sometimes I wonder....

I wonder about my son Benjamin...he is in the Army. I am afraid for him. I know he is going to end up in Afghanistan. I just know it. Is this just a streak of unbelief in God, or some ugly pessisism breaking through my usually optimistic outlook? Or is it because we watched part of Steven Spielburg's "The Pacific", last night? Or is it because the front page story of the local newspaper this morning features an article on the stress military families experience during deployment? Or because I know that is why the military is building up right now, to ship more and more soldiers over there?

Whatever the reason, I am trying to calm down right now. I wrote to Ben this morning, then picked up the newspaper, and blah and wah, I lost it. I am no help to him in this state of mind. God has been good to him, and watched over him all these years, He isn't going to stop now just because Mama is a wreck.

I am thankful for my children this morning. Jonathan has his Spiderman costume on, and he was telling the girls how strong he is...and Camille stood up on the bench at the table in her fuzzy blanket sleeper, scrunched her eyebrows so she looked like a muppet, and said, "I am strong, and YOU are BAD!" Then she and Charlotte Claire went into the bathroom and put two rolls of toilet paper in the sink and filled it up with water. I gave each of their hands a little spank. It seems like I can hear my mother's voice saying, "They are ASKING for it...." No, we never got beaten or even spanked...but we did get a little slap once in a while....and I must say I always thought it was well-deserved. My little girls did not like this little spank one little bit. I did not like it either. But timeouts and scoldings only go so far, apparently. They seem to wander into these messes every single day. I do think it is harder for me, the one who proclaims that I don't believe in spanking children, to actually spank them, than it is for them, although they were upset and surprised. My little girls are mostly good, they are like this little girl:

"There was a little girl,
who had a little curl,
right in the middle of her forehead,
when she was good,
she was very very good,
but when she was bad,
SHE WAS HORRID."

I do not know who authored this poem, but it describes my little girls quite accurately.

Right now, they have dry jammies on from the sink and toilet paper expedition, and have both Sit-nSpins in the livingroom, going around and around and singing. Camille's favorite word right now, unfortunately, is "poopie".

The Wii is going, no Saturday morning cartoons this morning, which is fine with me. I would much rather see a child playing Wii than parked in front of the television. Jonathan is obsessed these days with Nerf guns and keeping track of the foam bullets.

Today should be a good day. There is pizza dough in the 'fridge for dinner pizzas, and we are having soup and grilled cheese for lunch. Emily is coming over tonight and we are celebrating her 26th birthday, which is on the 18th. Way back when Emily Anne was born, .....

1. It was 1985, I was 19 years old, and we had been married for ten months and two weeks.

2. She was 8 pounds, 7 ounces.

3. Paul cried when she was born. I asked him if it was better than shooting a deer, and he said yes.

4. Emily was born two days after her due date. The labor was long, and the policy then was "stay in bed". And since I didn't know any better, I did.

5. During the contractions, which I took no painkillers for, I focused on the ceiling panels and thought about my father, and how much he loved the babies.

6. I threw a washcloth at Paul. I must have had a good reason, but I no longer remember what it was.

7. The doctor determined when I was ten centimeters that the baby was transverse, and that if she didn't turn and come down with the contractions, he was going to have to do a c-section, but first he would try forceps. They prepped me for a possible section, had me sign the papers, brought me to the delivery room, put me under, did a huge episiotomy, used the forceps to rotate and pull her out....(I am extremely thankful that the dr. was old and experienced with forceps, and took the chance to do this procedure. Because of litigation and liability, I don't believe that doctors do high or mid forceps deliveries anymore, or not so much anyways... If I had had a section, I don't believe I would have been able to have all these children).

8. I woke up to Paul sitting there crying....

9. I have no recollection of being moved to the recovery room, but all of the sudden I was waking up and had Emily in my arms. I was confused, and wondered why my fingers were black...it was the fingerprint ink. Paul was saying how nice it was to have a girl "first". I was like, "First? I cannot do this again!" ha. All I can say is HA.

10. It didn't take long to fall in love with my dimple-cheeked blue-eyed chub. She was our world. I remember one day when she was newborn, Paul came home from work and I swear I hadn't done anything other than rock and nurse and cuddle that baby who was Emily, all day long.

I won't embarass Emily or bore everyone by listing the details of her whole life, but I will say that she has always been a joy. She is way smarter than me, and independent and capable and she is a brilliant writer. She is a registered nurse, and is still taking college classes to become a nurse practioner or an administrator. She speaks Norwegian, and a little bit of French, and she has a wicked sense of humor. When she has days off, she spends them taking our little ones places, or having them to her apartment. She is her own person, yet she is wholeheartedly faithful to God. I love her so much, and when she stops over it is like sunshine coming into the house.

The kids want me to get off this computer, so I will.