why am i here?

The funeral/memorial services I attended yesterday have really made me stop and do some thinking......

Astrid was a mom of seven. She was capable, organized, her house was lovely, she cooked, she sewed, she did a wonderful job with her kids.....but all those things paled in contrast to the most important thing: she was faithful to God in her circumstances of life, never complaining.

Many, many people, friends and family, spoke so fondly of her yesterday. And it really struck me, how short life is, and how earthly things just don't matter.....

While I was sitting there listening, I was looking forward to coming home, and really being a good mommy. Oh, I'll never be like she was, as far as the capable and organized stuff. But to take things rightly, to persevere in my trials without complaining, no one can stop me from that.

Every once in a while it seems like the blissful ignorance I seem to be caccooned in parts, and I get a strong dose of light from God. Light so powerful over how I really am. I was tempted at first to discouragement. Oh, how can I be cleansed?....Then Aaron emailed me and told me how peaceful it was at home with me gone....what? (I suspect that is because they played Wii and computer for hours without anyone nagging at them)....anyway.....I did not give in to the discouragement. No way! It is written in proverbs about the excellent wife....her worth is far more than rubies..."charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised..."

So in a practical sense too, I have much to work on. Charlotte Claire likes to hit and scratch when she thinks she has good reason to. (don't we all think we have good reason to do things?)

And Camille has been getting into what we call the "broken" cupboard (because it is broken), where I stupidly keep the snacks....and she gets SO mad when she finds something good, and I take it from her....

I guess what I want to say is this:

I can want to do things better, resolve to keep up on things more, shine it up and organize it a bit more around here......but the most IMPORTANT thing, is my attitude. And ha, that is the harder thing to work on....

Dinner tonight: a salad, chicken nuggets, tator tots.....the older ones (Abigail, Mirielle, Joseph, Aaron, Mali, Sam, and Margaret) went to the youth meeting, so I try to have simpler dinners on Thursday nights. Tomorrow should be a simple dinner too, since everyone except Charlotte Claire, Camille, and I will be going out the door right after dinner.....

So, Camille survived TWO nights without me. I got home late late late last night, after 1:30am, and they had left a note on the kitchen table: Mom, do not worry, we kept Camille in our room again,
Love, Abigail and Mali

Well, apparently she woke up like 5 times last night for them, or should I say for Mali, as Abigail just slept though it. Mali just picked her up and hugged her and put her back into her little pink bed.....the night before she only woke up twice.

So, I went without nursing her, but did she forget? Oh, contraire.....she seems to like me twice as much today......

So, I went to bed around 2, and got up at seven fifteen....not too bad, it could have been worse, and it would have been if Camille was in my room....but oh, today I was tired. Here I was, really wanting to be good to the kids, and my fuse was shorter than short, so it was a suffering to be nice.....not all the day, of course, just at some points like when Charlotte Claire dumped her snowman cup of water all over the floor, and when she knocked Camille down because Camille was walking away with her dolly stroller. I need to look up where this verse is written, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness....

Well, the kids are all set to watch "American Idol".....I will watch it with them.....