how much do I say?

My numbers were quite high from the blood test on Wed., I called yesterday...so then I went in to get a second test done...I got a call this morning from the dr. office, my numbers were still high...I got excited, but the numbers from Friday were lower than Wednesday, so....no baby. And, the dr. was concerned that I may have an etopic pregnancy, since the hormone levels were still so high....so, I had to go in for a sonogram while the rest of the family headed out to the conference....

The sonogram showed the pregnancy was in the uterus, which was good, no etopic pregnancy. I had started to bleed a bit by then, and the dr said the next few days would be rough....well, I thought I could go out to the conference and I would be all right for a while....it WAS nice to see my friends, and I did get to hear most of a meeting....but I was feeling awful, and crampier by the hour....I wish I had left earlier...I will spare the details, but I won't be leaving the house for a few days. I had to be completely honest with Evelyn, 9, and Kathryn, 11, because they are concerned and don't know why I am "sick"......they took it pretty well. I told them it is natural, and not as painful or scary as it sounds (am I a liar or what???).....Kathryn just listened to me, and said, "Oh, like a period..." I guess when you have 5 older sisters, you know these things.

So, (this is so strange to be writing about such personal things)....I am sort of relieved to be getting things started, so I can get it over with, but it is also pretty sad. But oh my goodness, the cuddly kids I already have....Charlotte Claire is turning 3 next week, and today I asked her how old she is going to be....."Segen!" No, you are not going to be seven. How old are you going to be? "Five!", she yelled as she held up 10 fingers....(she counts like her mother)

Tomorrow is Sonja's birthday....what a memorable birth story I have for her....I don't remember the full details, but I know I had some pitocin augmentation near the end of the labor, and some Stadol to go with it. Stadol does not take the pain away, but it makes it so the pain seems to be happening to someone else. It is wonderful, and when I have had it I have thought, "THIS is why people do drugs..." Anyway, my sister came to visit me during my labor....she wanted to see the baby right after she was born....and she had like six girls with her...some of hers, one of my brother's, and one of mine. Well, Sonja moved right down like a dream, and I felt like I was in a dream, and then, wow, it was time to push her out, which I did in like one or two pushes....just like magic....my sister and the girls were standing over on the side of the room, and they thought it looked pretty easy. Which it was. I did not care at all if they were they were there at that point, in fact I was glad of it....then Sonja was born, and she cried....and they all got to hold her first.....they were pretty impressed, and I sincerely enjoyed sharing the experience with them....

Well, Sonja and Jon are good kids, and they are fine that they have to wait 'til next week to have their party....I will probably be fine by then.