healing.....

Aaron across from his cousin and very good friend, Audrey....

Sonja K.... Joseph

Charlotte Claire

Suzanne Eleanor
Mali holding Camille.....it was nice she got her to sleep....Camille took a bit of a nap in Mali's arms....

Jonathan, not surrounded by girls for once....with his cousin....my baby brother's son....

Paul....and that handsome guy in the background is my brother, Bob.

My sister Cheryl's daughter, Janet, holding Camille

Evelyn Joy

Mali....

I was sort of trying out my new camera. I can now return Abigail's to her. Thank you, Paul, for the anniversary gift.

For my brother, we decided not to do any services. We instead had a "remember him with us", very informal, at a pizza restaurant. It was a very nice warm cozy place. We had some picture boards set up, and some albums of picture. We also passed around a book for people to write their memories of him in. He had 48 nieces and nephews, and 4 great nieces and nephews. Most of them were there. They, by the way, had a very nice time together. There was a buffet set up for the whole 4 hours we were there, with salad, Italian bread, all different kinds of pizza, and some wonderful chicken wings.

It was comforting to see all the people who knew Billy. To hear how nice of a guy he was. To be greeted and hugged. It is a start, I guess...

The thing about Billy, he was endeared to the children. He understood them, and loved them. Not that he was really mushy or anything, no, he was actually quite a tease. But he KNEW them, and paid attention to them.

Now that the "services" are over, I want life to go back to normal. But it can't. I am still so distraught. I had to get the kids up, like life was okay, and send them to school. And I have to deal with backed up laundry.....several sets of bedding, whites, lights, darks, towels....you name it. And the little messes that pile up here and there, when no one is looking. And, ha, just last week I was thinking I could really be all caught up, and it would be so nice in here. Part of me just plain doesn't care. What's the use. But then, I still need to make it nice for my husband, and for my kids, even though it seems that my heart isn't in it. That is love. To do when you don't want to do.

The poor kids had to go to school today, to the comments and questions that are inevitable when you live in a small community. The fact that I told my younger kids that his death was accidental, that he was protecting the chickens from coyotes.....is something that will surely be challenged.....but how can children possibly deal with the realities of something so horrible? When we adults cannot even fathom it?

Well, life goes on, minute by minute. I am just going to take things one at a time.