Yes, a profound title today. This morning I had a great idea. I decided I want to live until I am 99 years old. Then Emily will be 81, and we can be in a nursing home together. I told Mali this this morning, and she told me they would never put me in a nursing home, ever. "Who will take care of Emily and I then?".....Oh Mom! Mali said they discussed it and with so many kids there will be enough to take care of us...well, I am a bit skeptical of this, seeing how they take care of the house.....but it feels nice to know they think this anyway!
Suzanne is the only one who stayed home from school today. Emily is picking Jonathan and Sonja up today, so they went out the door with a spring in their step. They get out of school at 3:20, and off the bus at between 4:10 and 4:20. That is a long bus ride. Getting picked up is just IT for them. Sonja also gets to go to Emily's class with her tonight, so that is extra special.
Today I would like a tremendous burst of energy that lasts all day, along with an overwhelming desire to clean the house. I would like my back and my knees to co operate with this plan, and also my children. I would like my little ones to play contentedly, without trashing their older siblings' rooms or wasting all the shampoo. I would like the dog to stay nicely in the house and not sneak past people to freedom out the door to the neighbor's house. I would like Mirielle to come home and make dinner, all happily and voluntarily. I would like Paul to come home and actually notice how nice the house will look by then, and compliment me on how hard I work. He might actually say, "Jeepers, Della, the top of the stove looks like it did when we bought it! And you vacuumed under the furniture - way to go!" I would also like the kids to get off the bus and pitch right in, taking care of every last bit of the clothes monster on the couch.
What happens as one gets older is this: One realizes that these things ain't gonna happen. So one decides to not even try! Well, I am not quite at that point yet, but almost. I am learning that even when I put in hours and hours of hard work and get the place looking almost like it should look, it is NOT going to stay like that. Unless I work really hard....and I don't seem to have that in me, to keep up with things constantly. I am more the Scramble-When-Someone's-Coming-Over type. Of course when people come unexpectedly I have to suffer big time, but that's just the way I am. I have tried to change, but part of growing older is that one realizes.....it ain't gonna happen.
Besides, the math is against me. Think of this: 16 people live in this house. Each one leaves ...hmm, let's say TEN things around in the living room and kitchen area, things that do not belong.....multiply that and there are ONE HUNDRED SIXTY jackets, books, papers, cups of water, used tissues, dirty socks, ect., ect., ect., that do not belong where they were left! Now, to be fair, some of us never leave TEN things around, but there are a few here who wouldn't hesitate to leave TWENTY, and then there are the little kids.....and when everyone is gone during the day...sometimes I am tempted to call the school and ask for a certain kid, then tell them they LEFT THEIR WET TOWEL on the COUCH! rrr.
So.....this is my lot in life. It comes with all those sweet little babies. I am not very organized, nor can I maintain things just beautifully, as I long to. But despite all this, I won't give up trying, because I cannot live in chaos or crumbs, or sticky. I hate crumbs and sticky. I am pretty picky about food being eaten only at the tables, except for occasionally the older ones....but anyway....I have to tell myself that this is my job. As unsuited for it as I feel, it is my job. I have to keep plugging away at it even though sometimes I am sick and tired of it. Ha, MOST of the time I am sick and tired of it.
So.....here I am. Procrastinating the getting out of the chair and getting moving part. blah. Someone left the milk out. blah. Last night I had a dream I had a new baby, and a nice new pram, too. One that pushed beautifully on the beach....Those days went by too too fast. If anyone has an extra baby they want to give to me, I'll take it. I am much better at rocking and cuddling and nurturing a baby than I am at cleaning the house. If I were rich, I would hire housecleaners in a second. And spend all the live long day playing dollhouse and store and playdough and reading stories.....wait, I already do!
Anyway, I am glad there is a greater purpose in my life, and that it really isn't all about ME.
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3 comments:
I just am so glad you write about this stuff so freely!!!! I know I said this probably like a thousand times in various comments on your blog....but I'll say it again...I can relate so much to everything you write...and I only have 9...think what would happen to me if I had 16 like you!!!!!!! Yikes!
"It ain't gonna happen..."
I have just two left at home and a husband,... well yes, I do have 3-6 extra children here during the week days... and yes, we have been making exorbitant amounts of pie... but I can't seem to catch up with it all either. I wish for self cleaning bathrooms and disposable clothes... okay, maybe not disposable clothes... How about clothes that just shed or resist all dirt?
I have a game for you. It's called "Ten." "ten" is a simple game with simple rules, can be played by every member of the household, and should be. In this game everyone picks up and puts away ten things. Lest there be cheaters, a game and all its pieces count as one item. When played correctly, the result is a much relieved and happier mom in a relatively short period of time. Try it, you'll like it. I did.
Love this post! I can relate to so much of it (well, except that I only have 7 kids so not nearly the amount of work that you have). Love your honesty too!
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