Ah, Christmas. I have made cut out cookies three times now, two of the butter/sugar, and one of gingerbread. Last night I had a few...I figured if I was carbing up, I might as well just eat some, because they are going fast. I couldn't freeze any because our freezer is full of venison. I could have fit a few in, I suppose, but I'll just make more before Samuel gets home. Anyway, those cookies are GOOD.
Today, I was good. No cheating, just good healthy food. It's not easy to navigate through life avoiding sugar, but for me, it's necessary. I tell myself all sorts of things to help me stay on the straight and narrow..., like that I have managed for these months, I can manage more months. And it hasn't killed me. I remind myself that even if I have only lost about 20 pounds since the beginning of May, it was part of that roll above the waistband of my jeans. And I don't want that back. Not that it's gone, bit it is a little smaller. And smaller is good. I tell myself that my hot flashes are mostly gone, I am convinced that eating low carb, higher fat keeps them at bay...I tell myself that diabetes is a gateway illness that leads to all sorts of ailments like heart disease. Sugar = trouble, for me.
But the M&M's and the Reese's Peanut Butter Christmas Trees and the cut out cookies and the fudge...they beckon me, try to entice me. And it hasn't killed me yet to resist.
I do try to "carb up" at least once a week, sometimes twice. But those carbs should be relatively healthy...I usually just have popcorn popped in coconut oil. Rice or sweet potatoes are good choices. Not stacks of cookies. :) But occasionally on the carb night I will have a few cookies or something I normally don't eat, knowing that it is only that night, and the next morning I am back on track.
Anyway. I have lots of people on my Christmas list. Paul, Emily, (not Abigail, she's getting a gift when I visit here in Norway in March), Ben and Ashley and Anya, Mirielle, Joseph, Aaron, Mali and baby and Zac, Samuel, (not Margaret, she's also getting something when I visit here in March), Kathryn, Evelyn, Suzanne, Sonja, Jonathan, Charlotte Claire, Camille, my mother-in-law, our friend Adrian who is coming here for Christmas, and something for all my church friends....I have ordered, shopped, wrapped, and half-arsedly kept track of everything. I basically think I'm done, but I will issue my disclaimer again this year: if your sister got more than you, just remember it's not because mom loves her more than she loves you, it's because Mom just got befuddled and lost track of what she got for whom. And if you happened to get more than your sister, share with her for goodness sake, and don't think you are extra special, although you certainly are.
I tried. Aaron's right, that would be perfectly fitting to put on my tombstone.
"Here lies Della
Mother, Friend, Wife
She Tried
Every Day of Her Life"
Or just,
"She Tried."
ha. It's so insulting but so fitting at the same time.
We watched our little sunshine today....Miss Lydia.
With Miss Evelyn Joy...
Christmas time brings it's share of pressures and trials and stresses. The baking and shopping and wrapping and remembering are enough, but then there is other real life, like eye doctor appointments (two tomorrow afternoon), and now a few orthopaedic appointments for Camille. And of course the grocery shopping and cleaning and doing our schoolwork each day. I look after Davian most days (which I love!), and Lydia sometimes (which I also love!), so I never ever get bored. I am working hard not to let holiday stress get it's claws into me. There is the spirit of Always More. More gifts, so they will be more pleased.
Here's something fun...we have lots of dollhouses and a whole collection of Little Tikes but mostly Fisher Price Dream dollhouse furniture. We decided to give a house and lots of accessories to a family we know with lots of small children, for Christmas. It makes me happy to know kids are going to get pleasure from these things I love so much, and it's good for me to let them go. Because believe me, I love these toys...it sounds crazy, but I didn't buy all of it just because my kids like it:)
Here's something not exactly fun, but interesting...our church youth group is selling wreaths for a fundraiser, for building churches and spreading the gospel, with a small portion going to fund activities for the children's groups...today, Sonja went with her cousin and an older friend, and they met an old man. This old man said he would like to buy a wreath, then proceeded to tell them that his wife had just passed away. Today, she died today. He was very sad, and seemed quite lonely. They went and bought him a card and some flowers. Who knows, maybe he has dementia and his wife died ten years ago, but so what. They made him happy. He blessed them, and they blessed him.
I took my walk today. I am trying like crazy to move more these days. It's nice to go on walks in this warm weather! Tomorrow, it's supposed to hit 65 here! In New York, in December! We simply have to go out to a park or something, somehow...it's not easy with Camille on crutches, but perhaps we can figure something out...because snow is in the forecast for next weekend.
5 comments:
I am reading your older posts now and am eager to get to the point where you talk about how you lost the original weight (80 lbs I think you mention - could be wrong) and what the "no sugar/carbs, more fat" eating plan looks like. I had thyroid cancer 6 yrs ago and gained so...much weight before and after I was dx'd. I had my thyroid removed thinking that would solve the weight problem and truly believing the weight would just melt off when I went on the meds to replace the thyroid hormone my body had failed to make for so long....huge disappointment and I've actually gained even more in the past 6 yrs. The only time I have ever really lost during these years has been when I started juicing (lost 25, gained it all back plus more after I quit the juice). It was torture at first, but my tastebuds eventually acclimated and I found my cravings for sugar were pretty much eliminated. I did, however, crave real food tremendously and caught myself cheating with weird things like beef jerky. I tried to cut back on juicing by introducing food on the weekends but I gradually just got sick of all the time it took to juice, how much waste there was in the veggies, the clean up, etc. and quit. I know how lazy this sounds, but if I could just buy the juice at the store I would be more inclined to stick with it! I need to get back on track though and like hearing about your struggles because I keep telling myself if you can do it (with as insanely busy as you are) I can too.
