puppy pics and fighting the guilt...

She is just a little thing...the puppy, I mean.

Miss Char loves puppy.

Well...do I feel a teeny tiny bit guilty about enjoying the pup? Uh-huh. I do. I still am reeling from that last van ride with Rosie. I don't want to be overly dramatic, but I feel almost traumatized. I kind of wish I hadn't have been there holding her paw...because now I have this memory of passing that is just unimaginably sad.

And truthfully, I feel like getting a new pup so quickly is heartless.

But it is also fun and comforting and just plain adorable. The little girls are so happy with a pup they can pet and play with. Jonathan has been amazing with her, taking her outside over and over again to go potty. She hasn't peed in here once yet, but she did do a nice little pile of surprise for me when I was in the pool and Jon was puppysitting.

Paul is on vacation so we are going to the beach again tomorrow. Mali is hanging out with friends, so she is going to puppysit.

I heard from Benjamin yesterday. He is such a good guy. He got a medal, an acheivement medal, for his actions, he apparently doesn't complain, and he helped a soldier who was very tired to finish an exhausting and hot patrol by sharing his water and helping him walk. He still has a good attitude.

I am tired, and am heading to bed. Pup is going to sleep in Rosie's cage, with a different rug in it. I hope she doesn't whine or bark during the night...poor girl, first night away from her brother and parents.

puppy love

Jonny is one happy boy!

Sonja is pretty thrilled too...

Yes, it is very soon after Rosie to get a puppy. I didn't want to do this yet...but. But. My mother-in-law offered to buy me a puppy for my birthday...I was thinking about it. Then she called this morning and said she had called about some registered lab puppies for sale,not too far from here, 8 weeks old, ready to go TODAY. Today!!? I told her I would talk to Paul. He said it was fine. I was rather surprised, but I think he is hurting too, and what helps pain go away like a little puppy?

I thought it would be good for the little kids too, to have a dog here they don't have to be afraid of. I realized that for months I had been telling them to stay away from Rosie, because I was afraid she would nip them too hard, and she was growling at them. The thing is, they loved Rosie. They just wanted to pet her and play with her.

So, here I am with a sweet little butterball of a pup, no name yet. This pup will go places with us so she can socialize and meet lots of kids.

Part of me is like, dang, I have to house-train another puppy...but I am happy too. I feel like a total betrayer, but I am happy.

I have not forgotten all about Rosie. I will never forget her. This new pup might help ease the pain, and might bring her own joy to us, but I still feel horrible about Miss Rosie The Bad Dog.

beautiful day, but brokenhearted....

Kathryn Grace took this one with me in it, with eleven of them.

Mirielle, Sonja K., Evelyn, and Kathryn in the front...Charlotte Claire, Camille, Emily, and Jonathan on the table, and Mali, Samuel,Suzanne, and Margaret in the back. (Abigail had to work, Benjamin is obviously at his own beach far far away (and I really missed him yesterday), Joseph stayed home and mowed the lawn and did whatever Joe does, and Aaron was at work.) Whenever I have a group of kids with me, I have to count them and make sure they are all accounted for.

Mali Rose

Emily Anne...

This beach is about an hour and twenty minutes away, but SO worth the drive in the big un-air-conditioned van...look at that sand!!!

Jonathan and the princesses

dang I could have been nicer to anonymous....

Dear Anonymous,

I am sorry I called you out for referring to Rosie as having been "put asleep", as opposed to put "to" sleep. I slapped back. You hit me while I was down, and I hit you back. I am sorry for that. I will not have a blog that is a place for fighting and arguing. It is relatively easy to lash out on the internet. If this had taken place in Real Life, perhaps in Walmart...

Scene: Woman, aka "Anonymous" (I am assuming we are dealing with a "she", since guys aren't so...well, let's just say she is a she.) Anyway, "A" finds out that while I am shopping for a new bike with my son Samuel, who just got hired for his very first job working for the county at the high school this summer, and needs to ride back and forth to work since I am way too lazy to get up at 6:30am to drive him, although I said I would do it gladly if it is raining....so if I had gotten in a conversation with "A", which wouldn't have been surprising, since I was walking around in a daze, sniffing and dripping tears....and IF she had been so bold to tell me in person that it was horrid of us to do that and it was probably because we had so many kids...I probably would've just started sobbing and told her she was right.

