frost on the car this fine morning, it was mighty cold last night.  Paul is out hunting with his bow, for the last time of the season.  He just likes being out in the woods, I think.  I also think he has this crazy idea that we'll save money if we eat more venison, but I can tell you right now, keep dreaming.  I know, I'm a brat, and I don't openly diss it, because he is so happy about it, but...I'll taste it, but don't think I'll ever love it.  

Our washing machine is giving us headaches again.  He has to remove the dryer from on top of it, then take it apart and diagnose it, order a part, and fix it.  He is the real and actual Mr. Fix-It.  If worse comes to worse, he'll throw in the towel and buy one from Marketplace, but he'll try everything to fix it first.  Our appliances get together at night and make their plans, it's always someone's turn to get fixed.  The kitchen sink has been backing up too.  :)

But here's the thing:  the other day one of my daughters said, "It never ends!", in slight exasperation as one of her sweet children threw himself on the floor for a little tantrum.  I said, no it never ends, until one day it does.  I've thought of that a lot.  We can be so impatient with life, and want it to just straighten out, so it's smooth and we don't have to suffer.  That is NOT going to happen.  It only happens to OTHER people, and that's only our imagination that it happens for OTHER people.  (Their houses are clean, too, and their kids are angels....and they have their Christmas shopping done). We want solutions and fixes and answers. 

But life is a finite deal.  It's just a ride through.  If we were only truly aware of how transient the trials really are.  The things that were actual Big Deals, like when Camille refused to wear socks because they scrunched up and hurt her toes, or when Ben stole a piece of gum and lied about it, or when the cat kept getting pregnant before we could get her in to be spayed.  

Oh dear, I've sat here rambling, and used up every last minute to get ready for the pool.  I'll walk in a day late and a dollar short when the class has already started...bye!!!!