my afternoon

Am I boring anyone to tears yet? I am having an incredible afternoon, because I got Camille into bed, and my own bed looked so nice, I crawled in for a half an hour without telling anyone where to find me. I dozed off right away, then woke up and remembered that we were having our big meal early today, because there is a big activity club party tonight. Mirielle was making burgers on the grill. We also had chips and dip, corn, and broccoli. The meal seemed very quiet and calm, because Ben wasn't hungry, he watched football while we ate, the two youngest were in bed, Em isn't here, and Suzanne isn't up for burgers yet...so only 11 kids with Paul and I. The kids were all assigned jobs to do to clean it up, I had a secret motive. I wanted to sit down and put my feet up and go on my computer without Charlotte Claire and Camille up. I am bad today.

We undecorated the tree, which Charlotte Claire was totally opposed to. It is MY Christmas tree!, she told us. Yes, I did tell her that back when we put it up. She cannot believe that we are going to throw it in the woods for the birds. She kept trying to put the ornaments back on it. We took the lights out of the windows, and all the jingles and trappings from all the nooks and crannies, and it really looks like the Grinch was here. I feel like making new curtains and buying new towels, and table cloths. The January empties.

Sometimes I like to isolate the exact moment I am in, and say to myself, "This is now. This is my life." Jon is playing with Moon sand, Paul is watching football while typing something on his laptop, Aaron is sitting here with Abigail's laptop, Suzanne is reading the American Girls' catalog, Joseph is playing the piano, Margaret is on the desktop computer watching Hannah Montana. Kathryn is rolling around on the floor, contented and ten years old. Mirielle is sweeping the floor, and Sam is looking forward to the dishwasher stopping, so he can unload it and run it again. And here I am, sitting here in my comfortable chair, with a big snowman cup full of coffee with whole milk in it. Yum. I had one of Mirielle's homemade peanutbutter chocolate truffles with it....I am glad the plate is on the kitchen table, and not within reach. 13 minutes on the treadmill does not afford endless truffles.

Yes, tonight is the activity club party that was cancelled before Christmas due to treacherous weather. All the kids (except for Ben), down to Jon, are involved. The older ones are leaders, and the others are in the groups. Now that Emily is in Norway, Daddy has to pilot the big van on Friday nights. Abigail will have to learn to drive it. And Mirielle, and the newly permitted Aaron. But they won't have the experience to drive it full of kids in the snow for a while, not this season. So gone for now are Paul and my quiet Friday nights with just Charlotte Claire and Camille. I will be alone with those two tonight. Oh, and Suzanne will be here. She is such a sweetie in her new princess pajamas.

The empty tree is still standing in the corner, waiting to be dragged out. It is a beautiful tree, Emily and the kids just picked the nicest one, and found after they cut it that it was $35. I wish we could freeze it and use it again next year.

We got to talk to Emily via webcam last night. It was 6 here, and 12midnight there. She went skating on the frozen fjiord. She said there is no snow, but it is freezing there. She has a room mate from Turkey, and one from South Africa. Jon was so excited to talk to her. With these kinds of communication, maybe a year won't be so unbearable after all.

I was thinking about the past year, how fast it has gone by, and how much I didn't accomplish, and how much time I have wasted. I could have lost like 50 pounds, but I didn't. But I DID start walking, in September, and I have stuck with it very nicely. Not enough to lose much weight though. I need to step it up. I haven't come out of my comfort zone. There is a verse, I am not sure where it is, that says, "You have not yet resisted unto the point of the shedding of blood, in your striving against sin." I think about that in relationship to my excercising. I haven't pushed myself hard enough yet. And with Mirielle's exceptional dessert-making....

And with my kids, my continual battle is to give them more of my attention. Not just feed and clothe them, but to connect with them. Believe me, when there is so much going on sometimes, it is so easy to just say, "uh huh, uh huh," without hearing a word they said. The tone around here is so set by me, and the way I am taking things. If I start getting huffy and yelly, it spreads pretty fast. The foundation is really to be patient. When I can be patient, good things are built on that. Isn't my nature, so I have to stop and think, and pray for patience. God has been so good, He hears my prayers. But if I am stomping against everything, and not believing that He sends everything for my best, it starts to go badly here. A little bit of leaven leavens the whole loaf, and a little bit of complaining spoils everything. It opens the door to all bad spirits. So this year, day in and day out, I will, by God's grace, battle to stay in the belief that He sends each and every trial for my very best, as is written in Romans chapter 8, verse 28.

Because I am seeing more and more, that the earthly things, however important they may seem, should not determine my happiness. When I have my eyes open to the heavenly, and my ears open to what God is speaking to me, I see that things that happen are trials, testings of my faith. Not testings of my capabilities. Oh, if salvation depended upon organizational skills, I would be sunk!!! God does not care if the kids have matching socks under their boots, or if the cups on the table are all the same color. No sir. He wants me to trust Him when I am tired, trust Him when I am tempted to be anxious and worried, trust Him when I feel like I can't handle anything. Because what is it to "handle" a situation, anyway? Isn't it just to see how lacking I am, and ask Him for help? To endure in the trial, and say a resounding, "NO!" to my complaints? Oh, such a simple life we are called to. The results are tangible and good, the fruits of the spirit. I long for more of these.

Following God is not about keeping rules and regulations, some believing in skirts and movies, and some believing in no sugar or whatever......it is about being free from the sin that binds us, the sin that makes us critical and miserable and unthankful. A true life in God is freedom. And I am done preaching for now. I promise one thing: I will never preach anything here that I am not wholeheartedly practicing. So for the year 2009: I pray many will find God, and the true rest and comfort that He longs to give us.