monday morning.....

Mirielle starts college for the semester today. Emily is working. Abigail has an interview today. And today is a huge game for the local college basketball team, the Syracuse Orangemen. Paul, Emily, Abigail, Mirielle, Joseph, and Aaron are all working at the Carrier Dome, at the concession fundraiser for church. So I am sort of on my own with the younger ones on this rainy gloomy day. Dinner will be with eleven of them, and without Paul. Why does that seem gloomy? I'm sure it will be fine.

But today is just one of those days. I brought Rosie out for her morning walk, in the pouring rain, which was fine by her. In the driveway, I spotted something small and rectangular and silver: Benjamin's Ipod. Rats. Right in a puddle of water. It does not work, and Aaron informed me that I should not have tried it, because I probably fried it...oops. Oops. I just feel like crying for poor Benjamin. It is owlwater soup. So now I will tell a story about that, owlwater soup: It is a book written by Arnold Lobel, it is called, "Owl At Home".....five chapters, one called, "Tearwater Tea".....Owl thinks of sad things, like sunrises no one woke up to see and chairs with broken legs, pencils too short to use, mashed potatoes left on a plate, and spoons that have fallen behind the stove....he cries at these things, right into his teapot. Then he has tearwater tea. So in our house, whenever anything is sad, we say, "That's tearwater tea!", but my mother, who always got things wrong, used to say, "That's owlwater soup!"......

Sometimes in a family, being the mom, I know things that trouble my children....and I cannot always discuss them here, of course, but it tends to drag my heart down. I keep thinking of the verse this morning, "Let not your heart be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in me"....John 14, v 1. But the thoughts of doom and gloom can come. I am tempted to darkness and discouragement. Because bad things DO happen. Cancer, car accidents, , snares of this world. What if Paul loses his job? What if? The sword of Damocles can hang heavily over my head. But that is no way to live. I cannot help it that those thoughts come, but I need to stand firm and resist! TODAY is the day of salvation, tomorrow is none of my business.

Camille got out of her little green bed this morning, took off her nice warm jammies, and put on a short sleeved butterfly shirt. She loves butterflies. I changed her diaper and put some pants on her, but she will not take off that shirt. Charlotte Claire has on some Halloween pajamas with huge orange and black polkadots, she looks hilarious. Abigail went to Applebees with a few of her friends last night and brought home some balloons, the little girls are in heaven. (Ab said they were closing and popping the balloons, so she took a few....where do my kids GET this?)

I just realized that the girls are playing in Charlotte Claire's room, and here I am watching, "Dinosaur Train"....I turned it off, and it is quiet except for the rain. But it is not relaxing, because those girls get out all the clothes and trash that room so fast....90% of the time they just play dollies nicely, it is the dread of the other 10% of the time that keeps me from relaxing. The other day they washed their hands in A&D ointment....

I actually like the dark chilly rainy weather. It is cozy in here. One problem though: I am out of bagels, have less than a gallon of milk, only a few pull-ups, which I thought were a stupid waste of money and I still do, but a few of the kids use them at night, or I have to wash tons of bedding....and if I go shopping, all my older kids are busy....not that I couldn't just bring the two girls by myself, but it seems so LONELY! I used to do things like that all the time, but then I wasn't so old back then, either.

It occured to me this morning that one year ago, I hadn't yet been pregnant for the last baby that I lost, I hadn't lost my dear brother Billy yet, and we still had our horrendous blue carpet in the living room. And, Rosie-the-bad-puppy had not even been born yet. We still had Champ, the nice gentle and quiet dog.

Today is my little brother's birthday. He is 42 today. He is the youngest of the seven, with me being number 6. Cheryl is the oldest, and the only other girl. Casey, my younger brother, is a brat. He always has been, always will be. A nice brat though. He is two years younger than I, and Billy was 3 years older. When I was really young, I played with Billy alot, then with Casey, then when I got older, I hung around with Billy and his friends.....I still cannot fathom that I will never see Billy again. It just doesn't seem possible. One of my other brothers has one child, a son, who is now almost 24, I saw him the other night, and it made me miss the whole concept that was our family....my parents and my brother lived at that house, the one I grew up in, the one that is renovated and sold... and that is where I always saw this nephew....Wow, depressing thoughts are hounding me today!! Anyway, my younger brother is married with two kids, I rarely see him, but I talk to him on the phone alot. I will have to remember to call him today.

Well, those two little girls are playing nicely, but they need breakfast.....oh joy, they just came out here stark naked, with their balloons, and Charlotte Claire pushing a stroller with a baby doll in it...saying that they need to take a bath.