Lisa, here's what happened to me. Through the years of having baby after baby, I gained and didn't lose the baby weight, and ended up quite heavy. My knees were bad, and I huffed and puffed. Then the heartburn started. It got so bad 24/7, no matter what I ate. If I leaned over to put on my shoes, I got acid in my mouth, sorry it's gross, but it was awful. Sleep was torture, I would wake up choking. So I called the doctor. Long story short, at that appointment, my blood pressure was higher than it had ever been, and I was alarmed. I was given prescription Prilosec. After googling Prilosec and seeing possible side-effects (some claimed they had gained weight from it!) I decided I needed to wake up and change my lifestyle. At first, I just moved more. When my son Aaron had surgery on his nose (a deviated septum from a nosebreak), I didn't just sit in the waiting room. I walked my fat rear end around the parking lot, in circles, checking in every once in a while to see if he was out yet. I walked more at every chance, I stopped eating sweets, ate as much as I wanted of meats, veggies, and fruit, and started losing weight. It was slow and agonizing. Then I got pregnant after losing 25 pounds...even saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound, but lost the baby at 7-8 weeks along. That was a rough setback. I came home from the hospital from the D&C, and my daughter had brought me Reese's Pieces, which I devoured. Food/consolation. Anyway. I lost about 80 pounds, then started being not as strict, and it started creeping back on. So I had to do something different...and while I hemmed and hawed and hated those pounds coming back, I started in on the hot flashes. That was the trigger for me to start on the ketogenic diet. Two weeks or so of hot flash hell, then when I started keto, they all but disappeared. I still have them occasionally, but not as intense or frequent. You can google it, and get the details. I have coconut oil and mct (medium chain triglycerides) oil in my coffee, blended up with half and half and sometimes coconut milk, each morning. It keeps me full enough until around noon. Sometimes I eat eggs and bacon, sometimes a handful of nuts (cashews or almonds). I have smoothies with avocado, kale, berries, and flaxseed. I eat veggies with lots of butter. I eat meat. I avoid barbecue sauce because of sugar, and processed foods. I do have a few chicken nuggets here and there when we stop at McDonalds, but mostly just have a coffee. I don't eat chips or cookies or candy...unless I occasionally include them on carb up night, which is important because it helps trick your body...into not just getting into a rut....helps reset metabolism and refill the leptin....can you tell I'm not an expert? But here's why it works for me: I am slowly losing weight, I started in the beginning of May and am down almost 20 pounds. Sugar cravings don't rule me anymore. The fat is now my energy, not carbs, so I don't get all shaky when my sugar drops. I can't explain it, but eating this way lessens the "pull" of eating garbage. I am more contented than I was when I was just trying to diet. It isn't easy, but for someone like me, it will never be easy unless I can just go ahead and eat a whole pie. Anyway, read up on the keto diet, it may be just the thing for you. Ease into it though, I jumped right in and thought I was going to die...:)
Thank you so...much!!!! It helps so much to hear a real person explain what the new eating style (as opposed to the newest "diet") is really like and what worked for them. I read up on people who lost 100 lbs doing just this or that specific thing and it's discouraging to me because I don't like those menus or meal plans that are just way...out there. I don't cook recipes that have 15 different ingredients, I hate seafood, but I could live with eating meat and veggies and cutting out the junk. It seems like every program I've tried I've just jumped into 100% and always feel faint or sick or headachey to the point that I am miserable. I am a carb addict who constantly feels deprived of carbs because I do watch my intake and I continually pass on things that I'm not truly thrilled about - why waste the calories on something that's only so-so? I am also very concerned about my health since I had the cancer scare (thankfully I didn't need chemo or radiation, just the surgery to remove the thyroid). My blood pressure went thru the roof and my bad cholesterol is up (although the total is around 180). My dr. put me on a statin for the cholesterol and I ache all the time. My left knee has been achey and feeling swollen for a few weeks now, I also had uterine fibroids removed 3 yrs ago and they grew back so I had a hysterectomy a few months ago. I am falling apart and I do want a change!! I'll be 49 in Jan. by the way so I still feel like I can do this on my own. I want to be off all meds (except the thyroid med since that's imperative to take for the REST OF MY LIFE) and just feel good. I feel so self conscious of my fatness. I have a hard time tying my shoes...sigh. I guess I'm sharing so much info because I am really serious about doing something for myself. I will definitely read up on this. My daughter who lives in NC bought my husband a puppy for Christmas and is driving it here in a few weeks. I can see myself doing dog walking duty every day while the kids and hubby are at work so that's something to get me going too. Thanks again!
Did I miss it? You're going to Norway next spring? Exciting!!
Yes, Norway in March, for a week! I am very excited:) Lisa, wow, you have been through so much. Read about the keto diet, and decide if it's for you. I know there have been cases where it has been used to treat cancer, since one theory is that cancer cells thrive on sugar. But read up yourself, it may be just the thing for you. Don't expect your doctor to jump up and down, mine had never heard of it. But my lab numbers were good and my blood pressure was okay. Recovering from a hysterectomy can take some time though, so don't be hard on yourself. I had my gallbladder removed a few years ago, and that's easy surgery in comparison, and I felt like I was hit by a truck...for weeks. A puppy, well, that cures everything! How sweet! It will get you moving, whether you feel like it or not, ha. Messes, walks, oh you have a new exercise plan, good thing they're so cute! :)
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