summer 2011

summer 2011

Paul and I, all 16 kids and Ashley, Benjamin's wife...Christmas 2012

Paul and I, all 16 kids and Ashley, Benjamin's wife...Christmas 2012
family

Thursday, October 8, 2009

can I start over?

Did you ever wish you could live your whole life over again? I have wished that more than once. Not just to relive those childhood Christmases or camping trips, either. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have ever teased other kids, or put stones in the paper box and pocketed the money for candy with my little brother Casey. But seriously, being a mommy has been a total lesson in humility for me. When I look back over the years, I know we had lots of fun, but I just wish I had been much more patient. There were times that I just over reacted, and was pretty short with the kids. I am still just as prone to this, but I am more awake to it, and really battle against it more. I have learned that when I can just endure and stay calm and gentle, things go so so much better!

Well, I am going to go put in a load of towels, they should dry on the deck to day. It is a sunny mild day, thankfully. Jonathan got to take a day off today, he is excited that Timmy is coming over. I am too. Except he is bringing his potty seat. So any hopes for actually accomplishing anything today have gone out the door.

3 comments:

Lisa said...

I have wished many times that I could have my life over again, not so much the childhood part, but from meeting my husband.

I wish I had known from the start I wanted a large family, I always said I would like three children, two girls and a boy, and even though it happened just like that, the longing for another one never went away. My husband, however, thought that three children was quite a large enough family and it took another few years of persuading for number four, another boy. Now he is on board with the idea of letting fate decide, circumstances may not allow it.

I also wish I had been more patient and understanding of my children, and wish I had cherished every single moment, the time flies by so fast, my oldest daughter is nearly twelve and it only seems like yesterday that she arrived.

Anonymous said...

I just read your post about crying, and the following. I hope you feel better. It does feel good to let tears go, it releases pressure for me too. :)
I was crying this morning over curtains rods! I was trying to put them up but it's so high and the drill is so heavy, and I strip the screws.. I felt like I could do nothing. But I don't want to cry over myself. When I start I just keep thinking "poor me poor me"...and I feel even worse!
Also I wanted to say, my house is clean. Spotless. I cleaned for 3 hours yesterday morning and it does look good. But then what? As you say I would trade clean for messy with life in a blink :) I actually like when there is some mess to clean throughout the day. It like 5 min missions that punctuate the day.
wishing you a good day, with plenty of comfort :)

M said...

So much love to you. I try to live every single day so I don't want to go back in time and relive and get more out of it. Since my hospitalization last year I was able to really realize the alternatives and that they weren't an option.

So even though right now I'm anxious as hell and exhausted and Lily won't sleep and I just want her to go to bed I fight with myself because some day? She will be too busy to play peek a boo late into the night. Today we took a nap together and it's ruined my ability to sleep tonight. But she was so mad and screaming andsobbing and I just snuggled her up to me like an infant and suddenly it was two hours later.

So I pay for it now and realize it's a small price to pay.

The good news is? It's never too late to start. And I am certain you are far harder on yourself than you should be. We as humans always are.