The truth is, A, you don't know the whole story. Some people do think animals have more rights than people. And some people ARE really cruel to animals. The thing is, Rosie was the little girl with the little curl right in the middle of her forehead...when she was good she was very very good...

Three years of working with her. She was learning how to catch a frisbee. She was a whiz at playing, "fetch", but she loved when Sam and I chased her around. She would run for a while, then just collapse in a random place and just put her head on her paws, and she was done. She never chased cars while playing with us. Sam and I were consoling each other after she passed yesterday...we determined that we didn't do too shabby a job with Rosie. She didn't jump on people anymore, she totally stayed off the furniture, she didn't take food off the table, which she could reach easily, except for cupcakes. She stole cupcakes a few times, they must have smelled so good to her. She would sit and lie down and shake, and when she felt like it she could come to us when we called her. She was happy. That's the thing. Each and every morning, rain or shine, she was happy. She would be lying there in her cage, and when I came down the hall into the living room, her tail would start thunking and thunking. She was smart too, because she didn't really care much if other were up and and about, she knew that I was the one who would be taking her out for that wonderful amazing walk, the walk that never failed to thrill her. It tired her out too, she would come home and eat and get a huge drink, and flop somewhere for a huge nap.

But it WAS work. I rarely tied her up. I let her run around the yard with one of the boys or me, then kept her in the house or on the deck. But one day a few weeks back it was really hot out, too hot for the deck, and she really wanted to lie down in the shade of the trees. So I tied her up. She didn't mind, she just settled down and watched for Bad Cars. Well, that day we had a New Mailman. Rosie barked and I came down from the deck, where I was talking to Benjamin on the phone, and told Rosie to stop barking. She ignored me while lunging, breaking the chain, and chasing that New Mailman's car. The New Mailman didn't just drive away like the Regular Mailman, no, he just idled while I got Rosie. I was of course in my bathing suit, which I had been swimming in when the call from Ben came, and it wasn't my flattering one, ha. So there I was out in the road trying to get Rosie to come to me, assuring the New Mailman that normally I would hang up the phone, but I was talking to my son in Afghanistan....he just nodded like it was all in a day's work. I caught Miss Rosie, and into the house with her.

She WAS a sheepdog. She liked to herd things, like cars and tractors. We had to be extra careful on Thursdays because she really wanted to protect us from the Man Who Took Our Garbage.....

Yes, she was a challenge. But I would never get rid of a dog who was a challenge. I had to pray for patience more than once. There were countless times I thought I had bitten off more than I could chew with Rosie-The-Bad dog, but she was part of our family, and getting rid of her was not an option. I loved her.

I am tired of all this now. I don't much care whether one person thinks I am evil and selfish and stupid. I have worse things to deal with, like this empty dog cage, and her red rug, and the two extra bags of Purina Dog Chow sitting here. And the hopeless expectation of her running over and putting her head on my lap. Last night I couldn't eat my dinner, and I said to Emily, "If I look at this burger one more time and think, "I'll give that to Rosie", I am going to scream!" When we first got home yesterday, a truck drove by really slowly, and of course I looked for her, thinking I had to grab her before she chased it. Then I remembered. That's what I keep doing. Forgetting, then remembering. Over and over again.

Today, we are going to the beach. Lots and lots of us, I think 13 of the kids. It will help to get out of here. Sam is going up a little later with Emily, so he is going to take the cage down before he leaves, I think.

Anyway, thank you again for all the kind words and encouragement, because I really feel bad, and am sorely tempted to wonder if I did the right thing, even though I thought and thought and prayed about it beforehand....and Anonymous, I am truly sorry for slapping back. But I am not sorry that we have so many beautiful children, and I am not sorry that we got Rosie in the first place. She had a wonderful life here, and truly experienced love.

Miss Anonymous, I didn't take my walk this morning. I just couldn't. I am having a hard time. I thought I would be able to sleep after this whole thing was "resolved", but ha, it has been horrible. I was with her when she died, and it wasn't as smooth as it was when I was with Champ.(Champ was our faithful dog for like 14 years, he was old and tired and going blind....) Rosie was a Bad Dog, she growled at the vet and had to wear a little disposable muzzle. She knocked the I.V. out, and didn't die as planned, the assistant had to run and get more "medicine". It wasn't nice, it wasn't fun, there wasn't anything good about it. I hugged her and told her how sorry I was, but.....sorry, this is really hard. I KNOW I did the right thing, but....?

seasons in the sun

We had joy we had fun, we had seasons in the sun....

chewy shoes were everywhere, think of me and I'll be there...

