Reasons why today has been one heck of a day so far:
1. Slept in 'til 10:20. Can't remember when I have had that much sleep.
2. Walked Rosie in the rain. It was lovely.
3. Paul made me an omelet with green peppers and tomatoes from the garden.
4. I had some of Mirielle's homemade banana bread with my coffee. One of the girls said something rude to me about the way I ate it, ouch. It was The Straw. The one that broke the camel's back. So I had myself a good cry. (there's something horrendously sad and pathetic in bleeding day after day and being pretty sure that that is the little baby wtih the little heartbeat...ouch to my soul.)
5. So I had my little episode of sobbing and crying and being terribly sad, and pictured myself just walking and walking and getting away from everything...
6. So, I went on the treadmill for a 20 minute fast-paced walk.
7. Took a shower, and here I am. Evelyn the Birthday Girl just brought me a cup of hot coffee with cream. (she made it for herself, but we are out of sugar, so she gave it to me..but still.)
8. Paul is at Lowe's buying a new weedeater. He tried off and on all summer to fix the old one.
9. We texted him to buy some ice cream for the Birthday Girl's ice cream pies.
10. There is another graduation party today at my brother's house.
11. I went to the one yesterday at my other brother's house, and it was nice to see two of my brothers and my sister-in-laws and nieces and nephews and a few adorable little grandchildren of my brothers. Good food and good friends, I did forget my troubles for a few minutes at a time.
12. The boys are making bacon because we have so many tomatoes.
13. Sometimes it seems like a cruel trick to even ponder what a miscarriage is. When I say I am okay, I am lying. It is not fun, it is not nice, it is not fair, yet...here I am.
14. I would like to take a leave of absence from my job right about now.
15. Yet it is healing to give to others, to be good when I myself am feeling empty. And nothing in the world is as nice as a huggy hug from Miss Camille. She is perched with me right now.
16. Time to get some little girls ready for another graduation party...
17. If I could only fast-forward to Friday to find out what's going on with this pregnancy....my old o.b would have been so much better about all this. The new group I go to just seems too busy to care. This coming Friday is the absolute soonest I can be seen...if I do go to the E.R., it will cost big money because our insurance is not good.
Oh well...time to get moving...
5.
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"Praise the Lord, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases"
Psalm 103:1-3
My daughters and I have been memorizing Psalm 103 in our daily bible study. We are learning it by listening to a song with the words. This part kept coming back to me while I read your words this morning. I am praying for you and your little, hoping He will restore your spirit and lift you up.
Maureen
I have been thinking of you so much and praying for you. <3
Thinking of you. I am sorry you have to wait so long. I have contemplated the ER before, but could not pay out the money, so I waited for the u/s at dr office. I pray all well. Have you had cramping? That would signify a m/c, not just bleeding. And your baby was a significant size that you would see if you passed it. My twins measured 6 1/2 weeks and there was no mistaking the sacs with fetus inside. It was small, but it was unmistakable.
RE:#14 If only...
It made me laugh but I can relate. Mike was home sick three days lastt week. He gave his sickness to me and went back to work. Thank you very much. How many sick days do I have stored up?
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