so many pregnancies

I've been thinking lately about how much of my life I've spent pregnant: 158 months, which is roughly 13 years and 2 months. I had my first two children, then a miscarriage. Then eleven more beautiful children. Then a stillborn baby boy, Robert William, in June of 2003. Then I got pregnant 6 weeks later for Jonathan Robert, who was an unbelievable blessing. He was born April 30, 2004. Then I had 3 miscarriages in a row, and thought my baby days were over. Then I got pregnant again, and carried Charlotte Claire without any problems. She was born in May of 2006. Then, pregnant again, for the 21st time, and I started spotting. I was sure I was miscarrying again, and the doctor confirmed there was no baby, by ultrasound. I was only 8 weeks pregnant. I went on spotting for weeks, and sometimes downright flooding ( I bled ALOT)while I dealt with the loss. I then went in for a check-up, and the urine test was still positive. That happens, they said. Pregnancy hormones take a while to leave your system. I went in the next week, and I had stopped spotting. The urine test was STILL positive, so my midwife sent me over to the lab for some bloodwork. She called me the next day, and said I'd better come in. Oh no, I thought, ovarian cancer or something .....because after all, I was feeling horrible. I was naseaus, exhausted, and sad. My father had died unexpectedly a few months before, and I was feeling very mortal. I kind of suspected I had cancer. Anyway, when I got to the OB office, I was told my blood hormones were very high. They took me down for a sonogram, and OH MY GOD there was a sweet little baby, 14 weeks gestation, waving at me, the fabulously happy mom. Did I lose a twin? I don't know. What really happened? I don't know. But I was less than relaxed for the entire pregnancy...although extremely thankful and excited.....then Camille Anaya was born healthy and happy right on time........So, other than the 6 weeks after losing Robert, I have been pregnant or nursing for 24 years now....

One pregnancy in my teens, Emily Anne, when I was 19.
6 born in my twenties.
7 in my thirties. (not counting Robert)
and 2 in my forties, so far!

This is just something I've been thinking about. Last night we watched a movie in which the people were cross-country skiing....which I liked to do when I was young....and it made me sad for a few seconds....but everything's relative. I get so much joy and satisfaction from being mommy to these guys. Sometimes it seems kind of deja-vue, haven't we done this before.....over and over...but they are unique, and each child seems to present something that I've never encountered before....