cleaning and purging and being free from things....

You would think cleaning/sorting a bookcase would be a quick job. But no, I sat there for a good hour. I can't part with the Little House series. (I've read that some libraries have gotten rid of these books because Ma was a racist. Well yes, she was, but, at the time, that is how things were. The books are an accurate representation of what life was like then, and that's how Ma felt about Indians. People want to rewrite history!).

If You Give A Moose A Muffin. The Diary of A Wimpy Kid. All those Fancy Nancy books that Sonja treasured, and the Charlie and Lola that tickled Camille so. Novels upon novels, which mostly went to the thrift store bags (which of course are in a jumble on the kitchen floor near the door, hopefully we'll go today and drop them off!).

It's not just cleaning a bookcase, it's getting rid of the evidence of childhood. Our shelves have held childrens' books for 33+ years, and yes, we have to save SOME to read to the grandkids, but. Life moves on, kids grow up, and each book, I can remember the cuddled children in my chair, so much sentimentality.

I don't know why I want to purge the house all of the sudden, but I feel weighed down with stuff. I want it cleaner, lighter.

It takes time, but each time I clear a closet, I feel better.

Yesterday was spent helping Jonathan get his new room ready to move in to. I have to go buy the flooring so it can acclimate, you can't just install it without having it get used to the house's environment.

We still have to rip up the carpeting, and finish sanding the spackle, then paint.

Then when he moves in, we'll do the room he is vacating, so Sonja can have fresh new paint and flooring.

The high school girls have a half day today, so we're going to do something fun. I wonder if they think dropping books off at the thrift store and buying flooring is fun?

Evelyn and I went to Target and the grocery store last evening when she got home from work. It was discouraging, I tried on six things in Target and not a one of them looked nice. I need to get moving, I have been behaving myself with eating, but oh dear, the weight is not coming off. If I have something I shouldn't, I gain two pounds, and if that two pounds stays on, even if I'm careful for a while, then misbehave again, ugh. I am ten pounds heavier than I was this time last year when we went to Ireland. And we have had pumpkin muffins in the house, I didn't eat one single one. I had ONE blueberry muffin. Jonathan and Kap had their late night British Baking Show bake-off the other night, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, Jonathan, and peanut butter cookies with Hershey kisses on top, Kathryn...I had one small thumbnail taste of each, but that is IT. But you don't get points for what you didn't eat, do you?

I tell myself it could be worse.

I have my excuses.

But the bottom line is I need to move more, which is difficult with my knee buckling and acting up. I need to be much more careful about what I do eat, maybe go back to strictly keto. But in any case, I need to do something. It's depressing, although I am not letting myself get depressed about it. The jeans I tried on last night though, I LOVED them. On the hanger. But on ME, oh dear, my tummy. NO, can't do it. I don't care much what I look like, but. Also, I want more energy. I already eat barely any carbs...oh wah. :)

Anyway, life has it's struggles, doesn't it? And Martha, if you're reading this, just know I am praying for you and when I went through all the Fisher-Price toys in the kids' closet, I thought of you. The kids grow up and life changes and it isn't always easy.

I watched a few short videos the other day though, that I found really encouraging. This woman has SUCH a good spirit, and I want to be like that too. Choosing faith: a complex diagnosis, on you-tube Active Christianity. There are three parts, but each is only a few minutes. It's a must watch.

Anyway...time to get moving.