the fifteenth child...

When Miss Charlotte Claire was born, 12 years ago today, here's what things looked like around here:
Emily 21
Abigail 19
Benjamin 17
Mirielle 16
Joseph 14, almost 15
Aaron 13
Mali 12
Samuel 10
Margaret 9
Kathryn 8
Evelyn 6
Suzanne 5
Sonja K. 4
(baby Robert)
Jonathan 2

I had a few miscarriages before I had Miss Char, so I was very thankful to say hello to her sweet newborn self. After the five-girls-in-a-row, then little Jonathan, I had a baby girl again, daughter #10...

(me, Camille, and Char)

Anyway, today is her birthday! I'm not sure what we'll do during the day, but tonight a few of her friends are coming over, and lots of her older siblings will be here. I'm making pizzas, including at least one keto pizza (crust with almond flour and mozzarella cheese), and Ben is bringing some venison steaks. We're also making peanut butter ice cream pie, and mint chocolate chip ice cream pie. (crumbled Oreos mixed with melted butter crusts, the peanut butter one has the cookies with peanut butter filling...)

And I am going to behave myself. I can't use the old, "It's a party!" excuse, because duh, we always have parties.

I might just eat a spoonful of crunchy peanut butter with a few chocolate chips on it.

This fine morning, I almost talked myself out of the morning walk. Here were some of my excuses: I walked SO much yesterday, almost three miles.
I don't want to tire myself out, today is going to be a busy one.
My knee hurts.
I don't have enough time to get everything done, a walk is a half hour.


But I didn't listen to myself, I just went. Five days in a row. And this is what the kitchen looks like in the morning, I have to ignore it and go out the door, because if I straighten one little thing, I'll get so sidetracked, I won't end up going.

The truth is that even though my knee is wonky, the walks help tremendously. I think they clear my mind almost as much as blogging does. I don't listen to music or podcasts, I just think about things and listen to the geese honk or the squirrels scampering. This morning, I was thinking about how much it bothers me when people think I am better than I really am. I have lots of kids, and a good life, by the grace of God. When I think of how I have been in the past, and how impatient I was with the kids when they were little, and how I felt totally at my wit's end so often, I see that God has just plain been good to me, helped me overcome. The other day while talking about going out and about with lots of small children, someone asked how I kept them with me, kept them in line, and I didn't actually remember. But Mali did, she said I would pinch her arm and tell her to behave. Ouch, that hurts my heart, I don't really remember that, but I am sorry. But the truth is, I am not perfect, but I am a work in progress. God isn't finished with me yet:)

So yesterday afternoon, spur of the moment, Sonja K. and I went on an adventure. We went to the big mall in the city, the Carousel Center, which is now named Destiny. I do not care much for malls, the perfume-y smells, the crowds of people, the pricey stores, although I do like the smells of the popcorn/caramel corn place and of course the cinnamon buns. And this mall has Finger Lakes Roasters, and I'm not getting paid to say yummers to freshly roasted coffee. My only complaint is that they fill those air vacuums with coffee, and it isn't steaming hot and fresh. Anyway. Sonja K. ordered some jeans with a birthday gift card, and just between you and me and the whole rest of the world, I didn't appreciate them. So we decided to go exchange them. Evelyn so sweetly volunteered to look after Anne, and sent us on our merry way. I won't bore you with the deets and tails, but she ended up keeping the jeans. She had no problem with them. Anyway, we also went to T.J.Maxx, where I got a little outfit for baby Grant, Sam and Grace's baby...



This is me eating healthy:), and I did not eat nary a crumb of that cookie in front of me. I did take a few nibbles of the bread, but then wrapped it up and brought it home, along with half this salad, because Evelyn likes yummy things to bring for lunch, and I'm nice, ha.


Now moving to the random section of the blog, here are the two kitties, Kettler and Orange Guy, mother and son, the only kitten we have of her several litters. Both are now "fixed", and they're good friends. She was washing him in this pic.


Kettler likes the new water table. We let her go outside, she doesn't wander far, mostly just the yard and the deck. Orange Guy wants out, but we are trying to keep him in. Don't tell him, but the minute he starts climbing screens, we'll let him out.


Grant, Sam and Grace's baby. Isn't he cute?


Little Wulf...I stole this pic from snapchat, isn't he cute too? I have two grandsons...and three granddaughters, and I love love love them.

