As I rested in bed this morning, bright and early, I decided that spotting or not, I would finally just be optimistic about this tiny baby. So...got up, and WHAT!!??, I was really bleeding. Sorry if this is TMI, either I share things or I don't. And I am already in for a penny, so I'm in for a pound.
I walked with Rosie anyway, came back and ate some raisin toast with peanutbutter, read the paper, did some sweeping and cleaning up, a few loads of laundry, gave the princesses their breakfast...and here I am again.
I think I should just reckon with the fact that I am losing this baby. The hardest part is that I saw that beating heart. I am beyond sad, yet I am thankful for the other kids, and for this beautiful day. Maybe later when some bigger kids get up I will go in my room and hibernate for a while and have myself a good cry, but for now, I shall just sit here and watch them set up four dollhouses in the living room, and try to reconcile myself to this loss. And try to remember that God does NOT make mistakes. There is something here to learn, something He wants to teach me. Mercy, maybe?
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14 comments:
Praying for you today!!!
Hi there, I have been reading your blog for a while now, I live in Australia, have two grown children, and in the past two and a half years have lost four precious babies. I was so excited to read of this pregnancy of yours. I hope for a miracle for you, and I send you a heart felt hug. Nicole.
I'm sorry, Della. I'm very sad for you. Hugs and tears...
Aw, Della, I am so sorry. I've been holding on to hope and prayer for you.
Thinking of you. ((HUGS))
Oh man, I am so sorry to read your post today, I was so very happy for you and this chance for another baby. Sending you prayers and love.
Been reading your blog for a week or so now... I have two living children and have miscarried at least once.
I am so sorry about your little one. I wish he or she had gotten to stay with you, grow up, and be another beautiful smiling face in your family. May God grant you peace.
Oh, I hope you are not losing the baby! Every time that I have miscarried the bleeding did not start for a few weeks and it was not until the heart stopped beating. So, since you saw the HB just yesterday, maybe you are bleeding and not losing the baby.
You are so strong to continue to try to think positive thoughts. I hope that you do get to hibernate for awhile, I find that it does help.
Listen to the little man's words:
"You have to have hope." Remember, pregnant until proven wrong....right???
I am thinking of you, please don't give up yet.
I bled a lot with my youngest son, and I worried so that something was wrong. He was fine, and so was I.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Ohh, I am sad with you. No words will help here but know that I AM thinking of you. ((hug))
Crying with you.
Praying for your peace.
Maureen
Oh honey, I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are going out for you.
I'm praying for you! Praying you have a miracle baby in there.
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