I hate whiners. Ha, that sounds meaner than I meant it to. But I am an optimistic person, and don't find much patience with people who see the dark side of everything, and dwell on the negative things....well. Well. Here I am, feeling SO darned sad. Most of the time I am fine, but sometimes it feels like such an effort to live my normal life! I feel tired and like I just can't deal with one more thing. I don't want to feel this way, but it is the way it is right now.
But there are times and seasons in life, and this is just a trial in a series of trials, weighed and measured for me by God himself. (Sonja just came and told me she is going to be a Rock Star for Halloween...so Camille is asking me to make her a Rapunzel dress, she says, "Pinky promise you will?" um, no.) Anyway, this is a season for me to live by faith, moment by moment.
It is interesting to feel like I have no strength of my own and to trust that God will give me the patience I need to get through each situation.
I did a cheaty little work out this afternoon, then sat down here with my second cup of coffee for the day, and a handful of dark chocolate chips. I read dark chocolate is healthy. I actually don't care that much if it is, I just like feeling okay about eating it. ha.
Dinner tonight will be a cheaty dinner, too. Frozen chicken taquitas, I don't know what they will be like but they were cheap at BJs. And maybe a big salad. We had a yummy lunch at church today after the baptism, made by Emily: we had chicken breast which she marinated overnight, some in Buffalo hot sauce...baked potatoes with sour cream and bacon and butter (I skipped this part), and a really good garden salad, loaded with good stuff. She also served brownies, which I also skipped.
Abigail took Jonathan to Walmart, most of the kids are playing outside. They cleaned the van for me, six of them, without any help from Paul or I. It is a big van and it gets pretty messy. Perhaps they will be careful not to throw anything on the floor for a couple days now.
I find that I am getting sick and tired of trying to lose weight. But I do not WANT to get sick and tired of it. I want to hang in there and lose lots more. I do NOT want to gain back what I have lost, either. No, my blood pressure is lower, my acid reflux/heartburn is HISTORY....I do not want to gain it back. I have to keep up this battle for the rest of my life, blah. Why do I have to love apple pie so much? The pies I made came out just right, nice and tart, the crust was made with shortening and butter, and was flaky and good...I put sugar on top before baking, so the top crust was yummiest...one of the girls said it would be good with some of that caramel ice cream, but I put my foot down about that. Now if someone would go in the kitchen and eat that last piece that is calling me relentlessly...I could just go eat it and get it over with. Nah.
This week will be busy enough. I have to do shopping for next weekend's soccer tournament at church, go to the town board meeting about this mud bog plan, and Paul will be out of town for work all week. He will be back on Friday night, then he will work at the Dome on Saturday for a football game while I am out at church with the kids selling candy and watching soccer games. Never a dull moment.
I am thinking it might be fun to get that sewing machine fixed and make a Rapunzel dress. hmm.
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5 comments:
If you can't "whine" on your blog--then where can you do it? I don't think it's whining. All moms have their times when things seem too much.
I actually think you have a lot of willpower. You talk about so many yummy types of deserts on your blog that your kids or you have made. I don't know how you can stand to have it in the house and NOT eat it. Or sometimes you say you have one bite--how?? You have a lot more willpower than I.
I had a sad day today too. My dad passed on the 7th, the funeral was on the 13th and today I went to church for the first time in many weeks. It was hard and I cried and one of the songs about having rooms prepared for us in heaven (Dad is there in his room already). But I made it and I'm OK!
We all have those moments and really is ok. I tend to have more of the "down" moments when we go from summer to winter..I will say a little nprayer for us both. :)
I have never lost a child, but I know very well the feeling of wanting more. I just love babies so much also:) Just wanted to share that my married daughter who had a baby last year, just shared with me that her and her husband want at least 6. I just about burst with happiness. That will happen to you to:) BTW in your last post, the 3rd picture with Sonja(I think) and the kitten is absolutely stunning!! You should def frame that one.
Have a great week
Blessings
Kim Chrisman
Grace, I am sorry about your dad. Life should just stop for a bit when we are grieving, but it doesn't.
As far as willpower goes, I don't see myself as having much. I had this amazing resolve when I started this whole diet thing, but after the pregnancy, am finding it really hard to get back into that groove of saying NO to things that I didn't need.
You know, when I sit here and write all the stuff I write, I sort of forget people will be actually reading it. I just write because it puts things in perspective for me, but the comments I get help so much! It is so nice to know I am not alone! Thank you!
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