Okay, enough sitting here...

i'm dating myself here...

But do you remember Farah Fawcett? I was an impressionable teen when she was at the height of her fame, and that's how I wanted MY hair. She was simply the standard of beauty at that time...way back in the seventies. I remember being in Kmart and seeing a poster of her, and feeling so frumpy. (It is NOT just today's girls with the internet influence, who struggle with insecurity!). Anyway. Fast-forward, and here I am, never did get that hair right, am even frumpier, and she's passed away...and the worst part of it, is that she has a son, 33 now, who is in jail again, he has a drug addiction. He has been in and out for years, was released for a few hours back when she died, for the funeral.

All that glitters is not gold, and I never knew she had a son who struggled like this, and now I feel bad for her, very sorry for her, the very woman I had envied so much when I was 14.

Anyway. Here I am, ready for little Anne to come over.

Yesterday, Mali visited with Lydia, and Mali set up the new water table. Ashley came over with baby Elise and Anya, then when Anne was picked up, her big brother Davian got out of the car and asked if he could stay a while. Having the little kids here makes the house seem extra home-y.

After everyone left, Suzanne and Sonja and I decided to go for ice cream. They had already had some after school, but I have been wanting some, and don't want to just have any old ice cream, I wanted the real stuff. So we went to a local cafe, they get their ice cream from Basset's in Pennsylvania, and no, I am not getting paid to say: delish. I had one scoop of birthday cake bash, and one scoop of Lake Effect, which is vanilla with coconut and almonds, with surprise chunks of chocolate...on a homemade waffle cone. Later when I was expressing my regrets at eating that ice cream cone, Sonja K. said, "Well, you didn't have to have two scoops." ha. Yes, dear, I did. It was soooooo good. From now on, I am not having any dessert or sweet at all unless it's a really really good one. Can I just say how good it was?

We then went to Walmart for bananas and pepperoni and cheese and bagels and cashews and a new pool skimmer, and girl stuff...can I also say without embarrassing any daughters, that it could seriously break the bank, how many monthly supplies we have to buy? Five of them at home getting it, and they of course get on the same schedule, which makes it very interesting around here.

Can I please complain for a minute about my husband working from home? He is on a new schedule, because he is doing a project in Singapore. He works from 2 in the afternoon until ten at night. But, he takes calls in the morning, and is sitting there at the counter in the kitchen talking and straightening things out, whatever it is he does for work, ha. And we sort of have to be quiet, and I feel like I have to keep busier, because shh, I sit around too much.

Then he's gone for dinner, and comes back home in time to go to bed. I don't love it. But I am thankful he has a job, and a good job, and that I don't have to work. I am really really thankful for that.

Although I wish I was paid for writing this blog. That would suit me just fine.

Tomorrow is Charlotte Claire's birthday. She is turning 12 years old. We should probably plan a birthday bash, eh? We are already thinking of going to the pool. This is a soccer tournament weekend for the kids 15 and younger, so our weekend is full. Then on Sunday, some of us are driving up to Ottowa, Canada, for a wedding...my sister's youngest daughter of the seven, is getting married...last one, seven girls will all be married.

It's rainy here today...I did fit my walk in before it started, four days in a row!

sweet sweet spring...

Okay, we all know what spring is, but have you LISTENED to it? The birds, even the down the road neighbor's lawn mower humming...the tractors going up and down the road...
And the smells! That sweet aroma of fresh grass.
And those little newborn baby leaves on the trees, in the distinctive just-bloomed green.
The pear tree decked out in blossoms.
And the warmth, oh how nice to mill around in bare feet.

I walked this morning, two days in a row now. Why, you might ask, don't I just do it every day? Well, see, my knee was really acting up, so I rested it, then I had to psyche myself out all over again to get started back in on it. My knees are just not so good, lots of arthritis, and the doc said many years ago he would like to see me "get ten more years out of them before replacing them".

And I don't want to do that.

But it's scary, the prospect of not being able to walk. Sometimes getting out of the car, or up from a chair, the one knee doesn't want to support me. That's why it's vital to get some of this weight off, too.

Anyway, today I walked.

We have the "new" pool pump which I bought second-hand, so hopefully our pool will be opened up soon. We spend lots of time outside yesterday, even took a dip in the hot tub, without cranking up the temperature (80 degrees).

