camille and i take on the day

Today I have a good mindset. A positive outlook. See, yesterday...oh yesterday, can I re-do yesterday? Sonja K. was here, and I had all sorts of hopeful ideas about bonding with her, but the day flew by so fast. Then I got to feeling sorry for myself because of so much work work work all the time, and sort of forgot all the important stuff, temporarily. I was seeing what was before me, giving in to grumbling, NOT counting my blessings. In the late evening, I had to drive to the small city, and took Suzanne with me, which was really really nice. We stopped in Wegman's really fast for an Easter ham, some potatoes, milk, pasta sauce, romaine, eggs, and some Twizzlers for the ride home. Not for ME, for Suzanne and Mali and her friend. Suze chatted the whole way, and I was glad to give her 100% of my attention.

Anyway, by the time I went to bed last night, I was wishing for a do-over of the day. No, I didn't yell at anyone or fly off the handle, or stomp around. But I had a spell of miserable-ness that started with those thoughts of things like, "this is too much."..."I am tired of doing this AGAIN", and so on. I therefore missed out on things I should have been doing, like talking to these guys, ect. blah. But sometimes one has to learn the hard way. It is so easy to sit here and type how the kids are more important than the house...but when things start getting messy, what do I do? I see I need much more longsuffering, much more patience, more kindness.

When they got home from school, I had a pot of coffee on, and some cookies in the oven. We talked a bit, (I stayed away from the cookies until there were two left...then I took one bite of one then threw it to Rosie. Pumpkin with milk chocolate chips, yum. I picked up the last cookie, took not one, but two bites, then threw the rest of it to Rosie. There, all gone!)...so we had a nice afternoon. But then it was time for dinner, and I just felt burned out. Dinner AGAIN? seriously?

When one is not in the situation, it is easy to analyze: Well, we have much to be thankful for, at least there is food to choose from, we have a stove and oven and running water, ect ect. But. When one is in the situation, and one has negative thoughts that are not stopped in their tracks, it is not good.

So today, I shall stop those negative thoughts right in their tracks.

I will not waste any more time feeling sorry for myself, after all, I have been blessed beyond comprehension. If God hated when the Israelites complained in the wilderness, how much does He like it when I do it?

All this being said, I think it is getting high time for Paul and I to get away for a weekend. Not because I am sick of the kids, because I am not. But because we need some time to talk and to connect and to just have fun being a couple, not just Mom and Dad.

I picked out some paint samples the other day in Walmart...oh, the opinions around here!

And, the most exciting thing happened yesterday! A huge surprise! Ashley came over! She drove across the entire country in three days! She came in and Miss Rosie went nuts, peed all over the floor while she wagged her whole body in happiness, she LOVES Ashley! After she calmed down, Ashley went out and got Baxter, her and Benjamin's baby, a Border Collie. Baxter is good and obedient and gentle, and Rosie was as jealous as heck.

Ashley is staying with her dad for now, until she finds an apartment, but we have offered for her to come back here if she wishes. It was so good to see her.

Benjamin has left the relative safety of the base he was at, and is on the move looking for bad guys. He said he probably won't be in touch for a while, but "don't worry.".. ha. Don't worry, we won't worry.

We packed and mailed two boxes for him yesterday. Lots of good stuff like lip balm in the tubes, and sunscreen and Oreos and Bugles and Skittles and Swedish Fish and a Nerf Basketball hoop set, a paperback book from Sam (although I do wonder if, "Blackhawk Down" is a good choice...), lots of Kool-Aid and lemonade packets to put in the waterbottles, wipes, and a few small towels.

I cannot express how much I love my son, how proud I am of him, how I long for this to be over and for him to be home and safe. The only thing I can do is pray, and fill those boxes up with things that tell him how much he is loved. If it is too much stuff, I am certain he can share with all the guys.

Cindy, there is a very good reason why I didn't write precisely how much I lost between Week Two and Week Three: you guessed it, I forgot how much I was at Week Two. oops. I did write it down, but where in the heck is that notebook? How do I survive in this world you wonder? Me too. But this time I wrote it down. It is moving down by small increments, I have lost about 54 all together, so I am only down by like four since last November. Long plateau. But I am feeling good.

Besides those cookie bites, I did well yesterday. I had my whole-grain oats with crunchy peanutbutter for breakfast, a mixture of green beans, diced tomatoes, green peppers, and chicken breast browned in olive oil for lunch, a yogurt with four strawberries and some toasted almonds for snack, meatballs with green beans for dinner, and nothing else. It was on the low side for calories, but today I will add an extra snack of fruit and protein.

I cannot wait to fill the Easter baskets! It is one of the best parts of being a Mommy, getting to do all those fun things. I have some candy melts to make some molded candy, perhaps Camille and I will make some of those today. We are stranded home again because Joe took the Big Van, so yay, we are not going anywhere!