writing from the heart

I like to get comments on my blog. I like knowing people read it, it is satisfying. But I don't like that to influence what I write. I want to write what I want to write, whether anyone wants to read it or not. Does that make sense?

After yesterday's post about pie and weight loss, I wondered if I should have written about struggles that expose me so much, and possibly make me look like an idiot.

But the day I start censoring myself based on what impression I want to give about myself is the day I shall stop blogging.

Holding things back to protect a certain teenager, or not telling about a child's bedwetting problem, or an embarrassing incident at school is different.

It is amazing how easy it is to sit here and write when I am Not Caring What People Think Of Me.

That being said, today I feel lazy. I really wanted pie when I woke up, too. I had some yesterday afternoon, but I did only have a grapefruit and a handful of peanuts for lunch. And green beans with meat sauce for dinner. Anyway, there was pie still left this morning. So I did what any pie-loving mom would do: I asked the kids if they wanted pie for breakfast, and they did! Pumpkin pie and orange juice is pretty healthy, right? Problem was - they didn't finish it, and I had to throw the leftovers in the garbage. If you guessed that this was not easy for me, yes, you are right. If that makes me sound really crazy, so be it. But I did it, took one bite, and scraped those pie scraps right into the trash.

Now there is only one un-cut pie, and one piece left in the other pan. I will not eat it.

I did go to the store yesterday afternoon on the way to pick Paul up from work. I bought more grapefruit, it is so good this year. I also bought some Italian bread for dinner, still warm from the store bakery, which I only had one bite of, and some milk and the orange juice. I used to buy them orange juice all the time, but it isn't all that great for them, eating the fruit is better. And it is expensive. The good thing is that when we have it, they totally appreciate it. I had to give the lecture: remember guys, only have a small glass so that everyone gets some. No using those huge cups!

Camille is cuddled up to me in her kitty jammies. She is still so sweet and snuggly, I am really struggling that she is growing up so fast and probably going to kindergarten next year. Her chubby little face still captivates all of us, we reach out and pick her up and hug her and the boys call her, "Tiny One". When she gets hurt and cries and says, "I want you, Mama!", I am so pleased even when it is irritating. I know when they grow up they still want me, but...my arms are feeling empty.

Our church youth group is taking a trip to Israel in 2014! I want to go too! I am still young! Samuel is so very excited about this. There will be fundraising, yay. ha.

Today:

1. Gather and wash socks. Match them instead of just dumping them into the clean
sock basket.

2. Sweep floors, even though they were swept and mopped yesterday.

3. Figure out what is for dinner tonight.

4. Do my workout. Yes, it should be Number One on the list.

5. Pick three youngest kids up from school at 3:00, this saves them the usual hour
long bus ride.

6. Text Benjamin. We try to keep in touch each day, I talked to him last night and
he has had some Snow Days. Yes, Snow Days in the U.S. Army! Apparently the
Tacoma Washington area is not used to snow, especially eleven inches at a time,
so everything shut down. Unfortunately for Ben, two things happened...one, his
car slid into a curb which caused $6oo in damages which is not fixed yet because
roads not plowed, ect. Two, he and Ashley had planned to go to store before
snow hit but didn't, now have no car and not much food...they were going to walk
to the gas station last night for milk and bread....

7. Think about the kids, and pray for them, so that I can be a help to them and not
just a naggy mother, getting after them for stuff, but encouraging them to
choose the good. And also be a good example for them in my own conduct, which
is way harder than just telling them to be good.

8. Stay out of the pie, stay out of the pie...