i know i am gonna cry...

I just read an article about a group of soldiers returning from deployment and reuniting with their families...I cried just reading it, can't help it. I thought of Ben...and our friend Matt, who has a wife and two daughters under two who is leaving for Afghanistan next month....wah. Then I thought about the upcoming graduation we are attending in Oklahoma...it is a good thing I don't wear mascara or I would be lookin' like a giant raccoon.

I am realizing that I am leaving during the kids' vacation, so I have things to plan. I was thinking of having Sam in charge of Special Treats. And of course making a meal plan. And assigning certain tasks to specific kids. I wish I could split myself in two so I could enjoy the whole week off with these guys, not just the first two days. Wait, in THREE, so one of me could just stay in bed with a good book- and some cookies as long as we're dreaming.

The kids all went to school today except for Suzanne. She came home yesterday with a headache and took a large comfy nap after school. She ate no dinner. Now she is on the couch watching, "The Cat In The Hat" with the two little girls, while they play princess dollies.

Today is a Stay At Home Day. Tomorrow however...four eye exams. Our health insurance is terrible, but for some reason, shh, our vision coverage is wonderful. Totally covered eye exams, glasses, with frames up to $120, every year for kids under 18, every other year for over 18. The only problem is that some of them want contacts AND glasses...so we have to pay out of pocket for that. Anyway, four eye exams at the Sears in the mall....and Samuel needs jeans. He also needs some shirts. I am hoping I hit some good sales.

So on this blog I write about all the mundane and interesting, to me anyway, things that make up my days....I hope it is understood that there are things I cannot write about...things that some of the kids go through, different trials that don't belong out in cyberspace. But I will say this, and if you have teenagers you might understand: It is not easy to hate the sin but love the sinner. When someone does stupid things, makes choices that I would never condone, I get upset. I actually found myself wanting to say, pardon my French, "to HELL with you, then!" But by the grace of God I didn't. There is much turmoil inside when things don't go the way I think they should. rrr. But don't I still need to love? Don't I still need to be kind and good? How is that possible? What do you do if one of your children simply doesn't believe in the bible? Disown them? I know that in all these things, God is still here, still working with me. He knows the beginning and the end of all things, it is just us people who are left guessing. So I shall trust Him and suffer through and hate the spitefulness and bitterness that comes up in me.....anyone can be harsh and demanding....but does that catch flies? (I am just like my mother, mixing up phrases....I was thinking "you catch more flies with honey..."(why the heck would anyone want to Catch Flies though?))

So life ain't all sunshine and roses.......there ARE trials. No one escapes the trials. But just think to believe that they are weighed and measured and NEVER too much! Because that is the truth! "God causes ALL things to work together for the GOOD of those who love Him...." (romans 8) When I think of all that God has to bear with ME, and yet I am so blessed, it encourages me to not be a wimp, to be so much more longsuffering with my kids.

Well, now that I am all encouraged to battle for what is good, I shall apply it in my life. Because otherwise it is just all good feelings....

Yesterday as we were driving along, looking at the snowbanks made gray from all the snowplow dirt...under the gray skies....I told Aaron that I think I could be a sad person, easily. The world is so sad. There is so much suffering. People are miserable. I look around and I could cry at the kids with no mittens on cold days and the old people shuffling from old cars through the slush. The news and the newspapers are full of depressing stories, the abuses and violence and the economy...CNN in the dr. office is just full of doom and gloom. And there is nothing I can do about all those things. But I CAN be faithful in my own life....I can live what I preach, what I believe. 1Timothy 4, 16"Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine, by doing so you will save yourself and those who hear you..." It always comes back to that, to take heed to myself. When the kids are acting up, the first impulse is to straighten them out. But I need to take heed to myself! My anger, my sin...then my dealings with them are pure.

I am thankful today...thankful for God's word, that it is simple and good.....