Goodbye Papa, please pray for me...I was the blacksheep of the family...

you tried to teach me right from wrong...

all this love and me so strong, wonder how I got along...

Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die...when all the bird's are singing in the sky...now that the summer's in the air...

little children everywhere, think of me and I'll be there....




I did not sleep last night. I cannot find a new home for Rosie, no one is willing to take the liability of a biting dog. New York state does not look kindly on owners who have knowledge of their dog's bite history if the dog bites another person. So....at 3:20 today, please be praying for me as I ease Rosie into The Happy Hunting Ground. I will be holding her paw, patting her head, reassuring her that all is okay, while feeling like the biggest betrayer in all this world.

I have to do this. I have to. There is no way under it, no way around it. The kids HAVE to come first, they have to feel comfortable and be safe in their own home. But, and I don't use this term lightly because I don't use it all but, It SUCKS.

weekly weigh-in....

Down a pound and a half from last Tuesday. I figured out that in the last eight weeks I have lost 7.6 pounds. Not as fast as I would like, but it could be worse. ha, it could be raining.

And it has made a difference, I tried on some jeans I had bought a while back that were so tight I had to lie down to zip them, and voila! I zipped them standing them up. I am not brave enough to wear them yet though, too tight. I did buy a new jean skirt yesterday too, my favorite one is getting loose. It hurt to buy a new one, it wasn't even on sale....

This morning Paul called and woke me up at 8:30. He was surprised I was still sleeping. Duh, hon, it's summer! And I did stay up late and watch the new Sherlock Holmes movie with Mirielle and Sam and Margaret and Kathryn and Evelyn and Suzanne. (and I did have popcorn...). Anyway, he called me to say his friend at work said someone called the SPCA wanting a...sheepdog. So, the SPCA is supposed to be calling me. I was going to call the shelter I mentioned yesterday, and now I am waiting again. blah. It isn't that I want to dump my Rosie, not at all, I just want to get this resolved so we can get on with our summer.

In fact, Rosie has been such a good girl. She will still chase a car, of course, given the chance. And she tugs at the leash. And she lies down NEXT to her rug when told to Go Lie Down, instead of ON it, and gives me that look. But other than that, she has been so good. Mary, you suggested putting her out back in her own little place with a fence. Well, Rosie is too much a people person, it would be torture for her. And me. She would stand out there looking at me...she is a house dog.

Anyway, it is nice out right now and I guess I will just chill and wait for my phone call....

monday again???!

Time's fun when you're having flies, as Kermit The Frog says. Rosie is still with us. I have not had any luck with re-homing her, but I have a place I am calling when it opens today which accepts all animals. I want to ask them how likely it is they will place her in a home with her tendencies, versus putting her down, and if they are honest with me and say it ain't gonna happen, I will take her to my vet and have her sent to the Happy Hunting Ground. Because that way at least I will be with her.

It is interesting to go through this. I can't look at her without tearing up and feeling so guilty, even though SHE is the Bad Dog, not me. She has no idea, and she isn't really bad, I know that. I love her fuzzy little birdbrain head, and her big goofy paws. I love how she tilts her head to the side when she doesn't understand the question, and how she sighs her big sigh when she obeys me to Go Lie Down. And the way her big head goes Clunk! on the floor.

But life isn't all sadness, we have had a certain set of twins here quite a bit, bringing us joy!

Sam playing with baby Sebastian, baby Linnea, and Joseph with Swanson Kitty.























princesses

forgot to say thank you...

so, thank you! Your kind comments really warmed my heart. As sad as it is to deal with this Rosie thing, I am comforted to know I am not alone.

rosie update and baby pictures....

Miss Rosie this morning...nice summer haircut, right? Well, the animal shelter was a dead-end. No-Can-Do, we were told. No Biters allowed. But, can we give you some places to contact? So, I contacted both places. One long email - wasted time: Postmaster Undelivered. Second email, I doubt I will have any luck. Right on the website for the Old English Sheepdogs, there is a contract that a donor has to sign saying dog has never bitten. So I tried. I sent a plea, haven't heard back yet. I hesitate to put her on Craigslist because what if some screwball gets her and sells her for big bucks and she bites a kid? why is everything always so difficult?



