a quiet day at home....

Yesterday was a good day. I was sore after working at the concert, so I didn't go on my walk. I tried to sleep in, because we had gotten home at 12:30, then I needed a shower, so it was almost 1:30 when I settled into bed. Evelyn had to go to school yesterday after being up so late, so she slept in a bit and I drove her. First I dropped off the blue minivan for inspection.

Home...ah, home. I like days at home. I puttered around, took care of the pool, swept the cottonwood fuzzies up from the deck. The cottonwoods are crazy this year, they are the trial of the moment, concerning the pool. The filter basket gets filled up at least every hour with that cotton. The pool itself is nice and clear, I can't wait for warmer days.

The kids did some school work, then Margaret and baby Wulf came for a visit. Little Wulf is smiling a lot these days, and he lights up our lives. Ashley came over with Elise and Anya later, I built a house with Anya with Duplo blocks.

There were some nice London broil for dinner, I was going to put them in the crock-pot, but Jonathan insisted the grill is better, so I put that meat in some lemon juice/rosemary/salt and pepper to marinate, and Jon grilled it. I also made salt potatoes (tiny potatoes boiled in salt water, a Syracuse area favorite), fresh asparagus, and I sliced up a cantaloupe.

When the deck was stained, I had to take down the strings of solar fairy lights, tangles of them. Yesterday Jonathan got out the drill and put up little screws so I could hang those lights easier. Some of them turned on and twinkled last night, some didn't, I am hoping that it's because I put them up late in the day and they didn't charge up enough, and not that they got broken.

After dinner, Suzanne decided to make chocolate chip cookies for her art class. We didn't have much butter, so we made the original recipe instead of tripling it. I managed to not have a single taste of cookie dough, or a cookie.

I did eat most of a container of Halo ice cream later though, Ben had tried it, but there was a good bit left. It's the low cal stuff, so the whole thing is 320 calories....mint chocolate chip. I didn't mean to eat it all. :)

Anyway. The concert was rough-ish. It's a lot of walking, then a lot of standing/walking, then more walking to get back to the car. The customers were mostly nice, some a bit drunk, some complain-y about the high prices. I don't like our prices either, but it's totally not my decision to charge six bucks for a hot dog and ten for a cheeseburger. A bag of popcorn is six, and a bottle of Pepsi is $5.50, water is five. It's not fun seeing people's expressions as they hear their totals, but what can I do? I just work there. I did get eleven dollars in tips, Benjamin got $26! He is more charming than I am.

So I was sore, and achy, but not unbearably so, which meant I signed up to work again today, at the Kenny Chesney concert. :)

But first this fine morning, I am heading really quickly to get some butter and some milk and bananas and yogurt...

And. I talked to Paul yesterday on the phone, from Singapore. He's working hard, doing all right. I'm super thankful that I miss him, that's a good thing.

Kathryn has wisdom tooth problems, I have to call the dental surgeon to see if they can get her in. I made eye dr. appointments for Jonathan and I, some of the other kids need to get in too. Our truck is still in the shop, there is a leak somewhere, I know so much about cars ha. Never a dull moment, but when there is, oh I am all over that, enjoying the heck out of it.

it must be yell at your kids day...

Harrumph. The poor kids.

I haven't been the perfect parent. Patience is only attained through suffering, and there were plenty of times that I wasn't awake to my own irritation. I know this. So I therefore don't mean to be all judge-y wudgey. But. Is this something that's just acceptable, and okay? To yell at kids and berate them in the grocery store?

Knock it off or I'm gonna take your birthday money.

Just shut up.

Sit down in that cart! (SMACK!)

Put that back, I said NO!

That lady's gonna run you over if you don't get out of her way. (referring to me, and I assured the young child that I would never do that, much to her mad mama's chagrin)

And the classic:

I ain't playin' soccer with you kids no more!

Just for the record, I don't fancy myself as the store police, but some days it is just appalling how these parents talk to their kids. The mom in the store last evening wasn't just getting in the kid's face and yelling at him, she was bullying him. Baiting him and arguing and using the I'm The Mom So I Win card. Humiliating him in the cash register line.

I especially hate when the kids is like a twelve or thirteen year old boy, and gets so embarrassed. It hurts my heart.

