life is too short

and the days go by too fast. Today, for example. All the kids went to school in the ten degree weather, bundled up in boots and hats. Jonathan had to wear rain boots because his boots were soaked from playing outside yesterday. I made pancakes for breakfast, in keeping with my, "Make Them A Nice Hot Breakfast Once In A While And They Will Really Appreciate It" theory. They did appreciate it.

We have snow, and the sun is shining on it right now. It has warmed up to 22. I am cold again, sitting here in my chair after lunch. Today I kept myself busy picking up and doing laundry and working out and doing dishes and telling myself that M&M's are not really that good.

Camille and I cut some coupons. Actually, she begged to sit on my lap. I let her for a few minutes, then gave her scissors and told her to cut out some doggies and kitties. She has been having this separation anxiety, wanting to sit with me and telling me, "Never ever leave me, Momma."...anyway, I sneaked into the laundry room to change the loads over, and Miss Kitty came along, purring to be picked up. I had just taken a small fuzzy blanket out of the dryer, so I scooped up Kitty in it, and gave the whole warm bundle to Camille, who just sat there so pleased holding the purring kitty...then, kitty wanted to get down, so she turned around and bit Camille right on the cheek! Camille was broken hearted, and back on my lap...rrr. Bad Kitty.

Camille had a piece of toast with turkey, some omelet, some orange slices that she will not eat, and a cup of milk. She is now watching a show on qubo, and is almost asleep. I wouldn't mind a nap myself, but I have too much to do...

We are almost out of milk, bread, and eggs. There is only one yogurt left, the bananas are gone, only one grapefruit left. I have been waiting for Aaron to get up to go with me, I don't want to go shopping alone with Camille...but he hasn't gotten up yet, now it is almost two o'clock. The school kids will be home before long!

I wish he would at least come up and make a new pot of coffee. He has some good stuff from Christmas.

I dreamed about a baby last night. I was holding it to my shoulder, patting it. It. ha. Anyway, then I realized it wasn't mine, I was holding IT for someone else, and I got really upset...one would think that after all these months, it would be okay, that I would get over losing that baby. But it still just feels like a punch in the stomach when I remember that little tiny heart beating. I have lost five babies to miscarriage, and Robert was stillborn. But this last loss seemed the hardest. Age? I don't know. I don't like losing babies. But...there is good in it. Good because I can have compassion on others, good because nothing gets me closer to God than those heartwrenching trials. Good because losing a baby brings to clarity how special life is, how wonderful it is that I have all these kids.

Aaron is now up, carrying Miss Kitty around, the little stinker. The kitty, not Aaron. Well, he is sort of one too, getting up at almost two o'clock....will he go shopping with his old mother? He doesn't sound too thrilled....