I know it gets old, but it is very strange for me still to have small amounts of people here for meals....there were six children and two parents. We only took up one of the tables! It was so much simpler, that we sort of celebrated. I actually fried the food, a rarity....onion rings, curly fries, chicken nuggets....I didn't fry the baby carrots, or the large salads I made for Suzanne, Paul, and I.
Evelyn and Sonja made a chocolate marble bundt cake this afternoon, I made a chocolate peanutbutter glaze for it....I WAS going to say "no-thank you" to a piece, I really was...but Camille wanted some and it was easier for me to share a piece with her than put her up to the table then clean her up and everything..and then she really didn't want much...so, I had some cake. Yummy.
It was a strange day, so quiet except for when Jon and the two little girls got silly and went beserk. We went outside and I watched Jonathan ride his bike in the road for a bit. I watch for a car, just in case he doesn't see it, and he pulls over and waits for it to go by...it was uneventful, not a single car went by.....Charlotte Claire and Camille climbed up to the trampoline, but I didn't think that was such a good idea....I played fetch with Rosie, I clipped her a bit and brushed her out...
Abigail is a nice big sister. She stopped over this evening after work and just tucked Jonathan and Charlotte Claire in. Emily is also a nice big sister. She took Suzanne and Sonja home with her to her apartment to spend the night.
Thoughts and feelings....I do not write on here as much as I would if this were anonymous, but sometimes I truly feel avalanches of the old POOR ME feelings. I am learning not to entertain them at all, just stand firm and resist, but they still knock on my door occasionally. There is just something so alive in me that wants to be treated well and be appreciated, and when I sense otherwise, oh dear me. Nobodylikes me everybodyhates me, I'm going to eat some worms....
Well, I had more to say about that....about how then it is the next illogical step to be rude in return to those who I sense are not being nice enough to me, and there lies the downward spiral....but thanks be to God that I can be awake to such things!
Miss Rosie is very rudely barking and pacing, and there are no boys here to take her out for me, the girls won't do it...so off I go to see what a nice night it is out there....
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2 comments:
I really struggle with those feelings too. I hate them--truly. It is my greatest desire to always be more willing to give of myself than to recieve and not to care who gets the credit for stuff. I don't want to be so harried that I get mad when one of the kids climbs on something she shouldn't and breaks something that is far less valuable than she is. It's a work in progress. Can I just say--it does make me feel better that a super Mom like you still struggles with such things. I'll say a prayer for you and you can say a prayer for me.
Thanks, Bonnie. I will say a prayer for you!
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