questions, anyone?

"Designated chores and household responsibilities." I do not even like that phrase, but I should grow up one of these days I guess.

We have tried many different systems around here. What seems to work best is this: Some chores are assigned weekly. Other things I assign on a daily basis, giving jobs to who seems to have the most free time to help. Aaron is taking 18 credit hours right now in college, and he helps out when he can. That is good enough for me. Joseph is also in college: he took the kids to and from soccer practice the other night. That is good enough for me. Mirielle is swamped right now in nursing school, but she made two pans of lasagna last night for tonight's dinner, plus helped with the kids and cleaned up the kitchen. All without being asked. That is good enough for me. Each afternoon, on these school days, I will ask someone to help me with dinner, someone to set the table, and depending on what needs to be done, unload the dishwasher or maybe take Charlotte and Camille out to swing, or fold towels, ect. Sometimes the one I ask to help me in the kitchen is a child who I feel needs time with just me. Same with when I ask one of them to help me with putting clothes away, or to help me grill the chicken. It isn't so much about the chores, it is about having it good with the kids. They also need to learn how to do things well, and sometimes are asked to come back and sweep a second time, or re-wash something. Sometimes one of them will decide on their own to clean up the living room, or I will initiate it and get them all to pitch in. After dinner each night, I will ask someone who didn't help with preparation to do the dishwasher, someone else to clear, someone to sweep, wash the table, pans, ect. Having so many kids is nice, because the resposibilities get spread around and no one is over-burdened.

I try to give my kids as much freedom as I possibly can to make things that sound good to them, as long as they clean up after themselves. We eat our dinners together every night, but other meals on weekends and during summer are staggered throughout the day. We are a unit, but a unit made up of individuals who need to be themselves.

Laundry: I don't "make" anyone do their own laundry. They just seem to come to the point where they want to do their own. That ties up the washer and dryer and makes things more complicated, but it is how it is around here. The good part is I can ask them to put something in with their stuff if I really need it washed, and that they can wash a load of towels or bedding for me if I ask them to.

Trash: Sam takes the trash out everyday with out being asked. If he is not here, Kathryn will take it out.

Their rooms: I never ask the older ones to clean their rooms, they keep them clean on their own. They just do. The two rooms shared by the three kids, and the two little girls: I have to help them, and get after them...and they get pretty messy pretty fast.

Our house is not sparkling clean, but it isn't dirty, either. I don't like dirt, or sticky stuff, or crumbs. The little girls still get a clean wet washcloth served with their food so they never get down from the table with sticky hands. I have always insisted the kids wash their hands after eating when they were little and it sticks with them as they grow up. (obviously BEFORE eating, too)

My personal opinion is that it is hard to function with too much clutter and mess. I don't like it. Back in the years when I had babies and toddlers and was tired, all I wanted was my house cleaner. I had very little free time, and was always asking the kids to help clean up. I don't think it hurt them any.

I still really value a clean house. It is never as clean as I would like it, but we LIVE here, and it needs to be a comfortable place, too. The kids need to play, we need to stretch out, take off our socks, throw them on the floor...well, I try to find out WHO threw them on the floor, but no one ever did.

Anyway, the kids do have responsibilities around here. When they are in school, they have very little free time. The younger ones have four hours from the time they get off the bus to the time they get tucked in at night, which is why I let them stay home sometimes, but that is Off On A Tangent. I don't like to have them do too much on school days, especially if they have homework too.

One way I have dealt with kids who fuss when they are asked to do a job is to tell them to nevermind, I will do it myself. They HATE that. Most of them. There are one or two who will gladly let me.

Anyway anyway anyway, at the end of the day it isn't how clean the house is that is the most important thing, it is if there is peace and warmth in the house. Anyone who can accomplish both of those things, good for you! I have had trouble balancing the two, because when I push too much and want things Just So, there isn't peace. I know I am not the best manager, and that I have often let things slide to go on fun adventures, then suddenly noticed a million things that needed to be done immediately if not yesterday...

Usually once a week during the school year I make up a job list, assigning each child something that doesn't get covered on a regular day, like windows or mirrors or putting away clothes. It works wonderfully, gets a lot done quickly.

Laundry again: I always put the clothes away as I take them out of the dryer. I hang everything up that is for "bye-bye", and fold the play clothes and put them away. If I leave a load in the dryer for some reason, and one of the kids does laundry, the clothes end up on the couch. That is where the Couch Monster comes in. Also in the Couch Monster: clothes I got out for someone that maybe didn't fit right, something that can be worn a second time, things the kids pick up when cleaning the living room and don't feel like putting away properly...the pile is very small right now, but I think I will put it on the list of Things To Do.

We had fun going out to dinner last night. Six of my sister's seven daughters went, along with my Emily and Abigail, and my sister Cheryl, and I. Cheryl and I were very well behaved, eating-wise anyway. We chose the salads with chicken breast, orange slices, raisins, toasted almonds, roasted red peppers...the bread with olive oil dip was too good...and the dessert: homemade canolli. When the waiter was mentioning we might be too full for dessert, he said a few times there were only a few "finishers"...meaning those who finished their whole dinners. Yes, the girls all brought home some of their pasta dinners for lunches today. But come on, my sister and I had SALADS. Of course we finished them! rrr. It was nice to spend a bit of time with Becky, who is going to Norway today for a whole year. wah.

I also found out that I am not ready to be out in public among people yet. How many weeks has it been since I lost the baby? A few, maybe three...and I can't stop thinking about it. I don't want to dwell on it, I want to get past it but the hurt is still there. I don't remember it being this bad before. I think it is because I saw that heartbeat, which made my hopes soar, even when I was spotting and bleeding, I saw that heartbeat and had hope. I never lost a baby before after seeing the heartbeat, my first miscarriage was at 12 weeks, but I hadn't had a sonogram. blah. Anyway, one of my nieces found out she is having twins on the Monday after I had the d&c...I couldn't be happier for her, but ouch. During our meal last night, we were talking about strollers and car seats, things I love, and it just hit me that I had lost this baby, and I wanted to walk out and go someplace and hide. It hit me so suddenly, caught me off guard, that I feel like I don't even want to be around anyone anymore. I got home and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. Honestly, the hardest part is that God sent this baby in the first place, why did He take it back? Did He not hear me pray and beg and plead for its life? And immediately upon admitting that I struggle with this, I feelhorrible because I do not want to question God. I know in my heart that He sends what's best for us. I guess it is part of , "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.."(proverbs 3 v.5)... I comfort myself with knowing that tried faith is more precious than gold, and it is much more difficult to trust in the Lord when one has known sufferings...and I can't just jump to the finish line in this, there are tears and thoughts and situations that I have to go through....I think I wanted to heal too quickly, and just brushed things under the rug.

So...I have my work cut out for me. In the house, in my thoughts, in my heart...