sunny thursday.

All of the kids went to school except for Suzanne Eleanor. She says her tummy hurts. She also shattered her big toe nail last night, and was hesitant to go to school, afraid someone will step on her toe.

Yesterday I cleaned my kitchen. I used SoftScrub cleanser with bleach, and I am not getting a penny to say I love that stuff. It cleans the counters so nicely. It looked pretty darned spiffy in my kitchen. Shiny toaster and water faucet and sinks, which were both empty. Then life kept happening. Eight kids came home from school starving. Then for dinner I made baked chicken with Panko breading, and used a pan for flour, a bowl for eggs, and a pan for the breading. I made baked Basmati rice (as long as I am already turning on the oven, I have discovered that baking the rice in a foil covered glass pan (or two) is way easier than messing with it on the stovetop.) We also had green beans and some corn. And Mirielle made rice krispy treats for Sonja for snack, better late than never, I hope. Anyway...getting the kitchen clean is nice, but keeping it clean is where the battle lies.

Then of course there is the morning rush. Joseph had class this morning, he made eggs. Someone else made oatmeal. Some had yogurt. Some had cereal. They MOSTLY clean up. Mostly.

I am not feeling quite as miserable today. Yesterday, I made myself excercise for 20 minutes. I actually felt a little bit better after that. Then I went on my walk when the kids got home from school. It was chilly and rainy, but I don't care. I left Rosie home this time. And felt guilty about it. But it was nice to just walk at my own pace without having my arm yanked off, or stopping every few minutes while she smelled something wonderful.

I am excited about this weekend. Paul's birthday is Saturday, and Emily is coming over. He says he doesn't want anything for his birthday. I have always felt funny about buying him presents with his own money anyway. And what could I possibly buy him, he has me, everthing he could wish for. ha. He has a sauna, a beautiful six person sauna, in Mali and Kathryn's room. It was disconnected when we put the hot tub in, the hot tub which needs a pipe replaced. So now we have a sauna, which he likes that doesn't work, and a hot tub that I like that doesn't work. blah.

But he did install that new hot water heater. Hot water is something you don't just take for granted, at least for the first few days, after struggling with cold and lukewarm for a few weeks.

My little girls like baths. Yesterday, they stayed in the tub for an hour and a half. I kept asking them if they wanted to get out, and checking to see if the water was still warm enough, but they wanted to play with their Barbies in the water. I finally said they HAD to get out, and wrapped them in warm robes and got out my electric blanket. We cuddled in my chair and looked at Barbies on ebay. (If I ever realized through the years how much all those Barbies I had bought would be worth if I had saved them.....)

So today is Day #9 of Suffering and Excercising. But shh, I don't really mind! Okay, when confronted with something like donuts, I DO mind, but generally, I am enjoying the challenge. And I am filled with hope for a more healthy future. ha, that sounds like I have been watching too many commercials. Just think though, I am going to ride a bike again! Isn't that worth more than having seconds? I am motivated. I know there are going to be days when I won't really FEEL determined, but I will battle those days when I come to them. Like yesterday, I suppose. There seems to be this dark cloud of doubt in my periphery. This little hint of..."HA, this will NEVER work! People lose weight and gain it all back! You will hit a plateau. You will get sick and tired of denying yourself and be bigger than ever." I know people have tried and failed. I know people have gained weight back. I know it is a huge thing I have undertaken. But if I am going to listen to those thoughts, I may as well not even try. As far as I am concerned, this whole thing is a battle of the mind. My body can fuss and rebel and whine all it wants, but I am the boss of it.

God gives grace to the humble. I am not proud of myself for taking this on, no I am thankful that I went to the dr. when I did, and thankful that so far my knees have held out for me. I am glad for the time I am able to leave and go for the walks, and that we are able to have fruits and veggies here. I am praying for His mercy on me, that I can suceed in this. (wait, to be totally honest, I am a little bit proud of myself...)

Have I mentioned lately how much I like having Mrs. Ashley living here with us? She is such a sweet girl. She gave Evelyn some earbuds because she had another pair, and Ev needed some, instead of holding on to them in case she needs them later. She is kind and thoughtful. And thankful. And - bonus: she likes Rosie! When she comes in from work, Charlotte Claire and Camille run into her arms, and Rosie goes absolutely nuts. She wags not only her tail, but her whole body.

Benjamin is doing well in his Medic training. He has passed all of the tests so far. He says medics are needed right now. He says the units try to protect their medics. He is being hopeful of course, and that is necessary. This morning I read the paper, and there was a picture of four Army soldiers carrying a casket at the Dover Del. base. A 26 year old Sargeant, victim of "small arms fire". Afghanistan. He was from New York state. I cried my eyes out for him and for his buddies, and his family. blah. Do I have to stop reading the paper? But as I like to tell Benjamin, he is still in training, today has enough worries for itself, we will jump off other bridges when we come to them. Or rather cross them when we come to them.

It is very cold here in New York state. 34 degrees. But it was much colder last night. Today it shall warm up into the fifties, with partial sunshine, yay! Tomorrow looks decent too. The sun certainly is welcome here!

Yesterday I forgot to pick Mali up from track practice. oops. She called like a half hour after I was supposed to be there. Joseph didn't have to brush his long tangly hair or change out of Around The House clothes, so he went to get her for me. sorry, mali! It was cold and rainy and she had a sore muscle and was hungry...oh, BAD Mom. I KNEW I had to go get her, I just got so involved in dipping the chicken breast in flour and then in egg then in the crumbs....blah.

Sonja went out the door with her snack (2 days late), and Jonathan brought oranges in for his class. I feel a little bit competent today. Aaron has to go in for his pre-op visit this afternoon for his nose surgery. I need to get a gift for my niece's wedding shower which is on Sunday. I need to take some dvds back to the library. I already owe ten dollars to the library system in the next county, I don't want to rack up fines here at the library in town, too.

I have things to do! I am procrastinating again! Some clear signs of that are when I write paragraph after paragraph of these boring little details with no rhyme or reason. sorry....!