Sonja K. in her new dress.Charlotte Claire, all tired out from a summer day.


Sebastian and Linnea...they were with us here for most of the day, and what joy! Camille with Linnea, and Charlotte Claire with Sebastian



Suzanne with Sebastian...



Isn't Sebastian cute?

Sonja K. with Linnea...

The babies are total blessings...we had 3 year old William too, the big brother. He is a sweetie also. I enjoyed the three-ring circus that consisted of watching them, plus Char and Camille, with just Suze and Sonja and Jonathan...the other boys were gone to their friends' house, and the girls are on a Youth camp trip. I am tired now....

my heart is heavy....

Rosie, my Bad Dog...is leaving us. She is going to the animal shelter. ouch. She bit Camille last night. She has nipped at the kids before, she bit Jonathan a while back, but he was trying to get her to come and grabbed her collar, so I reasoned that she wouldn't do it again. It was a hard bite, breaking the skin and drawing blood, poor Jon. And she bit Sonja once when Sonja pulled her away from food, and I reasoned that away too. Camille is fine, thankfully, but it scared the living heck out of both of us. I was holding Camille on my lap, called Rosie over and patted her head a few times. Camille reached out to pet her, and SNAP, Rosie bit her wrist. It didn't break the skin, but it did break my heart. Because I knew it was the end of Rosie's sweet stay here in our home.

Rosie has been growling at the kids occasionally, and I watch her so carefully around them. But for a little girl to have a dog in the house that she is afraid of is just not good. And for a mom to be nervous 24/7 is not good either. I want our home to be a good safe warm safe place. So I am devastated. I love Miss Rosie. But as soon as she bit Camille, I realized that this is just not working.

I don't believe in getting a pet and changing one's mind. It is a permanent home. But. The kids come first. And I know this is the right thing to do. So this morning I picked up the phone and called the vet about possibly putting her down. I was given some suggestions about who to call about re-homing her. Call after call didn't pan out, no one wants a "biter". so I called the vet back and reluctantly scheduled her appointment with...never mind, I was going to have her put down. I broke down and totally lost it when I was asked if I wanted to stay with her when she passed, and if I wanted to bring her home for burial. wah. Then Paul came through: a co-worker's wife works with dogs, and is arranging to take Rosie on Saturday for evaluation. If she is found to be non-aggressive around adults, she may be placed in a home with no kids.

So. While I am relieved that she isn't going to die tonight, I am still sad that we have to say goodbye. I am going to be lost and sad and lonely.

can anyone say HOT??!!

94 degrees is hot enough for me. Joseph and Samuel just put in the two window air conditioners, and we hung the sheet in the living room doorway to the hall. We will have it a bit cooler in here in a while. The pool has been refreshing, but...now, don't hate me, but...I am getting a little tired of swimming. Camille is so tired she is blinking and her eyes are taking forever to open back up again with each blink. I actually told her to turn on the television and lie down on the couch, probably the exact opposite of what most parents say to their kids on hot summer days. She is almost sleeping. Evelyn came along, put her hands on her hips, exclaimed how absolutely ridiculous it is to have Wildcrats on on such a nice day....well. She switched it off and said she was watching kids in the pool...I told Camille she could turn it back on...

And while I don't enjoy the heat, I do realize it could be worse. We could live in a city, we could have no pool, or we could be in Afghanistan like Benjamin. He said it was 116 there when I talked to him yesterday.

I do feel rather zapped though. Sort of soggy and wrung-out.

Things are a little better around here today than yesterday. School is OVER!, finally. I set out to pick the three middle school kids up today, they said to get them at twelve, as there was a half-day. Well....I was almost at the school and their bus passed me, I was too late. They got out at 11:30. oops. So I just turned back around and headed home. It took them a whole hour to get home because their bus broke down. We watched the huge tow-truck head down the road, then come back by towing the bus.

I just had the yummiest snack: four frozen strawberries, microwaved a little and cut up, topped with some light vanilla yogurt, sprinkled with coconut, and a small squirt of chocolate syrup.