Anne is here now, and we spent a bit of time outside. She likes to wander around, go down the slide, and today she tried out the glider on the swingset. She visited the three girls in the tent, Charlotte Claire, Camille, and cousin Danielle. They have been bugging and bothering to sleep out, and last night they had carefully checked the weather forecast, and told me that before they even asked, so I knew what they were angling for...and I surprised them and said yes.

Today, Kathryn is taking them on an adventure, water-falling. I am going on my own adventure with Anne and Jonathan, to pick up the Orange Guy from the vet, where he was neutered. what fun, eh?

Anyway, we didn't spend too much time outside because little miss doesn't want to hold my hand, and I was trying to veer her away from walking where there were lots of broken sticks. She had removed her shoes on the slide, and was barefooting it. I didn't want to fight her, just protect her wee little feet, but she was having none of it, so I scooped her up and here we are in the house again.

She has had a diaper change, and half a banana, and is playing with the dollhouse toys. She is standing in the dollhouse pool right now, ha. She has a super long attention span with toys, actually. She's having the grandma doll jump on the bed.

Last evening, I went on a small outing with just Evelyn and Camille. I had the sense that Ev needed to spend some time with me, it's been a while, so off we went. We got a housewarming gift for Benjamin and Ashley, as they are closing on their house next month. We got birthday presents for Miss Char, who is turning 12 on Friday. And, we got 9 potted flowers from the dollar store, along with some nice flower pots and wildflower seeds.

Now, Wendy's is not paying me to say this, although they really should, but they have yummy salads. I ordered the apple/pecan salad with grilled chicken, hold the crumbled blue cheese, and extra pecans, please. It comes with a raspberry vinagrette, which I skipped. It has craisins in it too, so yum. The pecans have this coating on them that's spicy, so it's a good taste, and I really really enjoyed it. The girls wanted just a Frosty, and yay us, a special on them, 50 cents! So we ordered eight, of course, so the other kids at home could have one.

And I didn't have one. Nary a taste.

Oh great, Cam just knocked down a glass jar in her room as she was bringing her bedding back in from the tent. A glass jar filled with sand and shells. It did break.

They are at least taking care of the tent, without being told:)

I tell ya, after losing a day a few weeks ago, I am trying to remind myself what day it is every morning so it doesn't happen again. I felt so OLD. I saw my kids looking at each other, the raised brow thing, yeah, mom's getting senile. I am NOT. But it felt so strange, because it wasn't just a few hours or a few minutes of having that extra day in there, it was several days. I think I just thought it was Wednesday twice, then when it was actually Friday, I totally thought it was Thursday. It was so discombobulating.

They are cleaning up the broken glass, vacuuming now. How did they get so responsible?

We have some school to do before they go adventuring, so bye for now...

ahhh, what a weekend!!!

Congratulations to Emily Anne! She did it! She has her Master's degree in Health Science, and is now a Nurse Practitioner! Her graduation ceremony was very boring, but these two little girls, her littlest sisters and biggest fans, didn't complain too much.


After the graduation, we skipped the after-reception, and headed toward home in the pouring rain and wind. We stopped for gas and hot coffees for Em, Paul, and I, and some iced teas for the little girls. They were as happy as can be. Sometimes it doesn't take much.

See, we had somewhere we wanted to be...the sisters' conference at our home church in Victory, NY! It was a Northeastern conference, so we got to meet friends from the West coast too. The weather cleared up and Saturday was a flawless day, warm and pleasant. As per usual, there wasn't enough time to talk to everyone, and it went by way too quickly. But I came home encouraged and happy, ready to face life's challenges with a new purpose. God is good, and no matter what comes along, He WILL give me victory.

Yesterday afternoon I went to a wedding shower for my sister's youngest daughter, Audrey. She is my sister's last and final daughter to get married. The wedding is next week in Canada, and yes, I am going!

This fine morning, I am heading over to a friend's house for brunch with some of our friends from Oregon who are flying out this afternoon. Then I have to go pick up a pool pump I am buying from Marketplace, (like craigslist). Then, I have to drive up north to drop Orange Guy off at the vet to be neutered.

Paul is on a really strange work schedule, as he is doing a project in Singapore. He has to work in the evenings, so he was here this morning, and it's weird to have him sitting at the counter on his computer while I putter around cleaning up.

