christmas vacation....

And there's no snow here in the northeast...well, there was a dusting this fine morning, and we are supposed to get some tonight. It's just chilly out, damp and wet...no sledding or ice skating, unless we go to an indoor rink. The local roller skating rink closed down, and the kids' museums are expensive. Shopping is also expensive:) I was thinking to at least gather the kids today and take them out for pizza.

But then I am not sure the doctor's office has my cell phone number. Do I wait around for a phone call? It's the Monday after a three day Christmas weekend, the phones at that office are probably ringing off their hooks...people who waited all weekend with their ailments, until they could call on Monday morning.

One minute I think I'm totally fine, they didn't fine a thing on the scan, or perhaps one of those water-filled cysts that will just go away on it's own. Life stretches before me infinitely again. Then I eat something, and feel so bloated and full, and have heartburn, and just feel blah, and I am certain that I am a goner.

And in the midst of it, there is this thing called Real Life. You know, where the dirty towels stack up and you run out of garbage bags and the 'fridge really needs to be cleaned out. And our refrigerator is picking a fine time to act up: Paul keeps having to use the hair dryer to melt the ice so the fridge side stays cold...it's science. I swear, our appliances are haunted. But we know how to fix a leaky washer, throw a towel on the floor in front of it. We have a refrigerator towel, too.

Paul's back to work today, but only for today, tomorrow, and Wednesday, then he has another nice long weekend.

Sometimes I feel like I have lost myself along the way, in being a mom. My life is molded around the needs and wants of others. I would love to go get in bed and read a book, but I would only do that if everything else was taken care of, and no one needed me for anything. But again, The Grass Is Always Greener thing...it truly isn't doing what you like that makes you happy, it's being happy in what you're doing. My life is rich and blessed, yet I find so much discontent. And while writing this, I had a thought: maybe it's time to play the Glad Game, you know, Pollyanna? She received a missionary barrel, and hoped there was a doll in it, but there were a pair of crutches. So she decided to just be glad she didn't NEED the crutches. Thankfulness is a very powerful force, it does indeed wage war against the Poor Me spirit.

We do get to choose, despite our circumstances, whether to be thankful or just complain endlessly. Does God really know just what I need, or do I know better?