ahh, monday again

Paul and I, the princesses on our anniversary. The girls love flowers, and tried talking me into giving them each one.
It WAS cold and snowy just the other day, right?

Monday morning, bright and sunny. Warm. I saw a few robins this morning. Since we set the clocks ahead, blah. It wasn't six forty-five when I got up, it was 5:45, and my body knew it. It didn't help that I stayed up 'til midnight last night.

The scale is mean and unforgiving. I thought it would probably register those donuts, but not this harshly! Jeepers! I gained another pound, I am up three pounds since last week! Time to get really serious, and back on track. Yes, I have been saying this a lot, but now I really mean it. I shall exercise today, and go to the pool.

I read something really encouraging last night as I was cruising the weight loss blogs. Someone said, "remember, the world is not going to change. Your favorite restaurant is still going to serve your favorite food, and it is still going to taste delicious, there will still be parties with cake, ect...but YOU can change." For some reason that really spoke to me. Yes, donuts are good. They always will be. But that doesn't mean they have to go into my mouth. I am not a good consequence person, I have never really learned that if I stay up too late I will be tired tomorrow. That if I eat this now, it will make me fat. I have the knowledge, I know it, but when the rubber meets the road, when the donuts are there, I have all sorts of rationales that really cloud the truth. It is really and truly a MENTAL battle.

Here's what made me cry already this morning: girl drama before school, trying to deal with things and one of them is upset, I could have handled things better, felt bad, said something to Paul, he questioned why I was even discussing this stuff right now...and I felt terrible, like it is always me....but there is truth in that, it is only me that I can be really responsible for, as in the dieting thing, I cannot change anyone else...but it hurts to know I could have said things nicer, could have handled things better, and they are off at school...blah. Then I picked up the paper and read about the Army Staff Sergeant who killed all the Afghanistan civilians, from the same place Ben is stationed, probably right where he is going in just a few weeks...hopefully it isn't like a hornet's nest has been disturbed over there, it just scares the H out of me, as Aaron would say. I feel bad for the civilians' families, I feel bad for the soldier who obviously flipped out (but who knows what he has been through? Has he lived through his buddies getting killed?), but I mostly fear for Ben and their whole battalion of innocent guys heading over there in such an angry atmosphere. This war has not "wound down", those Taliban hate us just as much as they ever have, now even more. And I won't say any more. I will be strong for Benjamin, and I will give this whole thing over to God, and pray to trust Him and be at rest...but I did cry about this this morning.

Sometimes I just want to run away from this whole job of being a mom. Not because I don't love my kids, but because there is so much pressure all the time, so much to remember, so much to do, and of course the 94.5% of good things I do go unnoticed, but when I mess up or forget something that 5.5% of the time, blah. Here's the thing: I hate getting offended when a teenager answers me snottily. I hate being irritated by messes and spills and noise and those little fights they have between them. But this is life, and if it wasn't having a house full of kids, it would be something else. It is written in First Corinthinians 10 that, "no temptation has overtaken you than such as is common to man.." So we ALL have our battles, our things that we get sick and tired of. There is no choice but to pray more, endure to the end, pray for wisdom. It is called the good FIGHT of faith for a reason, it is no walk in the park. But Jesus overcame when He was tempted, therefore so can I.

So I shall not let my heart grow weary of doing good, no matter that it goes unnoticed. It is God I serve! I can start thinking that I have humbled myself enough, but is there a limit on that? Can't I always do it more?

Oh, life is never dull. Charlotte Claire skipped out on kindergarten this morning, she has a tummy ache, she says. More like she is so tired she can't see straight, but nonetheless, she is home. Then Sonja K. fell asleep on the livingroom floor as she got ready for school, or rather as she DIDN'T get ready for school. I tried to get her moving, and she proclaimed how much HER tummy hurt, and her head...blah. Not that I don't want her around, I love having her home, but she is also just tired, and I wish she had gone. This time change is harsh.

The sun is shining, but later when it clouds over I will be thinking of naps. But, this afternoon I am going to the pool. It is better than naps. ha, that is funny, but in the long run, it is. Okay, I still don't really believe that, but I know it is right.

And, lest I forget, a huge thank you for kind words and prayers for Benjamin. It really means so much to me. When I sit here and write, it helps me so much to see things more clearly, sort out my thoughts...and then when I get kinds comments, it helps all the more! Thank you!!!