I just want to start a campaign, "Be Nice To Your Kids!". It could be on billboards. The small print, "Chill Before You Yell! A Little Bit Of Kindness Goes A Long Way!"

I know about being frazzled, and about a kid being on "your last nerve". I do. But this seems to be the standard operating mode for some parents, to just treat the kids like burdens.

And not all parents. Have you ever seen a mom or dad or big sibling in the store, being kind and gentle or giving a kid a hug, and it warmed your heart?

Anyway. Evelyn and I did some grocery shopping last evening. Since she was so helpful, and such good company, we stopped and got Chipotle for dinner. I am not getting a nickel to say that I love their food. It seems healthy-ish, and is super yummers. I only eat half of mine, and bring the rest home to Sonja. :)

We also went to Target, where I got a few things for grandkids. I love being able to look at the clothes for small children again, ha.

Benjamin came over yesterday and fixed and installed a switch on our pool pump. (Thank you SO MUCH Ben!!!)

The pool is looking so nice, but the weather is chilly. I want those hot days back!

This afternoon, some of us are working the Dave Matthews concert. I am just hoping my knee co-operates. It's a lot of walking and standing and no place to sit for your break. If you sneak away for a bathroom break, you'll end up standing in a long line. It's not for the faint-hearted, ha.

If I do okay, I'll work the Kenny Chesney concert on Thursday, too.

Paul called me from Singapore yesterday. He went to the park that President Trump will be visiting when he goes there next week. I think it's really random that Paul is going to be there when Trump goes there. Paul said it's nice and warm, but he's really busy.

And he misses me. He forgot to say that, but I could tell, ha.

Okay, here's the real truth this fine morning, I skipped my walk. I am working at the amphitheater today, and my poor knee, I cannot overwork it. This makes me sad at how happy it makes me to just snuggle up with the coffee and enjoy the quiet. I love the walk, but hate going out the door, so today I am enjoying myself.

Ah well. I think I have just about covered everything....

summer, please come back!

We had a few days of almost ninety degrees (32.2c), and the pool was almost clear...and it was warm. Now, it's spring again. And after the long long winter, I can hardly complain, but this next week with cool nights and highs in the fifties and sixties, there won't be swimming. A backyard pool in central New York state = a lot of work for not enough use.

But when it's hot out and that pool is clear and working, oh my.

The hot tub...oh let's not go there. In this cool weather it would be golden to use it, but it won't even turn on. hmmm.

Anyway. Yesterday I had to take Suzanne to her SAT's, in the small city at the huge high school. I dropped her off at 7:30 in the morning, then thought she would be finished around eleven, so I told kids at home I wouldn't be driving back home then back to get her. Bases were covered, Joseph was going to the dump, girls would be there for the younger kids, ect. Then Suze said she wouldn't be done until noon. Hmm, what on earth would I do all by myself in the city for four+ hours?

ha. First I drove over to the cemetery and visited baby Robert's grave. I was all by myself, no one else was even in the entire cemetery, except those who were laid to rest. So I let the tears come, and I let myself wish I could change the past. I apologized to baby Robert for not spending more time with him before I let him go. When he was "born", I was still in denial, and when he was all floppy and so small, I just couldn't process it. The nurse, bless her heart, swaddled him so lovingly, she was crying too, and handed him to me...I never even took a picture of him, and when they took him back to be weighed and measured, which made no sense to me, I didn't see him again. They kept offering that I could spend more time with him, but I didn't want to. I wanted to remember him how I thought he should look, how he would have looked with rosy cheeks...alive. I'm sorry. It's still extremely hard. But standing there on his little grave, I just felt like I could have loved him more. And I realized that the passing of years means nothing, I still feel hollowed out in one area of my heart for that little baby boy.

Crying and sobbing all by yourself is a good way to start the day, I guess.

I'm sure I looked lovely in Walmart. I browsed around there like I had all the time in the world, and chose some plants for Evelyn, and another bag of potting soil. I picked out a cheap watch, because without my phone, I don't even know what time it is. I bought a $4 shirt for myself, and a new nightgown, and a plug-in wax warmer, which is not a NEED, but my old one from the thrift store broke, so...

