a new day....

Thank you Shel for the idea regarding PetSmart adoption events. I am going to call our local store today and find out about it...it is supposed to be this weekend, starting tomorrow. It sounds promising. The thing is, in all this, I know getting a puppy/dog is sort of pacifying myself. When I was supposedly miscarrying Camille, I had those two little kittens, who are now big silly cats, to snuggle with. They would both climb right up under my chin and purr....then of course I found out I WAS pregnant all along....that was bliss. Mother's day, two kittens, all the kids, and like 14 weeks pregnant for a baby I thought I had lost....

Yesterday I went to the dr., but did not even see the dr. I did a pregnancy test that was still strongly postitive, so they sent me to the lab for bloodwork. I will go back in on Friday for another draw, so they can see if my hormone levels are dropping. I was not surprised that the test was still positive, after all, I have not really started bleeding yet. But since yesterday, I have started a bit. Now, ignorance is bliss. But since this situation is so similar to Camille's pregnancy, that I cannot help be a bit hopeful. Which is bad, because the chances are pretty slim....I need to deal, and get on with life....but what if those levels are rising, and the baby is growing, and I am just plain spotting alot? I actually feel quite crampy right now, but then I did with Camille too...see, if that hadn't happen, I would not be feeling that spark of hope....but believe me, it is just a spark....and I won't get the results until Monday. So, I need a puppy in the mean time, don't I? (what exactly does "mean time" mean, anyway?)

Today is Jonathan Robert's 5th birthday....yay!!! I am thinking of bringing him to Walmart today to get a bike. He learned to ride last summer when he was a little four year old, and his bike is very small, 12 inch wheels, and it is pretty and pink. He really wants a boy bike, which does not make sense to me, considering he has two younger sisters.

Having Jonathan was one of the biggest blessings of my life. Consider this: the previous June, I went in for a regular check-up, I was 26 weeks along, expecting a baby boy. I HAD noticed a decrease in kicking, but the baby was still moving around alot, I thought...then there was no heartbeat with the doppler....the midwife was very calm, and suggested a sono, and stupid me did not get it yet. Grace, I guess....so, the sono: she looked for a minute, then went for the dr.....by then I started really getting it. He said, "I'm sorry, but your baby is gone..." I turned completely to jelly. Absolute shock. It was a Friday afternoon. He said to come in Monday morning.....to be induced.....but enough about this....it was difficult, to say the least. I wouldn't wish it on anyone in the world. Robert William, June 16, 2003. The thing is, I was pregnant again within 6 weeks, because Jonathan Robert was born April 30th, 2004. He was just surrounded by thankful loving parents and siblings, and cousins from the start. His little cousin Grace has loved him since she visited him in the hospital, when she was only 17 months old. His birth was interesting: I was in labor for a long time, then go stuck at like 7 centimeters....a little pitocin, and he was born in a very short time....he was beautiful right from the start.

Being nestled among seven of his 11 sisters, (5 immediately older, and two younger) Mr. Jonny is as good at playing house, and being the mommy, as he is at playing with his trucks. He has a real affinity for all tractors, cars, buses and planes, but he also likes "High School Musical" and "Hannah Montana"....

Well, Camille has been sleeping through the night lately. I haven't nursed her in days. I think I feel that as a loss, too. I wouldn't have chosen to wean her yet if I knew I would lose the baby.

When I look around me and count my blessings I know I have nothing to complain about. And I do sincerely believe that God sends things for my very best.

Last night, all the older kids were gone, the kitchen was a mess from the nice dinner Mirielle had prepared, I was tired....then Paul came home late, and we tried to talk a little. Ha. The kids kept interjecting every 30 seconds, or someone would walk into the room and start to tell Daddy something....at one point, I asked Evelyn to just let Daddy and I talk a bit, and she stomped off. 9 years old, and she stomped off. Great. Anyway, we gave up after a bit, and I called all the kids to the table for cookies and milk. They drank over a half gallon of milk, and hundreds of Oreos. Not really. I let Camille have milk in a mug (mugs are harder to tip than cups), but I held it for her. It is a good way to hear about their day, to sit at the table with them like that. Kathryn told us about Swine flu, and how the pres. shook hands with someone who died of it the next day.....and Suze told us how it came to be, from birds to pigs to people, or whatever....and they told me about washing hands and not spreading germs....and I told them that our pediatrician told my sister-in-law that he had as much chance of getting hit by a car as getting the Swine flu. Why does the school panic my children? Learning germ prevention is good, I guess, but don't scare them so.

Obviously, I have the gift of gab this morning...just be thankful you aren't on the phone with me...by now you would be making up every excuse in the book to hang up with me....what, you have to go?