hopefulness

I am realizing how much doubt I have about losing weight.

Even though I have already been, um, successful, it is hard to be hopeful.

Tonight I was ravenous. We went to the dr., then to Walmart (where I found some one dollar racks...skirts for the little girls for a buck each!), then home...all with Mali driving. Home...just a quick stop in with the food and other goodies, then off to pick up the Big Van. Home again to collect some children for the pool...on the way there I realized I hadn't eaten anything besides the fruit and yogurt parfait from McDonalds, in several-everal hours. My tummy was growling. Since I didn't bring my purse to the pool, I didn't have my Emergency Balance Bar. Oh well. We swam. Well, the kids swam, I treaded water and tried to keep moving, since I didn't do my During The Day exercises today...

Home. Mirielle and Margaret had made four of the most beautiful pizzas in the world. At least that's what they looked like to me, the Starving Mama. Bacon, pepperoni, garlic and butter...yum. I had bought one of those fake-y rotisserie lemon-pepper chickens at Walmart to make sure I didn't eat the pizza. ha. I ate pizza. They were small pieces, but..I had four. They WERE really small. Yes, four. uh-hum. Then, an hour or so later, a huge handful of chocolate chips. Does it count that I really enjoyed it all?

So I have my battles. I wish I was as clean and determined as the Success Story people.

The reason I am hopeful however, is because I know I can get back on my feet tomorrow, and that I WILL get back on my feet tomorrow. I am bound and determined to see this thing through, no matter how many little setbacks I have, no matter how much I don't feel like it. I will do my best each day, not worrying about days ahead when I won't have time to exercise, or the "what ifs", as in, "what if I get sick", or "what if I lose all of my self control and start eating chips out of the bag.."

I am tired tonight. Today was busy enough for me. Goodnight.