Anyway, I puttered around, then went to the thrift store. I got a really nice NorthFace jacket for one of the girls, and a few other things, but there was a lonely lady in there following me around. She would not stop talking to me, and she used the word, "psychopath" at least three times. She told me she cries when squirrels get run over, and that her daddy was the police chief. I was polite, but maybe too polite. She thought I was her new bestie...I had to get out of there, and I wasn't even finished browsing.

I took a quick trip to McDonalds for a one dollar coffee and a breakfast biscuit, which I ate the egg and bacon out of, then the bottom biscuit...and I read a book for a while in the van.

Then a quick trip to the grocery store for some lemon seltzer water and a package of burger.

It was one o'clock by the time we got home...

But I had a nice day.

We grilled burgers, and had a nice visit with Margaret and baby Wulf.

Then I ordered some chicken wings in the evening...Emily and Mirielle were visiting.

Anyway...life is busy. Add in washing dishes and sweeping floors and figuring out what's wrong with the truck...it was in the shop all week, and the check engine light is back on, so back to the drawing board...it won't pass inspection in NY state with that on.

I am sitting in my room, in the quiet, with the fan blowing on me, in my comfy bed, which I have hogged all to myself for the last few days, as Paul is in Singapore. I need to move it and get going, there is church this morning...

mom!!!! answer your phone!!!!

Okay, so I don't have little ones anymore, life should be smoooooth sailing. And cell phones make life easier, right? Well, try this: not having one.

My phone is broken. It will not turn on, no way, no how. It's been glitching terribly for a while now, has minimum storage space, and my teenagers have been on my case to replace it. But now it's dead.

Sam didn't know my phone had died. He called the home phone, and was a bit exasperated at me, asked why I didn't answer any texts. Mali tried to get a hold of me too. Home phone, I said. For now.

Being temporarily phone free is hard. I can't use my Dunkin ap, and I'll be darned if I'm going to get a coffee without getting points for it. I have other coupons on it, and then there is the Target ap...and when I'm driving by myself, I wonder how I lived the first forty+ years of my life without a cell phone.

But I'll be truthful. It's also rather carefree. I can't get texts asking for me to get lemon juice or cream cheese when I have just gone through the register, or those little messages from a few certain school girls, asking to be picked up early. I don't have to keep track of a phone, don't have to remember to bring it with me everywhere.

I try to distance myself from my phone during regular daily life to an extent, anyway, and live in the moments. But now, I'm really distant.

The good news is that Aaron and Riley are giving me a phone when I go visit them. Yes, I am going on another trip! Next week, Oregon, here I come!

Until then, leave me alone, or call the home phone, ha.

So what has been happening in life? Well, yesterday I went to the dentist for my 6 month cleaning, and my blood pressure was 110/72, which made me happy. I've been doing that morning walk for a month now, and being good about cutting the carbs and sugar, for the most part. A little bit of chocolate here and there, but mostly good.

Our pool is getting cleaner by the day. It's wonderful and refreshing.

The kids are almost done with school for the year. The younger kids are taking their end-of-the-year pre-tests to see if they are all set for the real tests. Today, however, they are on a huge trip with big sister Emily: she took them to Niagara Falls! Jonathan, Char, and Cam. I really wanted to go too, but today I am bringing Paul to the airport. He is going to Singapore for 16 days. I will still be in Oregon when he gets back, so I won't be seeing him for a while:(

It's happened so many times that he and I are traveling at the same time to different places.

Anyway. Life is busy. Lydia was here for a bit, we watch her a few days a week. Ashley comes over a few times a week with Anya and Elise. Margaret came over with baby Wulf yesterday. There are duplos and dollhouses all over my living room, ha.

It's been so nice out, ain't nobody got time to clean the house.

Tomorrow morning I have to take Suzanne to her S.A.T. test.

Some of the kids will be working the first concert of the year at the amphitheater.

Grandma is back from Florida, she came to visit the other night. She is almost 89, and I want to be like her when I grow up. She still has her wits about her, and she can get out of a chair better than I can.

Life isn't boring, that's for sure.

to be used for good things...

