faith and the days gone by

8 years ago, when we had just lost baby Robert, our 14th child. Sonja was just learning to walk, and we were camping. Margaret, 6, holding Sonja, 1, then Kathryn, 5, Suzanne 2 and 1/2, and Evelyn, almost 4.
7 years ago
15 years ago this month. Emily was 11, Abigail 9, Benjamin 7, Mirielle 6, Joseph 5, Aaron 3 (cute?), Mali 2, and Sam, one year old, being held by Emily. This was just a few months before Margaret was born.
14 years ago this month. Emily 12, Abigail 10, Benjamin 8, (in the back, then in the middle: Mirielle 7, Joseph 6, Aaron 4, then in front Mali 3, Samuel 2 (wasn't he so cute?), and baby Margaret in front, 8 months old. It was around this time I found out I was pregnant for Kathryn, our tenth child. This baby I am expecting now is due on her birthday in March)
Camille with Evelyn

Suzanne, Sonja, Charlotte Claire, Evelyn, Camille, and my niece Olivia...Suze was the maid, she made brownies in that apron with high heels on. The brownies were so good, I went off the wagon and ate lots. oops.
Samuel James made himself a frappuchino in his favorite mug that Ben gave him. He took this picture, I didn't.
The truck that came to get Ben and Ashley's things was huge. Since I am a nice mom, I let Jon use my camera. He took at least fifteen pictures of it. After a while I realized he was out there in the rain, which was okay, but he only had his undies and shirt on. oops.
Charlotte Claire and Jonathan

Kathryn Grace

Faith. What does it mean? Cinnamon really opened my eyes when she commented and said she would pray for my "worried heart". Yes, we are human, and we are tempted to worry and be scared. But when does, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding?" come in? Is it just a pleasant phrase? When I think back on my years of accepting the children, it wasn't always easy. Relatives sometimes questioned our sanity. I had thoughts come into my own mind more than once like, "What the HECK are we DOING!?" There have been times it has been so absolutely impossibly crazy and hectic, I had to hold on to "JUST THIS MOMENT, I have grace enough for just this..", and really drown out worries about tomorrow. (Today has trials enough, right?) I KNOW that God causes all things to work together for my good, I KNOW that. But our faith has to be tested through trials. Because knowing isn't enough. God is good, He doesn't just throw things at us that are too much. Everything is weighed and measured, He is just and good. I have really been awakened to how much I have given in to anxiety, how I have listened to thoughts of dread and gloom. Does it help in the least? I can justify it be saying I am just protecting myself from getting too disapointed if something goes wrong with the pregnancy, but in reality it is just listening to thoughts of unbelief. God is God, and I need to let Him do His job. My wanting this baby so badly has gotten in the way of being at rest about things.

Now that I have SAID all that, I need to DO it. I called my old dr. yesterday, he doesn't deliver anymore, and asked if I could just come in to see how this pregnancy is going, because the new dr. can't see me for two weeks. He said no. Ha, I think he's rather relieved to be rid of me and my high-risked-ness. I called the new dr. office, and requested they fit me in sometime before two weeks, after all, I am 46 years old, ect. She said they would call me back. That was at 11:30 am. I waited until 2:30, then I walked out the door to go shopping with seven of my daughters, which was so much fun I can't stand it, but that is another story. I left Joseph with the responsibility of telling them my cell number if they called, but didn't hear anything.

So here I am. Still alive, and as far as I know, still pregnant. I haven't had morning sickness, and that concerns me. But I have had that distinct coppery taste in my mouth, and have had moments of queasiness.

I did eat tons of brownies last night. I usually just pass them up, don't even taste them, revel in the aroma...but last night Suze baked them in the muffin cups, they were just the right consistency, and once I had a taste, I finished up Camille's, then I kept wandering in and picking...blah. I was so good all day, then I went and did that.

Our shopping trip: we went into Kohl's because I had a ten dollar off coupon. We went in the Out door because a little girl was holding the door for us. Well, when Marg opened the second door, it opened toward us, and hit Camille's poor little toe, ripping the toenail almost off. Ugh. She was brokenhearted. One of the employees gave us some Bandaids and disinfectant spray, and we let her ride in a stroller-cart, and I bought her a Clifford dog stuffed animal for $5, because she was so good and I felt sorry for her. My other girls are such good shoppers. They don't dare even ask for something if it is over a few bucks, not because I told them so, but because they just KNOW. I got a shirt for Joe, one for Sam, sandals for Charlotte Claire, two shirts for Margaret, one for Kathryn, two for Evelyn, two for Sonja, and the Clifford for $38.

Then to Target...not much in there, but we had fun. We met a mom I know, her son used to hang around with Joseph, she has a little girl who is going to be in Charlotte Claire's class. The way the two of them stood there looking at each other was adorable. It made me feel marginally better about sending her to school.

Price-Chopper...the kids all got bread samples, which I am sure wiped out the supply. They do not care where they are, they just have fun. Margaret brought a fake diamond ring that the lunch lady gave to Suzanne last year when Suze told her that Evelyn tried on one of her rings and I had to break it off with the pipe wrench (sounds more painful than it was, it broke the ring, not her finger)...anyway, Margaret had Kap get on her knees and put the ring on her finger right in the front of the store. I love that they don't think about what people think...

I did brag shamelessly once. The man doing the free grocery give-away sign-up asked if the seven were all mine. I just said Yes. He then said he had four, and he thought THAT was BAD. Well, I said, I actually have ELEVEN daughters, and it isn't BAD at all. Wow, he said, "blended family?" Nope, all ours. Wow, he said. So don't blame me, I HAD to say, "We also have five sons..." Believe me, it was FUN.

Do I get a little credit for not mentioning that we are expecting again?

I haven't told my mother-in-law yet. I am hoping to wait until I get some more concrete evidence, like seeing the heartbeat. We'll see.

And now it is time to go and get some things done on this lazy summer morning.