I need more coffee though. I bought a new Mr. Coffee yesterday, and we are so happy with it. I had some iced coffee in the pool this afternoon...Mali had the little girl she is babysitting for here, a seven year old who has no pool at home. It was quite fun for the little girls because she like playing, "mermaid".

Well, I hate to complain, but it is too hot in here. I think I will go get back in the pool, it is over 90 in this living room. I hope these a.c. units start cooling it down in here soon!

Poor me, right?

sweet summertime....

Sometimes things don't work out the way I expect. Today, for example, I was so excited for the kids to get home from school to celebrate the last full day of school. Summer vacation, yay!!! It was a good day, with Davian here...Emily stopped by and took Sonja and Camille to the big mall in the big city. Joseph, Aaron, and Sam went to an End Of School swim party at one of their friends from church. The pool is getting cleaner and clearer, and nice and warm...then the girls got home from school. Oh my goodness, talk about WOW. One girl telling me something about another, me trying to talk to girl, girl blaming me, soda falling and exploding, different girl mad her new shoes are covered with soda, throws iced tea, stomps off....what the heck? I thought, "Man, it's gonna be a long summer." I tried to talk to a different girl about situation, she asks me why I am talking to her about it, and stomps off. So I swim around in the pool with Char, wondering where I went wrong. Shed some tears. Prayed about taking things right and being patient...then soda-girl yells out the kitchen window, "I love you, Mom!"...and I think, "maybe this summer won't kill me after all...."

rainy morning....

It was pouring out this morning...and with the thunder and lightning, I figured I would just take Rosie to the end of the drive way and let her pee...she can do everything else a little later. Last day of school for the year for Margaret 15, Evelyn 12, Suzanne 11, and Kathryn 14...aren't they lovely Ben?


Kathryn with Davian

look at those cheeks!

with Evelyn


I would name this picture, "Gazing In Wonder"....Davian really likes our baby swing.

sitting with Suzannewith Mirielle

sweet little guy...

Everyone here loves having Davian over. He fills our house with that special joy that only a baby can bring.

So...lots of kids went to school today. Jonathan wanted to go because he still has art projects to bring home, and Charlotte Claire did not want to miss walking to the ice cream place.

I have to pick Margaret up from her exam in an hour, then I told the other kids I would pick them up later...

Paul is stopping here after work to get me so we can go pick up his new truck! Not new, six years old, but low mileage and very reasonably priced, good gas mileage too. A Nissan Frontier. This means he will drive it to work, and I will have the minivan every day! I won't have to drive the 15 passenger van everywhere! Some of the older kids say to get rid of it, they hate it. I am not ready to give it up yet, there are still so many of us for things like trips to the beach...But I have a feeling that minivan will not be used by just me...we have four kids going to nursing college this fall, and I seriously doubt they will have schedules similar enough to always drive one vehicle.

Anyway...just to mention, I did not forget all about Robert's birthday, even though I didn't write about it this year. He was "born" on the 16th of June, 9 years ago. While we were swimming around in the pool the other day, Jonathan said he wished he had a brother near his age. I agreed, said it was sad that Robert died. Jon said, "Well, I was a replacement for him, right?" "No", I said, "you were not a replacement. We still would have had you, just probably a few months later. You were always planned from God. But we were extra super extremely thankful for you after losing Robert. A very welcome baby boy, a blessing." I have not been to Robert's grave in so long because it is not fun, it is too hard.

On a lighter note, our coffee maker died. This is almost a tragedy. We now have to heat water in the kettle, and pour it through the filter a little at a time so it drips into the carafe. It takes too long, and sometimes comes out too weak. We are so spoiled!

Oh, I almost forgot! The Dreaded Weekly Weigh-in Results: Down 1.2 pounds since last Tuesday. Not entirely bad, but I know it could be much much better, darn those chocolate chips! And yes, I do know it is not the fault of the chocolate, or the almonds, or the brownies Suzanne made yesterday. (I didn't really have one, just a few pieces broken off here and there...and pieces add up, unfortunately). It kills me because I eat so well, then have these days where I can't stay out of the chocolate chips...wah. I need more self-discipline! I wish it was sold by the gallon, and I could just drink of it all day long. I think sometimes I just get tired of saying NO to myself, and it is easier to just eat some chocolate. The good thing is that just writing this helps encourage me, I shall be a good girl today. Exercise-wise, I am doing fine. Two walks yesterday, plus a small workout with 30 push-ups, squats, lifting the 10 lb weights. No pool yesterday, but today for sure.