Anyway, I had a good weekend. I stayed in the camper with lots of my daughters. Then last evening, Benjamin arranged to have everyone come here for a cook out. He brought the burgers and hot dogs, and Evelyn made a pasta salad. Jon had some friends here, and all of my older kids were here, except of course for the few who don't live in the area. A few friends were supposed to come over too, so Paul cleaned up the house while I was at the wedding shower..then it didn't work for them to come. I was disappointed, but partly relieved, but only relieved because I have a big hang-up about the house...I can't explain it, but I feel like even if it's clean to us, it's not up to par, and I hate that feeling. So I therefore don't want to let it hold me back from having friends over.

I also have a huge hatred of meeting new people...it's more like fear, and anxiety, and I stumble over words and forget names and feel awkward, and want to go sit in the corner. But in my heart, I want to meet people, and get to know them, so the only way to get free from those bonds of fear is to take up a battle, and call it what it is: sin. Fear of man. Caring what people think of me. Whatever name it goes by, it can't rule me. I'm tired of feeling so self-conscious, so I have been learning to say a good loud NO to it inside. Then after I talk to people, I think of things I said, and feel like a jerk, ha. I should have stayed in the corner, I think. But that's just because it's still so in me to care what people think, and I don't want to be bound by that!

It's funny, spring is here, and I have all these plans for making things nice, fixing things up. Paul worked on the lawn mowers yesterday, and he wants to start the garden soon. I want to get the pool opened, hopefully the "new" pump will work. The deck needs staining/finishing, and we need new screen doors. Our new front porch is half done, Adrian is out in Oregon with Margaret and baby Wulf, visiting Aaron and Riley. :) I know he'll finish it. He's such a good carpenter, he makes it look effortless, and he is so calm, just talking along, and measuring and cutting, and it comes to together like magic.

He's going to make Evelyn a raised garden box for the yard, because last year lots of dogs, who shall remain un-named, ran through our little garden and destroyed all the flowers. They rolled in it, and dug in it, and dang them, wrecked it.

So it's nice to make the house home-y, but also to remember that this earth is such a temporary dwelling. I have this one window in the kitchen, the one Paul put in years ago...he used a new building window instead of a replacement window, so it didn't fit right. He never finished the edges, and the sheetrock along the bottom is ragged, so I have a table in front of it that hides the bottom, but the sides are visible. Every once in a while, I look at that and it starts to bother me, but then I remember this: it hasn't killed me yet, so it probably won't kill me now. Other things just keep being priority, like last week when a bold rusted through the toilet in my bathroom and water flooded the floor. He fixed that up, likety-split, when he got back from India. I put a bucket under it and shut off the toilet, in the mean time.

He is super busy with his job. I appreciate that he has a good job, and it's nice that he also likes it. And I am super thankful that I don't work. I have enough time to do things around here, and spend lots of time with the kids, older and younger. I am extremely thankful for that. So it seems petty to complain about him being so busy. At least I can take up the slack. This coming weekend is a soccer weekend for lots of my kids, and Paul is looking at lots of work...he will be there part of the time, but...

Then in a few weeks, he'll go to Singapore for two weeks. Then the next month, again. blah.

But today is all we have, any of us. And today, I will listen to what God has to say to me, and I'll be faithful to that.

feeling fat...

My dear daughter Kathryn and I at the park the other day...


And this is before cropping...cropping a pic sure cuts off the fattier parts, eh? Ah well, a work in progress, that's me. I hate to go on and on about it, and around here I try to keep my battles to myself, as I don't want to damage my kids, especially my girls, by obsessing about weight. But the honest truth for me is that I have to be strict with myself, because when I don't consume sugar, I am nicer and calmer and make better choices. When I cut back on carbs and eat mostly fats and proteins, I lose the puffiness and feel so good.

And here's the truth of the matter:
Several years ago, I lost 70 pounds. I had to. I was so sick and tired of it, and then my blood pressure started to climb. I didn't stay at that weight, a few pounds found me again, and I maintained there for a few years. This last winter, a few more came trickling back on, and now I am at exactly 50 pounds less than my BEFORE weight. That's not terrible, but oh no, I am NOT going back to the huffing and puffing weight. BRAKES are ON. I am serious again. No spoonfuls of cookie dough for me.

