From where does this come, this spirit of "poor me"? Is it a culmination of the thoughts that I have thought that just comes to a head once in a while? hmm. I don't like to think so, but....
This morning, I woke up in a very good mood. After all, it is summer vacation, and Paul has today and the next few days off from work....and since we were supposed to be camping this week and aren't, I thought that it would be vacation-y these days....I was feeling adventurous....then Paul said he had to go run some errands.....apparently in India, they have this thing called Malaria, and he has to get some medicine to take, even though he has had immunizations...and he needs new sneakers, and some rain gear....so off he went. He took Mr. Jonathan with him. Then Emily came over and took Aaron, Mali, Samuel, Margaret, Evelyn, Suzanne, and Sonja on an adventure, to hike in a waterfalls. Kathryn spent the night last night with a friend, they were also going hiking to a different waterfalls. So I am here with Joseph, who has been playing the piano and the guitar and having a good old time, and the two little girls.
The pity party was because....everyone had something to do but me...so I thought maybe I would take the little ones somewhere....then Paul told me that Thomas is coming for dinner. My sister's son-in-law, my niece's husband, our friend. I love Thomas, and that is fine that he is coming for dinner, more than fine, it will be fun...but it also means I have to clean up and prepare a proper company dinner.....okay, I can do that. THEN...he gets a call from his mother, right before he went out the door...I heard him tell her that SURE, she can come over...HE wouldn't be here, but of course I would be....rrr. Now, I also love his mother, but....this meant I had to clean up right now! I really started feeling sorry for myself...they all left me with a mess....and if I just leave it a mess, it is all a reflection on me, and it isn't fair. I don't FEEL like shining the handprints off the refridgerator AGAIN. I don't FEEL like being stuck with the dishwasher. I really am sick and tired of not making decisions about what I want to do. It isn't fair!!! And so on. But of course I cannot think thoughts like this without that nudging of the Spirit, telling me it ain't really so...telling me that I have alot to be thankful for, and to be careful not to go in that direction of POOR ME......So I decided to just knock it off. To really just take it right and be glad for today. I did joke with my sister-in-law, Kim, on the phone, because I felt better talking to her, she had a horrible morning! She had one of those pounding headaches...and somehow when someone else has had a worse day than me.....the truth is, it did feel good to talk to her. We all have our trials, and it is fun sometimes to sort of complain about our lot in life, but God knows what we need. When I stray from believing that, I am in dangerous territory. I could go off the deep end, I know I could. No matter what our lives are like, we can be discontent and complain-y if we let ourselves. I don't want to be a witch with a capital "B". I want to be faithful in each little thing!!!
So...I had a nice visit with my mother-in-law! She just got back from visiting her brother in Alabama. She told me a story....
A while back, her brother's wife was dying. She was scared. So he told her a story......and she wasn't scared anymore...here is the story...
Her brother, Paul, was in the AirForce during World War II. He flew in the B29 as a weather pilot, from Guam to some other island to Japan. One particular day, they flew right into a terrible storm. The plane's instruments failed, and they were terrified. He cried out to God, and suddenly there was a bright white light that they followed....right out of the storm. The plane's instruments started working again. He knows God heard him and answered....
So it was a very pleasant visit, and I am ashamed that I dreaded it so much. The two little girls were so happy to see her, they colored pictures for her and hugged her and told her they like her watch and jumped around a little bit for her.....
Now Paul is home with Jonathan.....
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5 comments:
Sorry you had a rough day at first but I'm glad things went well with your mother in law.
This is the exact spot I was in last weekend. I'm glad you ended up having a good visit.
I love your real life stories. I struggle this way too and also feel the tap of God's finger on my shoulder. I am truly blessed and I know it. Unfortunately, I am also forgetful.
Hi Vicki, it's nice to see you here! (Vicki has been my blog friend for a few years now.)
Hi Vicki, nice to meet you!
This sounds so familiar! I get the same thoughts...cleaning up everyone else's messes, always having to do quick, last minute cleanups if visitors come 'cause of the reflection on me if it's a mess... Kinda silly 'cause I'm sure every single mom on this universe knows that you probably had it clean 3 hrs ago and this is just life with lots of kids (except my mother-in-law...seriously, she forgets what it is like to have lots kids in a small house and tries to tell my hubby that she can tell the corners aren't clean in our house, even if the rest of it is..and that at least she got to her corners...argh!). I like to read how you deal with it because it helps me remember to quit the inner grumblings. I don't succeed as well as you. My logic always kicks in, I am just such of a logical gal! I think, "I know I shouldn't gripe but it just really ISN'T right or fair." Sigh. I need to work on this!
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