It was a happy day when I was growing up, it was Billy's birthday! Billy was three years older than me, he was the fifth child in our family, and I the sixth. He was my friend when we were small, and my peer when I was a teenager....oh, the trouble we got into! It's funny how heredity works, I see him sometimes in my son Joseph...the way he just looks at me like I asked him a really stupid question that he won't dignify by answering me....Billy won every argument, he was supremely intelligent, and knew something about everything. He loved the kids, and was so good to them. Now he is gone.....and like every other day of my life, I wonder about him today....I wonder why he chose to die, why he didn't ask for help....why I never saw his pain.....
My mother used to brag about her kids. (ha, imagine that!!). I am thankful that she wasn't around for this loss of Billy. Her kids simply did not kill themselves. They behaved themselves. Oh, my mother saw her kids through the rosiest rose-colored glasses that ever did exist. It would have absolutely crushed her if she had to endure this loss of Billy. I am glad that she passed away without having to experience this particular pain.
It gets a little better. Sometimes I forget about it, and when I think of Billy, it is like that old gut punch when I remember what he did, that he is gone. But mostly, it is just as hard as it was that day in March. Yesterday I was out shopping with Miss Kathryn and Miss Evelyn, my 12 and 11 year olds, after their dentist appointment. They were telling me there is "no such thing as a bad day, it is all in the way you take it..." I thought of the day when Billy died, of the phone call, of the shock and the horror and the coldness and the awfulness...but I didn't tell them that. Hopefully they can live out all of their days never having a day like that.
So yes, this IS the day that the Lord has made, I SHALL rejoice and be glad in it. Life is too short to dwell on sad things.
I bought a turkey yesterday for thirty eight cents a pound. We are having Thanksgiving on November 21st, the day before Benjamin leaves for basic training. Emily doesn't work that day, everyone is saving the day, so we should all be here. It will be a good day.
Ben will be home for Christmas. Since he has the joy of taking a break in the middle of basic training for Christmas holidays, he has to leave the base, and we have to pay for his ticket home from Oklahoma....the Army only pays for him to go home after basic is completed. And since this break comes before he recieves any pay, we are giving him the nice Christmas present of a trip back home. Emily Anne will be in India for the two weeks before Christmas, coming home on Christmas day...apparently Aaron said he would pick her up at the airport....
Blah, I feel like I am all over the place on here today. Jonathan is home from school today....he did not feel well. After I granted him permission to stay home, the girls told me that he was supposed to sing on the stage today for some play at school...just for fun, he says. Well, to him it did NOT sound fun. He is snuggled up under a blanket with Camille, who keeps kissing him. She is thrilled that he is home to play with her today. Now he is singing to her, which makes her absolutely swoon. She loves to be sang to.
I went tanning yesterday. Am I really that vain? I told myself that I don't want to burn so quickly on our vacation, but really, I don't want to have shockingly white thighs....they are shocking enough when they are tan.
I did order a bathing suit. No, actually I ordered TWO bathing suits. I will try them both on, and if I don't like one I will send it back. If I like them both, Merry Christmas to me!
Tomorrow I have to take Mali to the dental surgeon to see if she needs her wisdom teeth out yet. Two are impacted, two are sitting on a main nerve, according to our dentist. Poor Mali.
I am thankful today, even though I am sad about my brother. God's word is true, no matter how tired I am. He can strengthen me and give me help in my temptations.
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8 comments:
Oklahoma? Pretty cool...that is where I live. And, you spelled it Oaklahoma. LOL!
Thank you Holly! I missed that one!
You are in my thoughts and prayers today.
Praying for you today. I remember this anniversary when it came around last year. So glad that you have 16 blessings to remind you of how precious life is--even the memories of your brother. If you think about it--would you pray for my brother. His name is Martin. He has a terminal disease (heart condition) and is not a Christian. He doesn't have much to do with any of us, because we are all Christians and he is so angry at God. I've never talked about him or asked anyone to pray, but your post today reminded me of our growing up years (he is 12 years older) and how much I love him.
Hey, I live in Oklahoma! Let me know if he needs anything. That is so cool.
Blessings
Kim Chrisman
Thank you Martha...and Bonnie, I will pray for Martin. It is hard when families aren't close...I have an older brother whom I absolutely idolized when I was growing up, and I hardly ever see him....he doesn't care for our church at all. Kim, thank you, too!
I alsp had a younger brother that commited suicide. I'll never forget the phone call.
Where did you end up ordering your suits from?
Wow! In the years I was in the military, the only time the Army EVER paid for me to go home was when I was processing to get out! That is very fortunate that they will pay for Ben to go home later.
BTW, I'm so glad he chose the Army and not another branch. Of course, I'm biased. ;) I do think he will find promotions come much faster than if he had chosen a different branch - at least that is how it was when I was in.
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