While I was gone yesterday, someone took a load of lights out of the dryer and dumped them in a heap on the couch. I never do that. Simply never. I only dry things partially, then hand them up immediately so they don't wrinkle. Even if it is crazy in here, I try to at least drape the stuff in the laundry room so it isn't a big wrinkled mess. I am not about to iron little girls' tops or Jon's shorts. It makes me want to make rules about using the washer and dryer. But since I hate rules, I will just whine about it instead.

I'm telling you, I COULD be a miserable creature this summer, if I let everything around here get to me. But...I am not going to do that. I know that God sends everything for my very best, and I am working on being thankful instead of complaining. I hate hate hate complaining, and do not want to do it anymore.

Paul mentioned to me the other day that we usually see things in others so clearly because we have the same things in ourselves. Now, Paul is a very impatient driver. He always seems to attract those idiots who pull out in front, then go really slow. It always amuses me, and I tease him about how impatient he is. Well. Yesterday, Mali actually said, "Jeeze Mom!",to me! Because....I was SO rrrr impatient! I was being worse than Paul! Of course I thought I had good reason, I mean, if the light is green, it means GO! ha.

Well, the day goes on, and I have to pick up Margaret soon....

oh dear monday again...

Our family tree, done by my mother-in-law, Eleanor. This picture doesn't do it justice, perhaps I will try to get a better one. Is it hung on the wall yet...? not quite. almost. it's on the list. I really really like it.



Look who I have this morning! Baby Davian! He is such a sweetie!Camille is a little bit jealous, but she does love Davian. I try to get her to "help" as much as I can, it helps ward off the jealousy.

Today is the last day of school for my three youngest kids!!! Not officially, but the weather forecast is for 90 degrees tomorrow, and 95 on Wednesday, which is a half day anyway. So, today they are done, as far as I am concerned. (Sonja and Charlotte Claire have field trips tomorrow...way too hot to walk to the ice cream place for a kindergardener, and way too hot to go off on the bus to the agricultural museum.)

Samuel has to go to an orientation for a county summer job this afternoon. I forgot all about it. dang.

There are seven kids in the living room right now, plus Davian. So much for all the things I had to say, I am so distracted. I started this post bright and early, then Davian got here...but I don't mind.

Mirielle is packing up a box to send to Benjamin, and I have things to do...my niece Carrie was feeling awful yesterday so she is in the hospital with kidney stones, possible meningitis...she is a cancer survivor, she had childhood leukemia, a rare form. Her health hasn't been good for quite a while now, so I hope this hospital stay is short and not too serious. I am possibly going to go get my sister-in-law's two youngest children to stay here for the day....

Our Father's Day was nice, except for all of our kids aged 12 and up were invited to a Graduation party yesterday, wah. I had a steak-on-the-grill meal planned, so I just grilled half of it, along with some veggies. Some mashed potatoes for the little kids, and what a nice dinner.

The older kids came home and we had a nice time sitting out on the deck visiting. Instead of an evening walk, I went for a sunset swim with Suzanne, Sonja, and Jonathan. The water was warmer than the air.

I love summer. I love having the kids here without having to give my excuses to the school nurse. I love having no schedules, and the continuous possibilities for adventures...spur of the moment adventures. I don't love the 24 hour kitchen, but I think it is better than scheduling everything and making the older kids get up early and eat breakfast all together...their breakfast is sometimes later than our lunch.

Davian likes our baby swing...the music is playing, the mobile is going around with the brightly colored fish...he has his pacifier in his mouth and is looking and looking, but his eyelids are closing for longer times, he cannot stay awake much longer. He looks SO cute, we think he could be in a baby swing commercial.

Time to move it...

pictures of a picture perfect day....

Miss Camille with her baby doll...Margaret made these cupcakes for her Princess Party... And a Princess Cake...Princess Camille Camille, cousin Danielle, Margaret..and Charlotte Claire in front.Camille, Charlotte Claire, Danielle







Aaron took this of me today...taking a break after Gramma left...