what consumes me

When I get an idea in my head, I don't let it go. Like the laundry room. It took me a while to get motivated to clean it, but once I started, I was totally obsessed with finishing it. I kept going back in there. I didn't want to stop to make dinner, I just wanted that room finished.

Now I am obsessed with getting into shape and losing weight. I keep track of what I eat. Somehow knowing I have to write it down makes me really think twice about having things I know I shouldn't. The thing is, it is fun! Well, eating donuts is fun too, but this is a different kind of fun. It is challenging, and I finally have confidence that I can succeed. I look at cookies, snacks, fresh baked rolls and just know they are not for me. Today in the grocery store, I bought myself some snap peas, and some green beans with almonds. And a 48 pack of 15 calorie Popsicles. For a snack tonight, I had a lowfat sugarfree yogurt with a half cup of frozen wild blueberries. One hundred thirty calories, and so yummy.

I haven't weighed myself again because I am afraid the number will be the same or higher. And right now I don't want to deal with that. I just want to stay motivated. I didn't go on my walk today since I shopped in three stores, and when I got home and put things away, it was cold and almost dark. So I did my twenty minutes of excercise in the living room. My older kids were getting a kick out of it, but I don't care.

The kids had pizza at the store. There is a restaurant area with nice tables and televisions. Kim was with me with three of her kids (I had seven of mine), she had two coupons for $5 twelve slice pizzas...I bought iced tea and lemonade, and they ate at the "restaurant" while we shopped. Her 16 year old daughter was there, and my Joseph, who is almost twenty. They had fun, we had fun. I ate a balance bar. When I got home, I heated up some leftover chicken breast in hot sauce, then stirfried red/yellow and green peppers and onions and the snap peas and some green beans....I had a big salad with it too. Then a few strawberries....

The evenings are the hardest. I get hungry, and start being tempted. I love popcorn...and I can't very well restrict the kids from having it just because I can't. Then of course the thoughts come like, "oh, a little won't hurt." I just have to say NO.

Mali is doing her weekly job at almost eleven at night, vacuuming the hallway and stairs. blah, there are kids in bed! She informed me this evening that she needs to be at school by 9a.m. for track practice. What???!! On vacation? I can't sleep in? Or at the very least, lounge in bed a bit? She did not like my surprised reaction. If I could have a do-over, I would have just said, "oh yay, goody, I get to get up early on the first day of vacation! No problem, Sweetie!" The reality is that I am not glad about getting up. I will do it for her, and I will be nice about it, but she doesn't have to take it so personally that I was not thrilled.....then on Tuesday she has an Invitational....Aaron has to go in and get his TB titer done for nursing school...and then go have it read two days later...and go in for his post-surgical check. On vacation. There is truly no rest for the wicked.

Easter! I love Easter! I explained to Miss Charlotte Claire and Miss Camille Anaya what Easter truly means. Char asked, "Is Jesus coming to life again this year?"

We are going to celebrate on Wednesday because Emily and Abigail and Margaret and Kathryn and Evelyn are going to Detroit to spend some time with some church friends there, over the weekend. So we are having our ham dinner and our Easter baskets on Wednesday. I would like to get them filled ahead of time because as is typical of me, I have no idea how many chocolate bunnies I have purchased. I buy them here and there and put them in my closet....not that the older kids would care if they didn't get one. It is going to be extra hard for me to stay out of the candy....because I love Easter candy...especially the Reese's PeanutButter Eggs. And chocolate bunnies...the ears are so good. Uh-oh, I need to change the subject.

I miss Paul. Really really miss him. This is too long for him to be gone.

Since I stayed up so late last night, I should get to bed...no lying in bed tomorrow morning....