ah when it rains...

It pours. Not all stories are mine to tell. Joseph, my fifth born child, who is really all grown up now, the artist, has broken a molar, and has been suffering immensely. I'll spare the details, but he hasn't been able to get into the dentist...he's on the phone now trying to figure something out, after another sleepless night.

And me...well, I have been having this pain in my side on and off for quite a while. It has gotten really bad in the last few weeks. I tried my usual strategy, which is to ignore it and it will go away. When that didn't work, I procrastinated a little. When the pain flared up, like in the middle of the night, I would be all like, yes, I need to call the dr. Then in the morning, it wouldn't seem so bad, and well, I'll be fine. But the other night, I had several sleepless hours, so...I called the dr. in the morning, and there was an opening for yesterday afternoon.

My blood pressure was 124/72, and I lost another 12 pounds since early July (as per their records, I have lost a total of 76 pounds) (remember, I had lost more, was 8 pounds less than I am now, but started that dreaded re-gain....until I got serious again) But the point of the visit wasn't weight nor blood pressure, it was this pain...we decided it is probably an ovarian cyst. Which led me to schedule a sonogram at the hospital next week. It also led me to read lots of scary stuff online. So of course the thoughts come...one minute I'm all but dead and buried, and the next I'm certain that it's just a painful cyst.

I saw a quote recently that went along the lines of...You can have faith or you can worry, but you can't do both.

God does know the beginning and the end, so why is it so hard for me not to know?

My sonogram isn't until next week, but I have to call the GYN for an appointment too. I'll be asking some questions, perhaps I can be seen earlier just in case this is more of an emergency, because sometimes it hurts quite badly. The horror stories I read into the night last night! Of things bursting! Of huge tumors! Ha, I hope if I have a tumor it's a huge-0 one and I'll instantly lose like 20 pounds. That would explain a lot, ha. But seriously, it does put things in perspective. I'm not going to Go There, I'm not going to start in on the, 'What if this is my last Christmas" garbage, but believe me, those little headlines float across the inside of my forehead.

But today, I have more pressing things to attend to. I was supposed to do the shopping for Sunday's Christmas celebration at church, with Emily...at Costco, our favorite place. I have been looking forward to it all week. But Joseph is on the phone getting a referral to an oral surgeon, he's in some serious pain...okay. He's going in today...and he's not supposed to drive himself. Camille has to see the orthopedic doctor for an x-ray this morning to see how her ankle is healing, then over to the oral surgeon with Joseph. The minivan needs an oil change desperately, so we'll do that too.

I can't help but wonder that if...if my number was up sooner rather than later...how would this machine run without me? It's a sobering thought that the world can run just fine without each and every one of us, but it would really put a damper on this house...I mean, last night, as the rest of the family was retiring to bed, I was mixing up a double batch of chocolate chocolate chip cookies for Evelyn, because I knew today was all booked up, and she needed dessert for tonight's girls' party.

Anyhoo...on to happier things. After my appointment, being all by my lonesome, I took the opportunity to stop into the craft store...I had a $10 rewards coupon...so I had lots of fun for only seven dollars. Ornaments for the mini Christmas tree, which the princesses use for their dolls...a few candles, some ornaments...then I meandered into Walmart to get stuff to make fudge for our church friends. I also got a few small gifts...

Ten pounds of fudge on the kitchen table in covered containers, ready to wrap up in smaller tins for our friends. Five pounds of regular, five of mint.

So now I need to get moving and get out the door with Joseph, Jonathan, Char, and Camille. Cam needs a shower, which requires taking off her cast and holding on to her so she can balance on one foot. I can make them raisin toast to eat in the van. I also need to call the dr. for me quick before I leave. Hurry hurry hurry.

Emily, if you read this, I hope I can still go with you...after Joe's appointment, if it doesn't take too long. They might be just giving him something for the pain and scheduling him for next week. Please wait for me, I wanna go to Costco!