losing weight

I thought perhaps if I wrote a small post dedicated to this big struggle in my life, it would help me tackle it. This struggle of mine, this fight against the temptations to eat bad things and to stay in bed on chilly mornings instead of traipsing down the road with the Bad Dog...

This morning I had myself 99% convinced that it was a good idea to stay in bed for an extra hour. I turned off that alarm, and snuggled under those covers...but the niggling wouldn't shut up. That niggling is worth millions, and I am thankful for it.

I got up.

It was chilly. But I walked, walked around worms in the road, and two dead baby snakes. I even ran a tiny little bit, down near the woods where no neighbors could laugh their heads off at the fat lady running so slowly....running still scares me, I am afraid I will trip over Rosie, or slip and fall, or hurt my poor knees. So I just run a little bit, but get extremely winded in that little bit.

Eating: blah. I am good, I eat well, healthy stuff. But then I am falling into the rut of eating too much of the snacky extras. I don't touch potato chips or candy bars, but I had chocolate covered raisins again. I shall not purchase them again, I now know they are too delicious. Chocolate chips: I have to get strict again, count them out, leave the room, do not go back for more. I have to be radical if I want to change! I can't just give myself an inch here and an inch there and expect the pounds to fall off. I have to say NO to things I shouldn't have. If I am hungry, there are healthy things to eat, fruits and veggies and yogurt...

Working out: I am being too lazy. I did fifteen minutes of stuff today. I had been shopping all day, I reasoned. I wanted to sit and put my feetsies up, I reasoned. (we did go to Target, BJ's, and Price Chopper....Evelyn and Olivia, who skipped their Environmental Conservation field trip, and Margaret who didn't feel well this morning, and Sonja who wanted to go too...then I actually picked Kathryn up from school from her lunchtime, she was texting on her ipod (someone gave her their old one) that she had a headache and wanted to come with us...I am too nice. We had way too much fun) Anyway, the school skippers and Camille and I walked and shopped and got tired.

Every day has it's share of good excuses. But from here on in I am going to suffer more, deny myself more, and get back in my groove. I was in such a good mindset when I began this journey....if I could bottle up that mindset, it be worth a million dollars a bottle...it is hard to get it back! When I lost the baby, I felt like I was suffering enough, so I let myself have more things. I didn't gain any weight, but I didn't lose any, either. Anyway, I shall get tough again. I really want to just be done with being so heavy so I can do more and feel better.

Once those numbers go down a little more, I am going to start posting my weight, starting weight, ect...but not until they go down a little more. Ha, I am still too embarrassed.

Oh well...it is quiet in here, Rosie and I are the last ones up. And I am tired. If I am going to listen to those niggling thoughts in the morning, I had better get rested up...