The problem here is that it's ice cream season. I heart ice cream. It calls my name. There's a local place that sells this homemade stuff, and it's almost to die for. Then another place that makes it's own, The Cayuga Creamery. Just the name makes me drool.

Emily is finished with school, and although that's a huge topic, I am only mentioning it because she suggested a hike today with the little girls, and I can go with Anne too if I want. First thought I had: it's near the creamery. If I hike, I can have ice cream. First thought. And second thought, and third...

Anyway. My battles don't go away just because I have good resolutions.

Yesterday afternoon we gave away the last kitten. The very very last kitten. Mama kitty is spayed, and our Orange Guy is getting neutered next week. Finally, right? The guy we gave the kitty to seems like a great guy. I got numerous responses from the ad on Craigslist, including some scathing ones, and yeah, I did reply to one. I can't help it. I simply said, "You're right! I lied about the mama cat being spayed! I am really stupid, and am going to give the kitten to someone who will feed it to their snake! I am irresponsible! How on earth do you know me so well?!"

The guy I chose: middle aged guy, a little plump, married, deferred to his wife before committing, showed up on time, had a kitty cage to bring kitty home in, and explained to kitty that this was to keep her safe. He had a cat for 14 years and said it was a long time before he and his wife could even think about getting another, they were so crushed with the loss. He also has a ten year old, gentle dog at home who is lonely, and used to sleep with the cat. So I feel 100% certain that he is either a good liar and missed his calling in Hollywood, or that I found an excellent home for the kitty, despite being stupid and irresponsible, ha.

So tomorrow, Paul and I are going to Emily's graduation ceremony. I am so proud of her, I could cry. She is a smart girl. She graduated third in her class in high school, took a year to travel and visit friends, then went to nursing school. She then worked for a while at a hospital in the city, then spent a year in Norway. She came home, back to work, and school...classes and classes, four year degree, then on and on, until now...she is finished. She already has a job at an office north of here, in the city where Margaret and Adrian live. She will be doing primary care. She will be working M-F, no weekends, and ahh, it'll be so nice for her.

My weekend plans are totally exciting, a sisters' conference at church! It's a North American conference, so I get to see friends from far and near. My friend Tereza, I haven't met in person yet, will be there! Emily, Abigail, Mirielle, Evelyn, Suzanne, Sonja, and Charlotte Claire, and Ashley, will be there. (Kathryn is staying here with Camille, we thought Paul would be in India again, but he won't be.)

Anyway. Some of us are staying in the camper, and I have yet to go vacuum it and clean it, but why do today what you can postpone until tomorrow?

And....today is Sonja's birthday! She is sweet sixteen! I might surprise her and take her to get her driving permit...:) Sonja's birth was special, and I'm sure any 16 year old would be glad that her mother is writing about her birth on the blog. My sister came to visit me when I was in labor for Sonja, and back then, not many people had other people at their births, as is more the trend now. But anyway, my sister had six girls with her, a few of hers, a few of my older ones, and one of our brother's girls. I was in a huge birthing room, and happened to be only like an hour away from the big event, and I was so glad to see them all, I said they should please just stay. So they did! They were all lined up on the side, so they didn't see everything, but oh dear, it was one of those dream births...I knew baby was coming, and with every contraction, she was moving down, but I didn't say anything, until bam, it was time to push, and she was born with very minimal effort. I wouldn't say it was an actual piece of cake, but it was a really good birth.

Sonja K. is one of my favorite kids. She has a sunny outlook, and keeps us laughing.


And I'll leave you with a good pic...Samuel and his little guy, Grant...my sweet grandson Grant...

finally, nice weather!!! a matter of perspective...

I started this post this morning, then Anne arrived...so here I am 12 hours later.

Vacuuming and mopping and wiping down counters, then sitting in my chair for a breather...then Miss Anne arrived. Miss Camille needed a trip to the library, and yes, I mean NEEDed. She cannot sleep at night without a book, even if she goes to bed really late. I know this because I slept with her when we were in Florida, and even after a long day at the Magic Kingdom, she had to read before going to sleep.

Anyway, Cam, Anne, and I went to the library. Then "real quick" into the grocery store, I wanted some chicken to put on the grill...the warm weather arriving made me think of barbecued chicken.

