saturday

Morning came too early, I was sleeping all snugly in my bed when Rosie-The-Bad dog starting doing those Let Me Out yips. rrr.

So my day started. I swept the floors, cleaned up the pee Rosie did when I came out and told her to be quiet. I cut up some grapefruit, which Charlotte Claire loves dipped in sugar. Camille wanted some sugar, so I told her only with grapefruit. She made a mess! Sugar all over her sleeper jammies, the table, the chair...I was busy making omelets with bacon and onions and green peppers and cheese.

Kathryn and Suzanne and Sonja just got back from a brisk walk down the road in the fifteen degree sunshine, Jonathan is playing Wii, the princesses are carrying Kitty Kitten around in a laundry basket with a blanket over it. More kids are getting up and wandering into the kitchen now, Mirielle is making another omelet.

Charlotte Claire lost a second tooth, and that dang forgetful toothfairy let her down again. I told her the one that comes on Saturday nights is better anyway.

As I sit here and glance around at the house, I wonder why in the heck the same things have to get done over and over again every day. I don't do it all myself, but I do have to ask kids to do things, assign chores, make sure things get done right, enforce that they even attempt to do what they are asked to do. I keep thinking that I am sick of it, but then I think of the verse, "let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due time we shall reap if we do not lose heart."(Gal. 6 v.9)

And I also remember when I had that horrible gallbladder attack, when I vowed that when I felt better I would never ever complain about anything ever again.

And then when I drove in the treacherous weather last week, again vowing that I would be SO GOOD if I made it home safely.

Why is it so hard to stick to these vows? Well, because I am full of sin. The good news is that being tempted is not the same as giving in, and I do not have to give in!

Speaking of giving in...the pie, oh the pie. It is gone now, and yes, I ate it. Not all of it, but I did have a nice piece with my afternoon coffee, and it was so so good. Pumpkin pie is one of the best things in the universe by far. I reasoned that there are three cups of sugar in four pies, and this last pie was a skimpy one, with only like an inch of filling. So besides the sugar, the other stuff is good, eggs and pumpkin and I used 1% milk, then spices. The crust though, ha, could I have just thrown that away? not a chance, I made it with part shortening and part butter, and it was flaky and yummy...blah.

So there is no pie in the house today. Nothing that overly tempts me. I shall behave today.

Our dinner last night was really good. Bone-in chicken breasts, roasted red potatoes, green beans, applesauce, and a big bowl of hot spinach for me, since I had only one very small potato. I skipped the dessert Paul brought home, peanutbutter chocolate chip cookies from Wegmans. I still felt too guilty about the pie.

I am down another pound, three days in a row, so that means it is official. So so slowly, this weight loss thing...but. But. I will stick with it. I did my exercise yesterday, and listen to this: I did eighteen pushups! More than that, there are three 4-minute sections of exercises, I some pushups in the first one, in the second set, and then 18 in the third set. Now these are not full all-the-way down pushups, I can only go down a few inches, ha, but they are not the girl ones, either. They are the regular guy ones, and I could not even do one of them a few months ago. I would lie on the floor and push with all my might, and could not get up. So I am happy with that little bit of progress.

Instant results, that's what I want. I have made up my mind, I want to be thin enough to ride a bike with Jonny, I want to wear a regular bathing suit, I want to go ice skating...NOW. Not down the road. I want to sit down without my muffin top showing up over the top of my waistband. It seemed impossible for years, so impossible I did not even attempt it. I would have dreams I was wearing a bathing suit and looked down at myself and thought, "wow, I didn't know I was so thin!" I have been a prisoner in my own body for a long time, just being released little by little in these last months. It is no fun being fat. Being invited to sit down, looking longingly at the offered chair, but declining, pretending one would rather stand...because who wants to test the strength of a chair? blah. Lots of reasons to lose weight besides just the blood pressure. I feel like it is a life and death matter to me, not just a vain endeavor. My mother suffered from breast cancer, diabetes and kidney failure, heart attacks and a triple bypass. In the end the diabetes robbed of her of her eyesight, her feet were necropic or however that is spelled, they were turning black from the diabetes. And she weighed way less than I do now! She was only 69 years old when she died, and that was after ten full years of kidney dialysis.

Anyway, today I shall behave. Thank you for all the kind uplifting comments, it really is nice for me when I check this blog and find them! I love knowing that "I am not the only one"....