three years ago today was a sad day....

The day before was a Saturday. I woke up that day, remembering that I was going to go visit my dad, and to be truthful, my first thought of the morning was that I did not want to go down there.....not that I didn´t want to see my dad, but he was sick with leukemia, and was afraid of germs, so I could not bring all the kids over, just a few who would behave and sit on the other side of the room. It was a bit depressing to go over there. He was worried, and he was lonely, as my mother had just died the previous summer. My brother Billy was there taking care of him, though, so that was always nice. Billy would make coffee, and he always had something good from the bakery. If he knew ahead of time any of us was coming, he would make good food, too. Anyway, I was going over there....but I was enjoying time with the family, and I sort of procrastinated....which now I feel horrible about, because if I had just gone over there, I would have been with Billy when my dad had the stroke. But since I was procrastinating, I got the phone call from Billy, and went up to the hospital.....it was a long long afternoon and evening and night......my dad was unresponsive by the time they let us see him, and I am still a bit upset about that. The nurse cheerfully told us that he was fully aware of where he was when he arrived....and I know they had to do their tests...but he lost that awarness along the way, and by the time we were summoned to see him, he was pretty much gone.....although we hope that maybe he heard us tell him how much we loved him and how thankful we were for him, because he would have been too embarrassed and would have waved us away if we tried to tell him that before.... So it is a sore spot with me that he passed from consciousness to being brain dead, all alone. He didn´t actually die until early the next morning. Cheryl and I were there with him when he passed, and it was excruciatingly painful to see. His temperature was 107, his breathing labored.....but we knew he couldn´t feel the pain. He was given plenty of painkillers, just in case. But it was so sad. It was just so sudden. With my mother, she had made peace with death, and was ready to go meet Jesus. But my dad...even though he had leukemia, and we knew he didn´t have forever....it still seemed sudden. So if you are one of those people, like me, who has a hard time telling people how much they are appreciated and loved.....do it anyway. So three years ago this morning, my father died. And I felt orphaned. My parents had always cared for us, even when we grew up and moved out. They helped and gave and listened and all of the sudden, they were both gone. There is still a loneliness in my life. I can never again dial that phone number and have one of those guys listen to what the kids said, or be interested in the boring details....it has gotten better, but only minimally. And on to less sad things....does this girl look so sick she had to miss school today; )my computer is all messed up, there is no longer a question mark....)

She seemed to do fine playing Wii....

Rosie the dog....

Camille with Emily´s socks on.

Camille seemed so fine and happy, but she was fussy and warm again in the night....and I am tired, again. I have a new cough and slight cold so I don´t know if I will be able to give blood or not....

How does one know that someone has been using their camera_

Yes, Suzanne had a good old time. We finished her boat last night, somehow. Camille has this thing she does where she comes to me and says, ¨¨I want you, Mommy.¨¨ It is so TO THE POINT. Of course she can also say, ¨¨I don´t want you, Mommy.¨¨, and that hurts. Anyway, while I was helping Suze with her boat, Camille was on automatic, saying that she wanted me. Kathryn tried distracting her, but when Camille wants mommy, Camille wants mommy. Poor Suze. We cut out a boat shape from the thick cardboard on the bottom of the case the wipes refills came in. We used electrical tape on the edges so the water wouldn´t get in, then we covered the cardboard with plastic, which we taped. Then we covered the top of the raftlike boat with white fuzzy quilt batting, and put a little battery operated tea'light on it, and a flag that looked like a snowflake because it was made of a paper doilie. It looks cute and it was simple, and it floats. And, she helped and she was happy with it. Phew.

This computer is all messed up. When I press a key with the shift key, a different thing prints. Question mark_, colonÑ, plus sign¿, equal sign¡, slash-, and", exclamation mark! oh, that one works!....if more things start messing up, what will I do_ how will I write my blog_