A long time ago, I lived in a mobile home. It was really nice because we bought it brand new, it was a step up from the first one we lived in. It was bigger and, well...it was new and shiny! The cupboards were made of plywood, and the sinks were plastic, but it fit our needs, and we were totally blessed to get an opening in a really nice small park in Paul's hometown. It was a spacious yard with plenty of trees, and we really liked the place. We had five kids in that trailer. When Paul changed jobs, we started thinking about buying a house.

The houses in our price range were rampant fixer-uppers, and with five small children and not a big budget, we were hesitant. I had a feeling we would buy a dump and it would stay a dump, ha. So my brother offered to build us a house. He had built two, and and was not a builder by trade, but an electrician. But we decided to go for it.

We bought our land, which was a corn field.

We had the foundation built, the basement bricked, the septic system installed.

Then the house was framed, when baby#5, Joseph, was just a month old.

We moved in when Joseph was 11 months old, and by then we were expecting #6, Aaron.

I remember when we first moved in, the thankfulness that filled me because we lived in a huge new house. It's a simple house, built with the cheaper options on doors and fixtures, but it is well built and sturdy, functional and spacious. It's really a big rectangle, and the kids on the bus used to say it was a hotel. We never got around to putting shutters on the windows, which is okay now, because I don't like them anymore ha. But anyway, I remember sweeping the floor one day after we first moved in, and telling God, "Thank you SO much for blessing us with this house. I promise to use it in a good way. For goodness and fellowship."

I felt like we were so blessed to have this place, that it was only logical to pass the blessings on. So, through the years we have had an open home, as far as we've been able. If someone wants to come over, if Jon wants friends here, if the girls want a gathering, if Paul wants company, I try to just say YES. It honestly isn't always easy. Things are always crystal clear in theory, but when it's time to have company, and the house is a mess, dang, I don't feel like it. Then there's the I Just Want To Hibernate thing, my longing for just peace and quiet and some ME time. Everyone has to find their own way through that particular thing, but for me, seeking that doesn't bring peace, but sometimes when I land in it, I enjoy it immensely.

I have to die a million deaths when the door is simply open for company. Because things around here never seem to be as neat, as clean, as organized as I would like. But it hasn't killed me, and people seem to still like to come over.

One time we had a young man over for dinner, and he held up his fork and said, "I get the bent fork!" I was a little embarrassed, the tines on that fork looked like someone had used it to pry something out of something, going every which way. But that young man married my niece, and I now babysit for his little Anne, and his little Davian came over yesterday for a fun-filled visit.

(Suzanne, our 17 year old, is EXCELLENT with little kids. She traced Anya and Davian in the driveway so they could color themselves...)


This is my daughter Margaret. She is holding Ben and Ashley's little Elise, and her own baby Wulf is sleeping in the little seat.

Our pool isn't perfectly clean yet, but it is refreshing, and a work in progress, like me.

My phone is broken. It has been acting up for some time now, but now it won't turn on at all. I had to borrow Jon's watch last night so I could take it in my room so I could check the time in the morning, to make sure I got up with the school girls. I feel rather lost without the phone, they become so vital. Emily is going to Verizon today to check on our plan and see if we can disolve it, because of a million reasons, so maybe I will go with her and see what's up with this phone, get a different one, or whatever. One question: how can all these people afford these iPhones and Samsungs? They are so expensive.

Exciting things are happening though, Evelyn is graduating from high school and we are planning a party for her, and Emily, who graduated from college. Em and I might go for a little trip to the west coast to visit some friends out there, too. Paul is leaving for Singapore on Friday. Our huge cabin vacation is coming up in June.

This is the longest stretch of peace and quiet I've had in a long time. The dogs are snoring, and the birds are singing. I have tended to the pool, wiped down the counters, and put on the coffee, and that's about all. The homeschoolers have to be awakened, and and and...

little improvements, pictures!!!

The deck is all sealed!
The dark swivel chairs were awful before I spray painted them. $4.99 each at the thrift store, cream colored frames with rose/pink mesh seats, so eighties!


The rocking chair in the corner is from Aldi, and it's so comfy!


This was the yellow Little Tikes table. We've had it for years, it was stained and even after bleaching it, it looked awful. So I used the rest of the can of spray paint from painting the hinges on the kitchen cabinets, I figured it couldn't look worse. And I like it! It's between two Adirondack chairs on the deck.


