no, I am not single

Camille took this picture of me this morning.
I took this one of her.

I am not single, but I do have a bare ring finger. My fingers have actually gotten thinner. So my ring was loose...and yesterday I went to wiggle it around, as I guess I was in the habit of doing, and nothing was there! I must have lost it when I was running with Rosie, I don't know. I am not overly sad about losing it, since it was only a $14 Walmart band. My original band was cut off years ago, and thrown away in an old purse accidentally. But that is a different story. My older kids were bugging Paul at the dinner table last night, telling him that now is the time to get Mom a nice ring. I told them I do not want a nice ring, then if I lost it I would be more sad. They said I would not lose it because it would be a nice one that fit right. I would like to go up to Walmart and buy another one, but I have no vehicle today. I just don't want to go to Jamaica with no wedding ring, I will just get hit on too much, ha. No, I have my late mother's ring on my right hand, I will just pretend I am European. Or Paul can just be my boyfriend.


The kids went out the door to school this morning, all 8 of them. Joseph went to college, and the other college kids are going in a little while. Camille and I are going to get the living room ready for the Christmas tree. Jonathan is excited, he has his Lionel train set up, he wants to set it up so it goes around the tree. He ate his cereal on the floor with the train going around him, this morning. They all had their chocolate calendar, and cut the construction paper loop of their paper chain that Charlotte Claire brought home from kindergarten.

So I guess you could say they are getting excited about Christmas.

I got stressed out this morning, and I hate it. There weren't ten cups/mugs in the living room this morning like there were yesterday morning, but there were a few. Then someone knocked furiously at the bathroom door while the little ones were still sleeping, one girl smacked her sister for bumping into her, someone left and slammed the door, I called her back in and told her to close the door properly, which did not go over well. I was trying to be nice about things, but they still all get riled up when I put my foot down about anything in the morning. I do not like it when they all start telling me not to get after them in the morning. I simply stated that if they didn't leave such a trail, I would have nothing to get after them about. Oh, the stomping. blah, I want a re-do. I KNOW it is better not to try to discuss anything with them while they are getting ready for school, yet I did it again. blah. Dealing with one teenager can be challenging, but this was six of them. Well, Suze isn't technically a teenager yet number-wise, but she is smart and can be quite sarcastic. The thing that makes my heart ache is: they are really really good kids, and I love them. I do have to talk to them about stuff sometimes, and I hate hate hate when it gets fight-y. It is a learning process for me still, dealing with these guys and trying to keep this place afloat. It is much more important to have it good with them than it is to have everything in order. But I still try to do both.

The other day Sonja got to skip school and shop with me. As we were driving along, this terrible thought came into my head, as if I had jumped into the future, and was looking back at the day - with the thought, "I wish I had been nicer to her on that last day together." Okay, I do not think I am psychic, nor was I actually afraid that something bad was going to happen to Sonja, but still. Our days are numbered, and I don't think we really comprehend that. And for the record, I am always nice to Sonja anyway. But there is this Taking For Granted thing...I decided to just really make it a special day, talk to her and listen to her and spoil her a little.

My computer is not going to Jamaica with me. The internet costs per hour at the hotel we are going to, and I can live without it. So after tomorrow I will be On Vacation. It will rather kill me not to be able to write about things that happen, perhaps I will bring a notebook and a pen. Cheryl, perhaps you can write a few posts? Cheryl is expecting twin grandchildren this month, plus another grandchild in January. (this is very nice, because my nieces share their babies with their Aunt Della...in fact today is Gracie's birthday...nine years ago today I was with Kate when she was born, one of the very best days of my entire life)Anyway, Cheryl has been learning a thing or two about anxiety...perhaps she can write about it a little if she wants to, and encourage us a bit.