Then to the pharmacy, the Walgreens, to get some gauze bandages for Jonathan because he has a bad rash/reaction to poison ivy, and Emily says he needs to have it covered up. Emily knows what she's talking about, she graduates on Friday, and is a Nurse Practitioner...she still needs to take her boards, but she is DONE with school!

Home...ah, home. Anne took a nap, I mopped the floors again because we had a few extra doggies visiting, Margaret and Adrian's. Then we spent some time outside. Ashley came over with baby Elise and little Anya. We enjoyed the sunshine, and when Anne woke up, she came out to play too.

The chicken was par-boiled, then I grilled it before heading to the Walmart to meet the guy from craigslist who was taking the last kitten. Don't worry, I screened the ad responders well, and this guy was really nice. He and his wife had a cat for 14 years, and after it died, they couldn't bring themselves to get another, they loved their cat so much...then they saw the pic of our kitten, and because she was raised with the Labradors, they decided it was the kitten for them...they have a 10 year old dog, all gentle and kind, who used to snuggle with their old cat...I think I found a good home for kitty.

So 24 pieces of chicken doesn't go too far around here, but I set a piece aside before I left. Suzanne drove to Walmart, she needs to take her driving test soon.

There are kids here wanting to talk to me, and it's too distracting to write anything profound...so goodnight, and maybe tomorrow I'll get something worthwhile written...

the fourteenth child....

Jonathan Robert turned fourteen yesterday. I was going to write that my 14th child turned 14, but in reality, Jon is #15, because little tiny baby Robert was #14.
Anyway, Jonathan and I found ourselves quite alone yesterday, as the little girls were with Kathryn. So we went out and about on his birthday, first to the diner. I started with a cup of coffee, and Jon said to the waitress, very grown-up-like, "I'll have the same." I smiled very big-ly, because it was so cute. He drinks his coffee black. He is taller than me, calmer than me, the very voice of reason. He is smart and snarky, but has been working hard on not contradicting or talking back, so spending time with him is very pleasant.

I had written a meal plan for the week, a grocery list, and had cut some coupons. First we went to Target, and guess what? Jon doesn't really like Target...so we did the extremely quick route, deviating from my normal pattern, which admittedly was hard. But I did want to pick something out for Sonja K., she's turning 16 on Thursday. (Can you BELIEVE IT? My five-little-girls-in-a-row in five years will be 21, 20, 18, 17, and 16!)

We ended up getting a patio umbrella for the table on the deck, we get shade there in the afternoon but not at lunchtime...it's something we could live without, but...:) I also got a little something for Miss Charlotte Claire, she turns 12 on the 11th of May...can you believe it's May?

Anyway...Jon had such a good attitude in Price Chopper. He helped, and had his head in the game, as I call it, when a kid actually suggests things we might need with certain meals, and helps put things in the cart, without having to be told to put the iPod or phone away, ha.

We got home, and I put the pork chops in to marinate...lemon juice and olive oil, with lots of Jamaican jerk seasoning and pepper. I also marinated some London broil, it was $1.99 a pound! Tonight's dinner:) Anyway, I grilled the chops and oh my goodness, yummers. The lemon juice is a good tenderizer, and it tastes so tangy and good. I made rice and fresh steamed broccoli, too. The girls were all going to a soccer kickoff, so they were eating dinner there, and Kathryn and the little girls aren't here...Jon ate a plate of food before going out the door to his friends' house, so Paul and I sat there and ate dinner...just us and the dogs. Joseph was going out the door to be with his fiance...life is changing, that's for sure. Sometimes the house is overflowing with people and kids and noise, and sometimes we find ourselves actually able to carry on a conversation without interruptions.

Anyhow, I felt kind of bad, taking Jon grocery shopping on his birthday. But we needed stuff. And today, we are going on a picnic! He got a long board for his birthday, and a helmet. A long board, for those of you with no teenagers, is a skateboard. So we are going to the park today so he can ride it. Kathryn and I and Jon, and Char and Cam, and little Anne, and we're meeting Abigail there for lunch. Ab is my second oldest, and works close to a nice park/playground.

So we are packing our lunches, and going out into the sunshine today. 75 degrees and partly sunny. I can deal with that.

Anne is arriving soon, so I sign off now...maybe I'll take some pics today...