The flower box...lots of wildflower seeds are sprouting already.

Anyway. Today was a beautiful day. Warm and humid and full of good things. :)

I'll be happy when...

I lose fifty pounds.
My house is clean.
My husband buys me a diamond ring.
Jamaica.
The dogs stop pooping in the yard.
The kids stop putting wet towels in the clothes hamper, there IS a towel hamper.
Whoever uses the last of the water in the Britta refills it.
People stop slopping coffee down the fronts of the newly painted cabinets.
Gas prices go down.
My purse is organized. I found SIX hairclips and five pairs of sunglasses in there the other day.
The pool is clean.
We get a new screen/storm door...make that two, one for the deck door, one for the front door.
We get new bathroom faucets, they are old and corroded.
We get a new roof.
We finish replacing the falling apart windows.
We do something about the broken tiles in the kitchen...a whole new floor would make me happy.
The ice maker in the freezer gets fixed.
The window on the van gets fixed. (Paul ordered the part but it's the wrong one)
The window in the kitchen, oh don't get me started...it's the wrong window, Paul made it fit, and the sheetrock around it..ugh.
My teenagers treat me with respect each and every day.
My family totally realizes how much I actually do to make this place function.
My knees stop hurting. One of them is being a total jerk, acting up and aching and giving out.

I could add new Birkenstocks and lower or no medical insurance deductible, but that would be greedy.

It's the biggest trip up, isn't it? The old, "I'll Be Happy When...".

Because it just ain't true. Look at millionaires and billionaires. Are they actually any happier? I remember when Paul and I were first married, saddled with huge student loan payments. I didn't work after Emily was born, and we were pretty broke for a few years. We lived in a mobile home, had our car payment, and spent $30 a week on groceries. I had, and I am serious, about three pairs of underwear. We got a used washing machine, and had no dryer for years. But we were happy. We didn't have much, we never went out to eat, we were happy.

Money CAN buy happiness, of course it can, a good Labrador Retriever pup costs upwards of $600, right? And vet bills. :)

But there is this lie, this lust, that is never satisfied, that always wants the next thing on the list.

Last year when my kids pitched in and paid for our new deck, which Adrian and Sam and some of the other kids built, I told them that they never ever have to get me anything again, they are set for life as far as birthdays, Christmas, Mother's Day...it was the best gift. It hasn't worn off yet, either.

But I was like that when we first moved into this house....I remember pinching myself to prove that it was real. I was overflowing with happiness. Years passed, stained carpets and rickety windows and broken closet doors happened, and where did my thankfulness go?

Anyway. Things don't have to be perfect in order to be happy. We are gifted with a drive to make things nice, and that's a good thing, but to be content with what we have is golden.

It IS nice to improve things though...we spent yesterday afternoon coating the deck with waterproofing coating, and talk about tedious work! Those little railing spindles, oh dear! We still have to do the backs of one section, which Jon couldn't reach on the ladder. And this morning we are going to give the decking part a second coat, and the stairs. Oh, yesterday I was working on the stairs. I had started at the top and one of my daughters was doing the trim/railing below me, and I don't know what she was thinking, but she painted the bottom steps. There I was, in the middle of the stairs, painted in. If I were small and nimble, no problem, but I had to step on those stairs to get down, no leaps for me. I touched them up a bit, and of course some bad puppies made prints on them anyway, but oh dear, what was she thinking?

It was quite a project. Emily, Kathryn, Evelyn, Suzanne, Sonja, Jonathan, Char, Cam, and cousin Danielle all pitched in. Ashley was here with Elise and Anya, Lydia was here, little Anne was here, Margaret was here with baby Wulf. We spent the entire day outside, what gorgeous weather. Our sidewalks and driveway are covered in chalk...

It DOES feel nice to accomplish getting the deck protected. Trying to find a string of nice days, and fit it into our schedule, and actually getting it done, wow. I'll take some pics of it later.

Adrian built a flower box/raised bed planter thing for Evelyn the other day, in no time flat, using the old deck lumber. It looks SO NICE. And the front porch is finished, too. I won't lie, I do love the little upgrades, improvements. But I like to revel in them, enjoy them, and not just want more!

Life should be reveled in, and enjoyed.