friday!!

Camille fell off her bottom bunk and slept on the floor, again. I like to stack a folded blanket and some pillows next to her so she stays put, but she doesn't think that, "looks pretty". By looking at her messy room, one would never know she was concerned about how things look.

She woke up yesterday morning, ran out here and announced that she had a dream about God. "He gave me a big hug and told me to be good and He had funny red clothes on."

Sonja K. missed the bus this morning, poor girl. She had been trying to convince me that she should stay home. She had a pool party yesterday, her suit was still wet and she has swimming in gym today. Her other suit has "spots" on it, she says. She is also tired, she says. So the bus came along, she had not put her socks on yet, she hadn't brushed her teeth...so like all good girls who are happy to be home from school, she is getting me some more coffee.

I am not happy about my weight loss, or rather Lack of Weight Loss. I seem to be losing and gaining the same few pounds. Perhaps I need to cut out "tastes", work out more, get on the treadmill...but BLAH!!! I eat way way less than I did before I started this, it is NOT FAIR! But the only way for me is to stick with it, I can't just give up, for my health's sake alone, not to mention how nice it is to be a few sizes smaller. My only option is to go forward, I am NOT giving up, but honestly, I have tears streaming down my face as I write this because I am sick and tired of no progress, and am scared of gaining all my weight back, and sometimes I just feel like I can't pull myself up by the bootstraps one more day. I mean, there are fresh baked chocolate chip cookies out in that kitchen! I baggied (love verbing those nouns!)them all up this morning so they are a little more un-grabbable. (is that even a word?) I am getting tired of telling myself that it is only today, not to worry about tomorrow, forget about yesterday. I just want to cry and feel sorry for myself and eat ice cream like a normal person, have a few cookies with this coffee that Sonja brought me. wah. Ha, I feel better already, venting on here is better than therapy, and much cheaper.

Yesterday....Kathryn still has headaches every day and the meds the dr. prescribed weren't working, so we switched. Hopefully these will work. We went to Walmart to fill the prescriptions, and I might say: never again. 45 minutes, the nice girl said. After an hour of wandering around slowly filling the cart with things we really needed, we went to pick up the medicine. Not ready, we were told, at least another 20 minutes. "You can come back later, we are open 'til 8.", the nice girl said. ha. I live fifteen miles away, I cannot just Come Back Later. She repeated it wouldn't be ready for at least 20 minutes, "okay?", she said...I said, "No, it is not okay." Then realized quickly it was not her fault. I was extra nice to her when I came back later to pick it up, knowing I shouldn't have taken it out on her. but blah!!! Who wants to spend a nice sunny afternoon in Walmart? If I knew it would take an hour and a half to begin with, I could have left and come back, or gotten it today instead. rrr.

I did buy myself two new $3 shirts. After years of wearing big sizes, I was happy to choose these in regular Large, and have them fit. They are not gorgeous, but they are new and neat and hey, three bucks each. It is amazing what one can buy when one wanders around in that store for all that time. We bought some more Valentines for the kids' school parties (not too long ago we made them all...I remember having four kids in elementary school and having to cut out 80-something hearts...) We looked in the jewelry case, because I really want to replace the wedding band that fell off and disapeared, I am tired of getting hit on, ha. Guys just look at my empty finger, and jeez! Okay, kidding, but I do tell Paul that every once in a while. He must not believe me because he certainly hasn't gone out of his way to stop at the jewelery store on his way home from work. Anyway, I want to get a plain gold band to replace the one I lost, which was also from Walmart, since I had my original one cut off during one of the pregnancies years ago...and don't ask about the gorgeous antique ruby/diamond engagement ring that I accidentally threw away in an old purse, my mother-in-law doesn't know about that yet, and when she asks, uh-oh...she gave it to me, it was her great great relative's ring, who got married in 1886. It WAS really pretty, now it graces a landfill somewhere. ouch.

Anyway, here I sit. Kitty Kitten is visiting me with her motor running, she is so sweet, then she will just bite your face. She keeps me laughing with her little stunts though.

I have to be out of here before nine in the morning for the basketball game at the Dome. I don't mind working, but I would like to sleep in. ha, Rosie wouldn't let me anyway. Paul is working too, which is fun. One thing I can be very thankful for is that we...well, we still have that spark. And since my kids read this, enough about that.

(I will say this though: if you are married, and it is getting old or dull or stale or boring, do not just let it stay that way. You are wasting time. You can be having it so good together! I never ever thought that being married for almost 28 years could/would be so yummy! If you have issues, get through them, forgive and forget and enjoy each other! And that is all I will say lest my kids kill me!)

I was gone most of yesterday, and the day before, so the house reflects that. It isn't terrible, wait, yes it is. It COULD be worse, of course. Rosie did get a bath yesterday. Martha, I would love a visit...how do you feel about having to move Barbies and jammies and the box of tissues off the couch to sit down? And should you wander to the bathroom, would it bother you if there were ten wet Barbies on the floor? Toothpaste on the counter? If I have sufficient notice, I will run around here like crazy and clean things up...but if you drop in, I will die a million deaths, yet I will live. I would love to have a visit.

Seems like no one ever drops by when it is all neat and tidy, but then...it is more likely not to be neat and tidy, so that makes sense.

So...today I will stay out of the cookies even though it seems like it won't do any good, I will exercise a bit harder and stay out of the bag of chocolate chips. I will not have Tastes of Bad Things. I will see this thing through, and stop feeling sorry for myself.