what would we do without him?

Paul is home, yay. He discovered this morning that the furnace didn't run last night, no wonder it was so cold in here. He fixed it. (the temp outside is in the teens, brr.)

Emily was here for her birthday last night, and mentioned that her washer hose was leaking. Paul jumped right up and got her some waterproof tape to fix it for now.

He always helps with Jon's homework..oops, when he wasn't here I kept forgetting about it...

We had a nice birthday here for Emily. I had her guess what the tent was, as I had forgotten and left it in the minivan. I told her it was something one uses outside, unless they are really wierd. She guessed "weedeater". She finally got it when I mentioned the Occupy Syracuse movement...

We had roasted lemon pepper marinated pork chops,baked basmati rice, broccoli, and applesauce. Dessert: pumpkin pie, which took a twice as long to make as I had thought it would. I also made the yummiest chocolate covered peanut butter balls...I mixed confectioners sugar with some crunchy peanut butter, then added a little creamy peanutbutter, some crunched up thin pretzel sticks, then dipped them in melted white chocolate bark with a few handfuls of chocolate chips mixed in..they were so good! I used the rest of the chocolate mixture to dip pretzels, then put it all out on a tray with three Ghiardelli chocolate bars and some chocolates I still had from after-Christmas clearance. I had two of the chocolate peanut-butter things, then slapped my hands and kept them out of stuff. I did have a little bit of pie too, yum.

There are still three pies here! Someone come over and eat them, please!!!!

It is rather quiet in here right now, Charlotte Claire is home from school because she is still blah, has a bit of a cold. She is awake, as is Camille, and they are in their room playing. Suzanne got up, talked me into letting her stay home (she is not doing ANYTHING today, she says), and went back to bed. Kitty Kitten is in her perch on the back of the couch looking out the window, and Rosie is snoozing in her cage, all content and tired from going out for a cold walk, coming in for her breakfast, chasing Kitty Kitten around for a while, and the stress of hearing the garbage truck at the curb and not being able to chase it and bark at it.

I do not think the furnace is running. It is freezing in here. blah. If I call Paul he will tell me what to do to fix it, I don't like doing things like that but I also don't like freezing. I COULD bake some cookies, that would warm it up in here and make my kids love me when they come in from school, but it would also torture the heck out of me. I just got a coffee refill, and saw those pies out there, oh dear me, how can one resist pumpkin pie? Maybe a small slice will be my lunch...

I read about the new advertising campaign in Georgia against childhood obesity. One line was, "Being Fat takes the fun out of being a kid.", which was read after a child was shown retreating to playing video games by himself after being teased by other kids for being fat. Wait, shouldn't the ad suggest it is HORRID to tease someone? Being fat does not give others a Free Pass to tease! The article I read was written by a woman who wrote a book about her daughter's battle with bulemia and anorexia, and she was troubled about the message this new ad sends to kids. Society has no tolerance for fat people. If a movie star gains a few pounds, (and still looks smashing to me), OH NO! Unacceptable! If a fat person stars in a movie, there is much to-do about their success despite being so large.

Yes, it is unhealthy to be fat. Diabetes, heart disease. My health is the first and foremost reason I finally decided Enough Was Enough. But honestly, now I am liking the idea of checking out of the most discriminated class of people in the world. And that makes me hate myself a bit! I am the same person, and when I lose another fifty pounds, I will still be the same.

Blah, I love food, love yummy stuff, love cooking it and serving it, yet I also crave feeling good and being able to move! I try to keep most of this to myself so that my kids aren't all messed up about it. I do have one daughter who struggles with some issues, I hope it isn't too much my fault.

One thing that I have recognized that is really neat is this: just because I am tempted to eat something does not mean I have to eat it. I get to choose. It is no one's fault if I overeat, it is not the food's fault for being there. I have the power to say NO.

Anyway, we all have our battles. It makes me really awake to how I relate to my daughters though, I don't want them to have self-esteem issues that seem to plague girls. I know that even though I have lost fifty pounds, I still think I look awful, look in the mirror and see a fat lady. I don't say this to my kids, of course, but I can relate to how they how critical they are of themselves (and they are so beautiful!). So I tell them how lovely they are. I tell them they are beautiful no matter what, they are gorgeous just the way they are. And of course the most important thing: it is the inside that counts, and that inner beauty radiates to the outside! All this other stuff is just fading and passing away. This part doesn't always comfort a twelve year old though!

Anyway anyway anyway...my coffee cup is almost empty, there are things to do and things to clean and straighten, and two sweet little girls to snuggle with and talk to...