today is one of those days...

It is cloudy and overcast, and it will rain soon. I let too many kids stay home from school again today for various reasons, and I just don't even care who doesn't like it. Charlotte Claire fell asleep in the van on the way home from our adventures yesterday, she is so little and this Going To School thing is just too tiring for her if she goes every day. She has also been very moody, and I want to spend time with her.

Suze and Sonja K. both had tummy aches last night, and I suspect both of them had too much fun yesterday and didn't want to end it...Jonathan would have been the only one going on second trip, so I simply asked him if he wanted to stay home. He did, big surprise. He is such a good kid, he would have gone if I had insisted. Char is still sleeping.

Today is Mali Rose's 18th birthday. She was born the day before our tenth wedding anniversary, and she is our seventh child. Emily was nine years old when she was born, Abigail 7, Benjamin 5, Mirielle 4, Joseph 2, and Aaron was fifteen months. Our anniversary celebration was a dinner that the hospital provided for new parents. The nurses took care of Mali while we ate one of our only uninterrupted meals of our lives, ha. I just remember sitting there with Paul thinking, "we have seven kids." It seemed so unbelievable.

Of course I was only 28.

Back then, I could actually keep my whole house clean, too. Ha, what happened to me?

Today is one of those days...I feel like crying. Maybe about my brother Billy, maybe about Ben deploying (I talked to him last night and realized that in just a few weeks or so I won't be able just to talk to him anytime like I can now...), maybe because when I stepped on the scale this morning, expecting to see a slight loss and I was a whole pound heavier....blah!!! Now - I do not really feel sorry for myself, but I do have a whole slew of temptations this morning. One of my teenagers, "MOMed" me this morning, Mirielle was not happy that I used her frozen water bottle on Camille's owie bump from falling out of the computer chair last week, and never put it back, now she is without an icepack for her lunch, oops. I just feel like crying and going back to bed. (the water bottle was a bad idea anyway, she had it in a washcloth so it wasn't too cold, and it slipped out and landed THUD right on her owie toe, the one with the totally broken toenail that ripped off when the Kohl's door hit it last summer....)

Tomorrow is our anniversary, Paul's and mine. 28 years. I had to ask Emily how old she was the other day, that's how I keep track of how many years we have been married. She is 27. I have been married for more than half my life, and have know Paul for almost 2/3 of my life.

I read the book, "The Hunger Games", because so many of my girls have read it, and are counting the days until the movie comes out. I actually liked it, it was well written, though rather gruesome. There is a second book, and a third...

Food. My whole life seems wrapped around that one word. Making sure there is enough of it for everyone all the time, buying it, cooking it, serving it, and trying not to eat too much of it. Dinner is the biggest trial of my day. When there are 15 people coming to the table, I can't just decide at the last minute to throw in a pizza. There are never enough leftovers from one meal to serve for another, especially because so many people from here bring leftovers for their next day lunches. I hesitate to complain about it because I am so totally thankful that we have enough to eat, and the resources to buy good healthy food to feed the family. It is just that dinner comes every single day!! And there is a saying, "you can please some of the people some of the time..." there is always one or two who aren't thrilled about what we're having, which is of course just too bad, but...as a Mom, I like to make everyone happy. And so many of us want to eat healthy, we could survive on salad and chicken every meal, but I like to give some variety to the kids.

So yes, Benjamin's upcoming deployment is weighing on me. The front page story in this morning's paper was about a local boy who lost his legs in Afghanistan, stepped on an IED. That was another one of my Feel Like Crying triggers. I guess it isn't just that I am worried something terrible will happen to him, it is that I know he will be suffering in other ways, and come on! I am his Mama, it is hard for my poor soul to think of my son being in such circumstances! He is going to see things, as a medic, and it will not be easy for him. He said he is allowed to bring what he can carry, but his packs are already pretty full. So you can be sure that as soon as I get his address, I will be sending sunscreen and SlimJims and the kind of lip stuff that comes in the tube, and lots of it, because I'm sure there are guys who won't get any packages, and Ben likes to share.

Today is a good day to go to BJ's. I have five kids to "help" me, ha. They like to go through the Self Check-out, to the joy of the poor customers behind us. It is like playing store for real! They get to scan stuff, and put it in the cart...and yes, I stand there and let them. And I smile at the people behind me...they just huff and switch lanes. Or, they are nice people and they smile back and enjoy the kids enjoying themselves. Or, they are nice people who are in a hurry, and can't believe how much stuff we are buying. Then I pull out the coupons...