I'll be lying in bed at night, and imagine someone backing up without looking, and running over one of the kids. It is all I can do not to get up and warn Abigail, Ben, and Mirielle to alway double check.....( I reminded Ben and Mirielle this morning to CHECK, and also, pull into the driveway carefully, even it it is late at night, what if one of the kids is out getting something out of the van?) I cannot even start to think about what we would do if there was a fire. I personally don't believe in those "plans", because kids are very literal, and if you had a plan, and the fire was in the way, they would still follow the plan. Then, when I was taking them for a ride in the new van, I had the thought, like, Oh great, we chose this van, with no side air bags, and we are going to get in an accident on our first trip in it.....but we didn't. I worry alot about my older kids out driving. Well, I can't say I actually full-blown worry about all these things, but I sure get tempted to.....I know it is stupid to worry. It doesn't help anything. But I read the paper every single day, and things DO happen. I reference these things when I am warning my children. Kids drown in toilets. Get stuck in dryers, freezers, and trunks. (I don't mention these things to the little ones, of course) People DO chop off their fingers when they are cutting up apples, I know what I'm talking about....And do not twirl around near the stove, you will catch on fire. Don't climb up the bookcase. Or lean on the window. Or swing that child by her arms! (Emily dislocated her elbow when she was two, her cousin pulled her by the arms).....Oh, I know kids get their bumps and bruises....I agonized before buying them the trampoline. I honestly am not a basket case, but I do try to watch over them. I know God is watching, too, and He also sends angels....but that doesn't mean I am exempt from my job, my responsibility to care for and protect them as much as I can...we still have had our stitches and broken bones....(when Margaret was two, she walked in front of a swing, fell and broke her arm in two places).....
When Benjamin goes out the door, I always tell him to be careful. (wonder why!, the kid is an accident waiting to happen)....and honestly, the last accident he had, I almost told him that as he left for work, but I stopped myself.....didn't want to nag so much. And LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!!! Good thing I am not superstitious.....as much as I know that is not why it happened....hmm.....
Last night, I asked Paul if he had a good day at work. For the record, he does not love his job. He never complains about it, but he doesn't like to sit around all day in a cubicle. So, it was the standard answer, It was fine.....I asked him if he ever gets sick and tired of the whole thing. He said he wouldn't go so far to use the words "sick and tired", but, you know....but he asked, why, was I sick and tired of everything? "Well, I have the thought every now and then, and I don't give in to that thought, because I know if I do, it will open the gate to more and more thoughts, and I think I can easily get sick and tired of everything, if I let myself...."
My sweet little Camille is 14 months now, and she is starting to talk. She is up now, and she just went and brought me the box with the little miniture Zapf babies.....and she was saying, "Baby, baby".....then she went to the dollhouse stuff, found two babies, and brought them to me. She knows how to say BABY, and she knows what it is. She is like me already!
Well, no more deep and profound thoughts for now, I have to change and feed my Camille....
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3 comments:
Dear,
There is nothing wrong with what you wrote. I think that all mothers tend to think more about the what if's then before they became mothers. I know what you mean and have the same issues, especially the twirling in the kitchen! I don't know how many times a day I say that the kitchen is not a place to play. Sending you some hugs...seems like you need them today!
I just wanted to tell you that my Mother always tells us to Be Careful, and we say it to each other, even to friends. And if she forgot to say it, we'd remind her!
And now we say Be Careful and I love you before we go and hang up the phone, or even in e-mails.
My girls think it is so funny how every time they go out the door I say, Be careful, and watch out for deer!! We all know that the deer are just waiting for them to drive down their roads.. How many times have I told them the story of our little (your bigger) brother cutting his head open when he fell, and his near-death experience, and his fun ride in the ambulance?? I think they think I have a story for everything.. And I do..and so do you!! Remember what they say about that apple falling from the tree, which is another thing I remind them of at least every other day.
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